[ it washes over him again — things that got blacked out when hux decided to fry his brain for who knows how long.

maybe he's still fried. maybe he has brain damage. he grapples with this while listening to kylo ren explain that he wasn't supposed to be tortured and killed. the mental gymnastics to believe that serving kylo ren would be helping leia in some way.

and he can't. it breaks him. he knows it would break leia's heart, even if she had already broken his in some way he refused to admit. (she wasn't coming back for him. he was on his own now. she wasn't really his mother and he wasn't really her son, no matter how hard he'd tried to make the pieces fit.)

so he keeps arguing, even know he already knows deep in his bones that there isn't a point. ]

It's not the same. That's not the same as serving her and you know it. Hux is gone, you've got everything you want. Just go back to her. Please.