[ meanwhile, med bay was a new and exciting journey of self-discovery. sure, it was nice to have his whole nose situation fixed and any other minor abrasions tended to, but he couldn't find any real relief in it. even if she didn't say she wanted a clean slate, he wasn't stupid enough to think that getting him healed up was a gesture done from genuine concern for his health.
the self-discovery part came in when he tried to push the limits against her orders. leaving him with the self-awareness to fight instead of blindly obey was probably a fun game on her part. he knew that, too.
so he experiments with it. tries to will himself to make a run for it, or to knock things in the med bay over. he tries to lie. but it doesn't work. the ideas don't make it past the "idea" stage; his body flat-out ignores him.
is this what a mental breakdown is like?
it's not even over something drastic. just a relatively minor, innocuous loss of control. but he hates it so much.
that's the mood when it's time to him to be dragged back to kylo ren. he hasn't had a facial expression that isn't some flavor of angry since he was taken prisoner, and he's not about to stop now. today stoic, silent anger is what's on the menu. he doesn't know what happened, not to bb-8 or to the resistance or with whatever message she had been planning on sending, but he could only hope that, if nothing else, at least bb-8 was okay. that is literally the only thing he's clinging on to right now. ]
no subject
the self-discovery part came in when he tried to push the limits against her orders. leaving him with the self-awareness to fight instead of blindly obey was probably a fun game on her part. he knew that, too.
so he experiments with it. tries to will himself to make a run for it, or to knock things in the med bay over. he tries to lie. but it doesn't work. the ideas don't make it past the "idea" stage; his body flat-out ignores him.
is this what a mental breakdown is like?
it's not even over something drastic. just a relatively minor, innocuous loss of control. but he hates it so much.
that's the mood when it's time to him to be dragged back to kylo ren. he hasn't had a facial expression that isn't some flavor of angry since he was taken prisoner, and he's not about to stop now. today stoic, silent anger is what's on the menu. he doesn't know what happened, not to bb-8 or to the resistance or with whatever message she had been planning on sending, but he could only hope that, if nothing else, at least bb-8 was okay. that is literally the only thing he's clinging on to right now. ]