[he bites at the inside of his cheek, trying to figure out how to word what he's feeling right now. maybe if he's honest, the whole thing won't feel so shitty. maybe he can make rey understand why he's not ready to hop up off this tree root and turn down for what.]
He told me that in confidence. We were talking about heavy stuff. It's not like — he has things on me, too. I don't like ... it's like you're sticking my neck on the line, you know?
[ Rey sobers up considerably at that. She searches his face. Thrawn has things on her too, of course. He knows about Ben. Somehow, he knows about Ben, and she can't figure out how for the life of her. It's not as easy as what Ben guessed. She knows it.
But that's why she's doing this. Preemptive strike. Making sure that he can't use that. ]
[is that kind of dramatization??? well ... yes. but get this: poe is a drama queen. and he's having a hard time explaining how shitty he feels about telling her this without being super dramatic. because maybe what he really had on him was ~understanding~ and poe may be a big gay drama queen, but that's a line he's not going to cross.]
Okay, not half, but a lot. I lost our entire bomber fleet. I think I told you I made a bad call awhile ago. It was that. The general told me to pull back, but I didn't. I don't know if ... maybe it doesn't sound like anything to you. But it means a lot to me.
[yeah, sure, but leia didn't bitchslap the entire first order. just him.
he feels a lot of different things about bombergate 2k18, and digging it up again with rey is forcing him to confront it. to put his internal conflict into words.]
I don't know if I would've. [just gonna keep it real and confront the uglier parts of himself first. might as well.] We were so close to taking down the dreadnought. I wanted it. I wanted the win too much. I didn't think about what it'd cost to get there.
[wait for it]
But I feel like ... maybe if I didn't take down the dreadnought, something worse could've happened. There would've been even more casualties. I don't know. I don't think there's an easy answer to it. The general disagreed, but. [he shakes his head.]
But the General's not here to talk to you about it.
[ Something settles into place there. ]
And Thrawn was.
[ She understands that better than she wants to. Kylo had been there, on the island, to talk to her about her loneliness and her parents and that dark place when Luke refused. When she was alone. Of course Poe would have told Thrawn; he was the only person here as entrenched in galaxy politics as Poe was. ]
but there's something about this "i'm not going to let him hurt you" business that makes him squint a little. guess what a stubborn jackass like poe dameron wants to hear? not that.]
I'm not a damsel in distress, Rey. I don't need you to protect me.
[ She shakes her head, genuinely not understanding. ]
You said you were worried that if I pursued what you learned of him, that you'd be sticking your neck out. Poe, we all need to stick our necks out if we're going to keep him from changing the past.
but he's not going to push it. with the realization that rey is a lot like him, he's learned to be more strategic about which hills to die on. 🙃 he's not going to get anywhere on this hill. she wants it too much. like him and the dreadnought.]
I just meant ... it was the way you said it. You're right. Do whatever you have to do.
[ She accepts this because it fits with her naive expectations of how Right everything should go. : ) Rey has learned and grown as a person since her big ol' Hanabira failure. But she looks serious about that nod she gives him at least. ]
Thrawn has probably already guessed that I've revealed to you what he told me. But … If he says anything else to you, if you learn more, please. [ She gets to her feet. ] He's clever. We won't win if we don't do this together.
[he gets up, too. he can tell rey is 100% set and self-assured that she's doing the Right Thing and they're going to outsmart thrawn and live happily ever after and
here he is feeling like he sold someone out. that's not right. the feeling's not right, but also he knows that it's not right that he should feel that way at all.
that's probably not weird? maybe rey won't pick up on it and bother him about it because clearly They All Trusted Thrawn. that's all it is. clearly. if he tells himself that's all it is enough times, he'll believe it. (you'll never guess how that goes.)]
Sure, yeah. You're right. We've gotta work together.
[ Ah yes. The melancholy of trusting Thrawn and still feeling a connection to him, accepting that Thrawn had fulfilled a need for them both that was now hollow again. She understands it well. She reaches out to squeeze his arm reassuringly. Implicit understanding. Such a powerful thing. Wow. ]
Thank you. For trusting me. [ She shifts her weight a little. ] I know it's hard, still.
[ But they've found something good in the middle here. They're working on it. He's apparently accepted that she's 'training with Kylo Ren' and that there's more stuff she's not sharing, but he's not demanding it from her. That's good. He's let it go. Just like he's trying to let Thrawn go.
