[the "you too" is the most precious thing that poe has ever heard and it honestly melts his heart a little. finn is too good, too pure. actually that takes him out of the mood for a second like maybe we should just hold hands forever. he seems like he would be into that. he's really into holding hands.
just kidding the thirst is too strong. he's been laying in the desert, tortured by thirst. since the day he met finn, probably. so like ... month ago? that's a long time, okay. a long time that involved a lot of sleeping beside him and not acting on any carnal urges because he's such a gentleman. and not a chaotic gay thirsty mess.
he refocuses his kissing effort to finn's neck, while his hand that was touching him there moves to his chest and ... slowly starts to make its way down but sort of stops at his stomach because it's time for feelings. he's having gay feelings and is unable to stop them from coming out. in the middle of making out. it's fine. don't worry about it.]
I've always — [the words are a whisper against finn's neck — ] I love you so much. I want you to know that. I love you.
[Oh, that's new. Also nice. His head tilts back until it rests against the wall, wetting his lips unconsciously.
Let it be known that two people told Finn they loved him this day. It has been A Day. Stressful but good in ways that Finn has zero familiarity with, and this emotional rollercoaster apparently decided to make its highest climb near the end instead of the beginning.
It was different with Rey, though. She'd said it and it had meant something else, something so different that it almost didn't make sense to him why they only had one word to describe what he was feeling then to what he felt now.
He's not sure he would have been able to put a word to this, not if Poe hadn't done it for him first.
Finn's hands slide up on either side of Poe's face to lift him away from his neck, the urge to meet his gaze suddenly all-consuming, as if he's going to be able to look into his eyes and find the answers to everything that's happened since they met.]
I love you, too.
[That's why he's really here, isn't it? Not just to help the Resistance, or to make sure that Rey has a place to come home to.
It's to save him. It's always been the biggest part.]
[something about those words, wanting them for so long and then actually hearing them — looking at his face, so intensely earnest as always — it's like a shock to his system. electricity, or ice water. or both at the same time.
his urge to be the most dramatically gay at all times outweighs his thirst. maybe he'll actually get out some of the words he was struggling with earlier. he straightens up a little bit, but doesn't leave any room for space jesus. gaze still intent on finn. ]
You know, on the Finalizer, I thought I was gonna die. I didn't have any hope left, that was it. But then ... you came. You came and saved me. I always kinda thought the Force gave you to me.
Yeah ... yeah. I think you're right. It's gotta mean something.
[basically: his mom was right. things balance out. bad things happen to remind us of what's really important. if he hadn't taken a trip to torture town, he never would have met finn. he wouldn't have been there to save finn. even though what he went through still weighs heavy on him, heavier than he'd like to admit to anyone (even though his super melodramatic reaction to mind reading existing is kind of a clue to the levels of ptsd going on there but it's fine don't worry about it), he wouldn't trade it or take it back ... because of finn.]
Look, with ... with everything. We don't know what's gonna happen back home. Maybe we'll get our incentives and everything will work out fine, but if it doesn't, I just ... [yeah he would have regretted it. he waited like two weeks which is the equivalent of 20 years with how these kids fuckin navigate their relationships with other people.] I wanted to make sure you knew how much you mean to me. And that I don't — I don't ever wanna be without you.
Yeah? [He just likes the fact that Poe is agreeing with him on this, and he nods.] Yeah.
[They sure say that a lot. Whatever. Poets they are not.
They've both got their baggage, most of it surrounding the First Order, albeit in different ways. But it's just another thing that binds them together, even if hating the same thing wasn't the most healthy thing to bond over.
Good thing there was more to it than that.]
We'll make it work. Here and back home. [If he has to be the one to make sure they don't lose hope for however long this takes, he'll do it.] I'll make sure of it.
anyway, the "i'll make sure of it" sets him over the edge. what edge? the edge of being a stupid lovestruck fool, probably.]
Yeah.
[just keeps saying "yeah." yeah until the heat death of the universe. it's fine. his brain is tanking and tanking fast. clearly the only way to get a handle on the situation again is to go back to kissing him? his hands find their way back to finn's waist. ah yes, kissing. his brain can handle this.]
Finn gets caught a little by surprise again, which isn't all that shocking since he's literally never done this before in his life. So while Poe's brain can handle this, Finn's starts racing, along with the quick beat of his heart, since he has no idea what he's doing.
At least he's pretty good at following someone else's lead. He has a lot of experience doing that.
He's not entirely sure what to do with his hands, though, so they end up awkwardly on either side of Poe's ribs, but neither of them probably care all that much since there's probably not a lot of space between them again.]
[yeah no. he appreciates the part where finn is also touching him without being too worried about the specifics of it. they're living life on the fly and everything is cool. he honestly doesn't really know what he wants out of this interaction? maybe this is enough. maybe being this close to finn is enough to quench his thirst. they can work their way up to other things.
anyway it's been real with the wall but he's done with it now. he uses his grip on finn to pull him back towards the bed, trying to maintain making out too but multitasking is hard so that part gets sloppier. w/e it's just for a minute.]
