[ she's right, and the truth of it cuts into him, colder and deeper than her prods with the knife had been. there was nothing he could do to help finn. or anyone. he couldn't even save himself. he kept trying, and it was like throwing himself at at a barrier. an endless cycle of smashing uselessly against it.
being stunned didn't feel like an experience he wanted to repeat today. not after the first time left him so vulnerable. so he tries to behave himself. sit still through the stitching and the smearing of bacta. none of it made him feel better. sure, the actual physical pain was lessened, but it did nothing for the dread. she was just creating a new blank canvas to inflict more torture on. thinking otherwise was stupid.
holding felt better than the officer's room, though. more real. he didn't have to feel disgusted with himself when he was sitting in holding. instead, he could worry about what terrible things kylo was probably going to do to his friends while he's left sitting. all the finn talk dragged that line of thinking up to the surface. ]
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being stunned didn't feel like an experience he wanted to repeat today. not after the first time left him so vulnerable. so he tries to behave himself. sit still through the stitching and the smearing of bacta. none of it made him feel better. sure, the actual physical pain was lessened, but it did nothing for the dread. she was just creating a new blank canvas to inflict more torture on. thinking otherwise was stupid.
holding felt better than the officer's room, though. more real. he didn't have to feel disgusted with himself when he was sitting in holding. instead, he could worry about what terrible things kylo was probably going to do to his friends while he's left sitting. all the finn talk dragged that line of thinking up to the surface. ]