[ maybe it was easier to turn a blind eye to leia's shortcomings because she wasn't really his mother. they were closer than a solider and a superior officer, sure. it was known that she showed favoritism towards him, and he would go to the ends of the galaxy for her ...
but at the end of the day he still had his own mother. the shadow of one. an emptiness inside him that he could almost forget sometimes. sometimes, until he remembered and felt the pain of the loss all over again. an unending cycle since his childhood.
that's what he's feeling now, more than anything. more than any of his feelings for leia — which is a deep well in and of itself. ]
It's not like that.
[ their relationship wasn't like that. leia wasn't like that. he doesn't know how to condense all those feelings into words. well, into words that he would be willing to give to kylo ren, of all people.
he doesn't want to admit to himself that he knew leia wasn't coming for him. they were close, but the resistance always came first. ]
I'm not telling you anything. You don't even wanna know, why bother?
no subject
but at the end of the day he still had his own mother. the shadow of one. an emptiness inside him that he could almost forget sometimes. sometimes, until he remembered and felt the pain of the loss all over again. an unending cycle since his childhood.
that's what he's feeling now, more than anything. more than any of his feelings for leia — which is a deep well in and of itself. ]
It's not like that.
[ their relationship wasn't like that. leia wasn't like that. he doesn't know how to condense all those feelings into words. well, into words that he would be willing to give to kylo ren, of all people.
he doesn't want to admit to himself that he knew leia wasn't coming for him. they were close, but the resistance always came first. ]
I'm not telling you anything. You don't even wanna know, why bother?
[ shara bey would have went back for him. ]