[ i can't believe finn gets his own living on the lam dream but instead of the unknown regions it's the dumpster of coruscant and he doesn't even have the memories to enjoy it.
some time passes. not like years, but it's been a couple weeks. their situation remains stable but not great. but they're still scraping along. digging through garbage to find compatible parts for the ship. there's no news from the first order or the resistance. no one sniffing around for either of them.
there's a sort of sadness that hits poe deep when he thinks about the resistance. he is 90 percent sure everyone thinks he's dead by now. went off on his stupid, too-crazy-to-work rescue mission and didn't come back. he's not arrogant enough to be like "ah how will the resistance ever go on without me," but thinking about his squadron ... leia ... it hurts. they had to have told his dad, too. all those people mourning him. that was a whole other thing.
he'd ran through the possibilities. bb-8 could send messages back to the resistance. he doesn't exist in a void. he definitely could have hitchhiked home by now. it seemed less dangerous with time. they ran away from the first order and survived??
but he hadn't. the send message command was at the tip of his tongue but never outside his mouth. he chose to be selfish for once in his entire life, and now he had this thing he was terrified of losing. asking the resistance to come meant risking drawing attention to them, and even if they got off coruscant ... what would the resistance do to finn? not trust him the way poe had, probably. too much of a liability. he didn't want him to be locked up somewhere. if something happened, meltdown and lashing out-wise, he was okay with being the only casualty. still ready to take a blaster to the chest and whisper "thank you" as he died.
this was the same thought spiral he'd run through the first couple days. the whole "i'll stay with you / no i won't but you can stay on yavin 4 if you want / wait no i'll stay with you after all." he hasn't made much ground with it at all. the fact that he was struggling instead of just yeeting back seemed like choice enough. he recognized that.
but. finn.
so, he has here. he has corcuscant and finn. and he should be happy with what he has. finn's free instead of locked up on a first order ship. they get to share a twin bed together. he gets to hear finn's breathing and know that he's alive and here. no one's taking finn back. if faced with the choice again, he'd pick this path over and over every time.
but he still wants to touch him. and talk to him. he wants to tell him the entirety of his feelings but it never seems like it'll be enough. not enough to mean anything. or maybe too much. maybe he'll die with them. that seems to be the path he's heading towards. when you kidnap your true love and are still working your way beyond handholding and friendly spooning. ]
It won't be long now.
[ he's pretty upbeat. conversational. he's come back from some upper levels with food. he sets a bag down on the table (?? i guess they have a table) and pulls out a pear to bite into. ]
It'll be good. We'll get to Yavin 4, and I can show you everything. There's all this jungle. And an old Resistance base. And, uh, my house. Obviously.
SURPRISE i didn't forget this it just needed to marinate
some time passes. not like years, but it's been a couple weeks. their situation remains stable but not great. but they're still scraping along. digging through garbage to find compatible parts for the ship. there's no news from the first order or the resistance. no one sniffing around for either of them.
there's a sort of sadness that hits poe deep when he thinks about the resistance. he is 90 percent sure everyone thinks he's dead by now. went off on his stupid, too-crazy-to-work rescue mission and didn't come back. he's not arrogant enough to be like "ah how will the resistance ever go on without me," but thinking about his squadron ... leia ... it hurts. they had to have told his dad, too. all those people mourning him. that was a whole other thing.
he'd ran through the possibilities. bb-8 could send messages back to the resistance. he doesn't exist in a void. he definitely could have hitchhiked home by now. it seemed less dangerous with time. they ran away from the first order and survived??
but he hadn't. the send message command was at the tip of his tongue but never outside his mouth. he chose to be selfish for once in his entire life, and now he had this thing he was terrified of losing. asking the resistance to come meant risking drawing attention to them, and even if they got off coruscant ... what would the resistance do to finn? not trust him the way poe had, probably. too much of a liability. he didn't want him to be locked up somewhere. if something happened, meltdown and lashing out-wise, he was okay with being the only casualty. still ready to take a blaster to the chest and whisper "thank you" as he died.
this was the same thought spiral he'd run through the first couple days. the whole "i'll stay with you / no i won't but you can stay on yavin 4 if you want / wait no i'll stay with you after all." he hasn't made much ground with it at all. the fact that he was struggling instead of just yeeting back seemed like choice enough. he recognized that.
but. finn.
so, he has here. he has corcuscant and finn. and he should be happy with what he has. finn's free instead of locked up on a first order ship. they get to share a twin bed together. he gets to hear finn's breathing and know that he's alive and here. no one's taking finn back. if faced with the choice again, he'd pick this path over and over every time.
but he still wants to touch him. and talk to him. he wants to tell him the entirety of his feelings but it never seems like it'll be enough. not enough to mean anything. or maybe too much. maybe he'll die with them. that seems to be the path he's heading towards. when you kidnap your true love and are still working your way beyond handholding and friendly spooning. ]
It won't be long now.
[ he's pretty upbeat. conversational. he's come back from some upper levels with food. he sets a bag down on the table (?? i guess they have a table) and pulls out a pear to bite into. ]
It'll be good. We'll get to Yavin 4, and I can show you everything. There's all this jungle. And an old Resistance base. And, uh, my house. Obviously.