[Kissing is hard enough when you've never done it before. Trying to kiss while walking without being able to see where he's going is harder, so sloppy it is.
Whatever, he doesn't know any better.
His mouth breaks from Poe's briefly as he doesn't step quite far enough to keep up, long enough for a dopey grin to spread across his face, his cheeks radiating warmth. He halfway falls onto the bed, his fingers grasping loosely at Poe's clothes, but at least he doesn't look nervous.
There should probably be a yet at the end of that.]
[ finn's stupid grin makes him stupid grin right back, staring at him with the same wonderment someone might have when staring at a double rainbow or a meteor shower. he loves him so much it's straight up ridiculous.
he's not sure if the grasping at his clothes was an effort to remove said clothes or if he was trying to keep balance before falling onto the bed. GUESS HE'LL FIND OUT. he flops onto the bed, pulling finn down the rest of the way with him. they fall sideways, ftr. that was just how it happened. he kind loses track of what he was doing again. still in that zone of staring and stupid grinning at him. ]
You know ... it's like ... when you smile, it's like looking at five suns at once.
[He doesn't really know, okay. Thus the restless tugging and tangling of his fingers. Dude is clueless.
And then they're laying next to each other and Poe is staring at him again like he's some magical creature and he doesn't know what to even do with that.
He huffs out a bit of laughter at Poe's declaration, his grin both amused and content.]
[just let it happen, okay. he reaches out, hand gently gliding along his arm. they're good arms tho. the question makes him glance away, laughing. called out on his fuckery.]
It just means it's a lot. But in a good way. Maybe it sounded better in my head.
[his hand makes its way back up in its general scoping out of finn, coming to rest against the curve of his neck. he will write a russian novel about all of finn's finer qualities.]
Mm, other stuff? [that's fucking adorable and he loves it. why is finn so perfect. ftr he doesn't think finn is a dumb baby duck so much as just an awkward dork.] You want me to stop talking, you just gotta say so.
You don't have to — [he bites at his lip, trying to figure out what to say in the middle of actually saying it.] — I don't want you to feel like you're just following my lead. Unless you really want to. [that could be his kink, who is poe to judge.] If I ever make you uncomfortable, tell me, okay? And I mean that whenever, not just today.
[he squints a little like "no, wait. what? what???" in fact that's just about what he says.] No, what? C'mon. You've never been like, alone in your bunk or wherever, and touched yourself?
[also like just in case there was any doubt to where he was going with this — congratulations.]
[look poe didn't expect to have to give The Sex Talk today but somebody wanted to be taught!!! this is not the experience either of them wanted to be having.]
I mean, yeah, there can be, but that's a good place to start. Don't ... don't think about it so much. I think you're overthinking it.
[poe doesn't know if he should trust finn to just go with the flow based on what he knows about him as a person but you know what. it's fine. that part is over now. you know what poe likes? not having this conversation anymore. so they're already off to a great start.
he's just gonna go for it now. going for it step one involves taking off finn's clothes. he's annoyed with the hakama just because they exist, but it's really not that much more difficult than normal clothes. he guesses. gonna take the top half off, tell it goodbye. he flings it away onto the abyss that is the floor. goodbye weird skirt pants is a current work in progress.]
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just kidding the thirst is too strong. he's been laying in the desert, tortured by thirst. since the day he met finn, probably. so like ... month ago? that's a long time, okay. a long time that involved a lot of sleeping beside him and not acting on any carnal urges because he's such a gentleman. and not a chaotic gay thirsty mess.
he refocuses his kissing effort to finn's neck, while his hand that was touching him there moves to his chest and ... slowly starts to make its way down but sort of stops at his stomach because it's time for feelings. he's having gay feelings and is unable to stop them from coming out. in the middle of making out. it's fine. don't worry about it.]
I've always — [the words are a whisper against finn's neck — ] I love you so much. I want you to know that. I love you.
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Let it be known that two people told Finn they loved him this day. It has been A Day. Stressful but good in ways that Finn has zero familiarity with, and this emotional rollercoaster apparently decided to make its highest climb near the end instead of the beginning.
It was different with Rey, though. She'd said it and it had meant something else, something so different that it almost didn't make sense to him why they only had one word to describe what he was feeling then to what he felt now.
He's not sure he would have been able to put a word to this, not if Poe hadn't done it for him first.
Finn's hands slide up on either side of Poe's face to lift him away from his neck, the urge to meet his gaze suddenly all-consuming, as if he's going to be able to look into his eyes and find the answers to everything that's happened since they met.]
I love you, too.
[That's why he's really here, isn't it? Not just to help the Resistance, or to make sure that Rey has a place to come home to.
It's to save him. It's always been the biggest part.]
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his urge to be the most dramatically gay at all times outweighs his thirst. maybe he'll actually get out some of the words he was struggling with earlier. he straightens up a little bit, but doesn't leave any room for space jesus. gaze still intent on finn. ]
You know, on the Finalizer, I thought I was gonna die. I didn't have any hope left, that was it. But then ... you came. You came and saved me. I always kinda thought the Force gave you to me.