Anyway she needs to escape the Feelings happening here. ]
You know more Empire history than I do. If you get an idea on how we can sabotage his efforts, let me know.
[yep. he sure did. poe dameron, master of letting things go. so good at letting things go he's actually elsa. that sure does sound like poe elizabeth dameron.
[ She gives him a friendly kiss on the cheek before she leaves him with that — gratitude for the concessions he had made with her, for the effort.
Of course, she doesn't expect him to come up with anything more substantial than she and Ben were able to figure out, but she wants to give him the chance to weigh in — particularly since she doesn't feel like she can bounce her plan off him. ]
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He told me that in confidence. We were talking about heavy stuff. It's not like — he has things on me, too. I don't like ... it's like you're sticking my neck on the line, you know?
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But that's why she's doing this. Preemptive strike. Making sure that he can't use that. ]
What things?
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[ That's an awfully nonchalant way to drop an awfully big bomb. This conversation is a wild ride for Rey. ]
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Okay, not half, but a lot. I lost our entire bomber fleet. I think I told you I made a bad call awhile ago. It was that. The general told me to pull back, but I didn't. I don't know if ... maybe it doesn't sound like anything to you. But it means a lot to me.
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sounds like a lot.
Rey's quiet for a moment, however, because she knows that's not helpful to agree to. It's definitely a lot. ]
Poe, if you'd known that would happen, you would have pulled back.
[ This, she knows for sure about him. She has that faith. ]
You didn't kill them. The First Order did.
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he feels a lot of different things about bombergate 2k18, and digging it up again with rey is forcing him to confront it. to put his internal conflict into words.]
I don't know if I would've. [just gonna keep it real and confront the uglier parts of himself first. might as well.] We were so close to taking down the dreadnought. I wanted it. I wanted the win too much. I didn't think about what it'd cost to get there.
[wait for it]
But I feel like ... maybe if I didn't take down the dreadnought, something worse could've happened. There would've been even more casualties. I don't know. I don't think there's an easy answer to it. The general disagreed, but. [he shakes his head.]
no subject
[ Something settles into place there. ]
And Thrawn was.
[ She understands that better than she wants to. Kylo had been there, on the island, to talk to her about her loneliness and her parents and that dark place when Luke refused. When she was alone. Of course Poe would have told Thrawn; he was the only person here as entrenched in galaxy politics as Poe was. ]
I'm not going to let him hurt you.
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but there's something about this "i'm not going to let him hurt you" business that makes him squint a little. guess what a stubborn jackass like poe dameron wants to hear? not that.]
I'm not a damsel in distress, Rey. I don't need you to protect me.
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[ She shakes her head, genuinely not understanding. ]
You said you were worried that if I pursued what you learned of him, that you'd be sticking your neck out. Poe, we all need to stick our necks out if we're going to keep him from changing the past.
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but he's not going to push it. with the realization that rey is a lot like him, he's learned to be more strategic about which hills to die on. 🙃 he's not going to get anywhere on this hill. she wants it too much. like him and the dreadnought.]
I just meant ... it was the way you said it. You're right. Do whatever you have to do.
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Thrawn has probably already guessed that I've revealed to you what he told me. But … If he says anything else to you, if you learn more, please. [ She gets to her feet. ] He's clever. We won't win if we don't do this together.
no subject
here he is feeling like he sold someone out. that's not right. the feeling's not right, but also he knows that it's not right that he should feel that way at all.
that's probably not weird? maybe rey won't pick up on it and bother him about it because clearly They All Trusted Thrawn. that's all it is. clearly. if he tells himself that's all it is enough times, he'll believe it. (you'll never guess how that goes.)]
Sure, yeah. You're right. We've gotta work together.
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Thank you. For trusting me. [ She shifts her weight a little. ] I know it's hard, still.
[ But they've found something good in the middle here. They're working on it. He's apparently accepted that she's 'training with Kylo Ren' and that there's more stuff she's not sharing, but he's not demanding it from her. That's good. He's let it go. Just like he's trying to let Thrawn go.
Anyway she needs to escape the Feelings happening here. ]
You know more Empire history than I do. If you get an idea on how we can sabotage his efforts, let me know.
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WHAT THE FUCK REY.]
Yeah. I know it's been rough between us, but I'm trying. [he means that much.] I'll think about it.
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Of course, she doesn't expect him to come up with anything more substantial than she and Ben were able to figure out, but she wants to give him the chance to weigh in — particularly since she doesn't feel like she can bounce her plan off him. ]