[ Kylo doesn't know why but that hurts. It hurts. More than being struck by a lightsaber. Those were wounds and scars she could heal. The Force was no help with emotional damage.
She sort of hums a thoughtful noise at his words. It's all the reply that can be managed at the moment when her throat is tight and she doubts words would come out if she opened her mouth. This wasn't supposed to matter. It wasn't even supposed to be something she knew how to care about anymore. Why did it matter if the woman who so easily sent her away didn't speak of her or about her? Why did it matter if she had been replaced? Why did she care if the only family left alive seemed to not acknowledge her to others?
(Kylo can't say Leia doesn't acknowledge her at all because she felt it, that shared recognition when, even with the boundary of space and ships between them, they had been the closest to each other they had ever been in likely over a decade. It's a sensation Kylo can't stop thinking about. Almost more so now that she knows Leia is alive and there's a chance, a possibility, that it might not be the last time she ever senses her mother.)
The darkness in her loathes every moment of this. Not the emotion and pain itself because both were fuel for the flames, but this... this vulnerability. The profound sadness and ache that's rooted in the past, in the light. It rips her up inside, the eternal battle between the two sides, and not for the first time she wonders if some day it won't literally tear her apart when her body is too beaten and worn down to contain the Force any longer. In her lowest moments, when pain and torment threatened to shatter her mind, she had wished it would happen. That the Force in its entirety would claim her and she could finally find peace in her own destruction, and hopefully the destruction of Snoke as well.
Lost in thought and emotion, she doesn't know how long she's quiet for. At some point silent tears begin to fall but Kylo stands motionless, arms across her chest. She almost forgets about Poe, to be honest. He's just kind of there, in her peripheral, like the presence of the Knight still dutifully outside the door making sure they're undisturbed. ]
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She sort of hums a thoughtful noise at his words. It's all the reply that can be managed at the moment when her throat is tight and she doubts words would come out if she opened her mouth. This wasn't supposed to matter. It wasn't even supposed to be something she knew how to care about anymore. Why did it matter if the woman who so easily sent her away didn't speak of her or about her? Why did it matter if she had been replaced? Why did she care if the only family left alive seemed to not acknowledge her to others?
(Kylo can't say Leia doesn't acknowledge her at all because she felt it, that shared recognition when, even with the boundary of space and ships between them, they had been the closest to each other they had ever been in likely over a decade. It's a sensation Kylo can't stop thinking about. Almost more so now that she knows Leia is alive and there's a chance, a possibility, that it might not be the last time she ever senses her mother.)
The darkness in her loathes every moment of this. Not the emotion and pain itself because both were fuel for the flames, but this... this vulnerability. The profound sadness and ache that's rooted in the past, in the light. It rips her up inside, the eternal battle between the two sides, and not for the first time she wonders if some day it won't literally tear her apart when her body is too beaten and worn down to contain the Force any longer. In her lowest moments, when pain and torment threatened to shatter her mind, she had wished it would happen. That the Force in its entirety would claim her and she could finally find peace in her own destruction, and hopefully the destruction of Snoke as well.
Lost in thought and emotion, she doesn't know how long she's quiet for. At some point silent tears begin to fall but Kylo stands motionless, arms across her chest. She almost forgets about Poe, to be honest. He's just kind of there, in her peripheral, like the presence of the Knight still dutifully outside the door making sure they're undisturbed. ]