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[When they'd both thought there was nothing left. Finn had already made his choice, and if Poe hadn't been there.
It's hard to wish something bad hadn't happened to them when it meant they'd both end up here, though.]
That has to mean something, right?
[And if it doesn't, maybe they're just really fucking lucky. Finn would be okay with that, too.]
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[basically: his mom was right. things balance out. bad things happen to remind us of what's really important. if he hadn't taken a trip to torture town, he never would have met finn. he wouldn't have been there to save finn. even though what he went through still weighs heavy on him, heavier than he'd like to admit to anyone (even though his super melodramatic reaction to mind reading existing is kind of a clue to the levels of ptsd going on there but it's fine don't worry about it), he wouldn't trade it or take it back ... because of finn.]
Look, with ... with everything. We don't know what's gonna happen back home. Maybe we'll get our incentives and everything will work out fine, but if it doesn't, I just ... [yeah he would have regretted it. he waited like two weeks which is the equivalent of 20 years with how these kids fuckin navigate their relationships with other people.] I wanted to make sure you knew how much you mean to me. And that I don't — I don't ever wanna be without you.
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[They sure say that a lot. Whatever. Poets they are not.
They've both got their baggage, most of it surrounding the First Order, albeit in different ways. But it's just another thing that binds them together, even if hating the same thing wasn't the most healthy thing to bond over.
Good thing there was more to it than that.]
We'll make it work. Here and back home. [If he has to be the one to make sure they don't lose hope for however long this takes, he'll do it.] I'll make sure of it.
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anyway, the "i'll make sure of it" sets him over the edge. what edge? the edge of being a stupid lovestruck fool, probably.]
Yeah.
[just keeps saying "yeah." yeah until the heat death of the universe. it's fine. his brain is tanking and tanking fast. clearly the only way to get a handle on the situation again is to go back to kissing him? his hands find their way back to finn's waist. ah yes, kissing. his brain can handle this.]
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Finn gets caught a little by surprise again, which isn't all that shocking since he's literally never done this before in his life. So while Poe's brain can handle this, Finn's starts racing, along with the quick beat of his heart, since he has no idea what he's doing.
At least he's pretty good at following someone else's lead. He has a lot of experience doing that.
He's not entirely sure what to do with his hands, though, so they end up awkwardly on either side of Poe's ribs, but neither of them probably care all that much since there's probably not a lot of space between them again.]
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anyway it's been real with the wall but he's done with it now. he uses his grip on finn to pull him back towards the bed, trying to maintain making out too but multitasking is hard so that part gets sloppier. w/e it's just for a minute.]
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Whatever, he doesn't know any better.
His mouth breaks from Poe's briefly as he doesn't step quite far enough to keep up, long enough for a dopey grin to spread across his face, his cheeks radiating warmth. He halfway falls onto the bed, his fingers grasping loosely at Poe's clothes, but at least he doesn't look nervous.
There should probably be a yet at the end of that.]
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he's not sure if the grasping at his clothes was an effort to remove said clothes or if he was trying to keep balance before falling onto the bed. GUESS HE'LL FIND OUT. he flops onto the bed, pulling finn down the rest of the way with him. they fall sideways, ftr. that was just how it happened. he kind loses track of what he was doing again. still in that zone of staring and stupid grinning at him. ]
You know ... it's like ... when you smile, it's like looking at five suns at once.
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And then they're laying next to each other and Poe is staring at him again like he's some magical creature and he doesn't know what to even do with that.
He huffs out a bit of laughter at Poe's declaration, his grin both amused and content.]
What does that even mean?
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they're good arms tho.the question makes him glance away, laughing. called out on his fuckery.]It just means it's a lot. But in a good way. Maybe it sounded better in my head.
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[What are compliments? How does one give or receive them?
The best compliment he's ever gotten was probably about his shooting accuracy.]
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[his hand makes its way back up in its general scoping out of finn, coming to rest against the curve of his neck. he will write a russian novel about all of finn's finer qualities.]
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[Kissing is 'stuff' now. So eloquent, Finn.]
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[A cop-out answer from someone who has no idea what he's even supposed to do.]
I'll just...follow your lead.
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[Suddenly embarrassed. Why this.]
So I guess I meant more that...you'll have to teach me.
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[also like just in case there was any doubt to where he was going with this — congratulations.]
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I didn't mean---there's gotta be more to it than just that? Right?
[Someone put him out of his misery.]
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I mean, yeah, there can be, but that's a good place to start. Don't ... don't think about it so much. I think you're overthinking it.
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But okay, sure, don't overthink it. Don't overthink it. It's fine.
He's overthinking it.]
Sure, okay. No problem. I'll just...go with the flow then.
[That sounds like the right thing to say.]
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he's just gonna go for it now. going for it step one involves taking off finn's clothes. he's annoyed with the hakama just because they exist, but it's really not that much more difficult than normal clothes. he guesses. gonna take the top half off, tell it goodbye. he flings it away onto the abyss that is the floor. goodbye weird skirt pants is a current work in progress.]
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