[ he can understand it. he understood it before, when he just thought they were "training." it meant something to have someone who understood you. (maybe that's why he let himself get so close to thrawn here. sure, it was a different side, but he still had the perspective of someone who had been entrenched in the war. not someone who had been pulled into it.) ]
I understand. I got it. That's why I'm not ... getting all mad and trying to stop you anymore, you know? I get it.
[ he kind of wants to leave it there. good talk, fam. so he shifts a little bit, glancing around the room. the roomba bumps into his foot. ]
If you wanna ... I can sleep on the floor. Or you can if you want. Or we can both sleep on the bed. It won't be weird or anything.
[ Rey glances between him and the bed. She's not going to get into The Details of how she's used to having someone else there now, and Poe's presence might actually help her sleep because the ambient sounds and the warmth of another person. He doesn't need that. There's an appropriate level of sharing, and then there's oversharing, and that's definitely oversharing. Especially about his nemesis. (They're nemeses now.) ]
I mean, you don't have to sleep on the floor. I'd like the company.
[ That's probably delicate enough. She holds his gaze then, for a moment, before she starts to pull off her boots like alright that's enough talking and crying. Bed time. She starts to pull her hair out, glances at the fresher, then — ]
[ that feel when you feel the same way about having another person around but you didn't want to make a big deal about it 👀 that feel when you're actually the same sad needy person.
he just nods. trying not to be too extra about the whole thing. and then — ]
Uh, no. [ weird question?? but then, he probably hasn't had sleepovers with people with long enough hair to ... beg that question ... ] I guess not. If you wanna hit the 'fresher or whatever, that's fine.
[ She nods and gets off the bed, pulling her arm warmers off. One of them reveals the slice left by Gram, un-bandaged still. She drops them atop her bag. ]
I think I will.
[ Shower all of this gross crying feeling off. It could also be read as trying to shower off all that Ben Solo, which might not be an incorrect interpretation on its own. She needs a fresh start. This will suffice. She heads into the refresher and shuts the door behind her. ]
[ he glances at the wound, frowning a little out of concern. ]
If you need a bandage for that, I can get a droid.
[ that's as much as he'll push it. a lot of things still seem like walking on thin ice when it comes to rey. this is one of them.
when the door is shut, he tries to make himself comfortable on the bed. rolls around a little bit. tries to be delicate about his hands while doing so. there's no one true comfortable position, though, so he settles for trying to keep most of his body on one side of the bed. fiddling with his magitek. (it's a dogtag-type thing he strung on the necklace that he wears his mother's ring on. now u know.) what's he doing? what's he looking at? none ya business. maybe he's playing snake. (he's not playing snake.) ]
[ To her credit, Rey does not cry in the shower. In fact, it serves its intended purpose to afford her some clarity and distance from the situation. She affirms that though she has hope (and good reason to hope) that this isn't the end, she has to be willing to let it be if Kylo disappoints those hopes.
She'd promised she wouldn't turn her back on him, and she won't. But she will hold the line. He knows what it will take for them to find some middle ground.
So that's where she's at when she gets back out of the refresher, hair towel dried (poorly) and wearing underwear and her tank top. Poe can take comfort in the fact that she's never shaved her legs in her life so it's almost like sleeping with a dude. She feels good about her choices and optimistic and it's almost like this whole Gram process was exactly what she needed to feel more like herself and like she can breathe again. ]
D'you need a minute?
[ She looks pointedly at his magitek like is this a private conversation ?? A paranoid thought lights in her mind about whether he's telling someone she's here or if he's telling someone everything she just told him, but that's not only stupid but narcissistic. She recognizes the Kylo Ren Thought Process now. It's probably nothing to do with her. ]
[ you're right rey, that's pretty narcissistic. have u not heard of people reading old messages from bae after the breakup when they're sad. (realistically the bae is probably thrawn in this scenario. he and finn weren't much of the messaging type.) but he was distracted enough that he's caught off-guard when rey comes back out and asks the question. he lets go of the magitek. ]
No. I'm fine. I was just looking at some stuff. [ and sounding kind of embarrassed about it. like when your mom catches you with smut magazines. just kidding his mom died when he was nine; that's not something he's lived through. ]
It's fine. You can get in bed.
[ like she's a vampire who needs an invitation ... ]
[ NO SHE NEVER HEARD OF THAT ON JAKKU. Give her a break.
She climbs onto the bed with him. Oddly, the invitation seems to work. She's obviously too used to exercising caution with Kylo's generous boundaries. At least Poe's clear declaration makes her feel more comfortable, to that end. She takes the unoccupied side without complaint, even though it's opposite the side she usually slept on.
Even though it's Ben's side.
She settles her head down on the pillow and peers up at him, trying to find a healthy balance between giving him space and drifting towards the middle of the bed to siphon away his body heat like a vampire. Lots of vampire similes going on here. ]
[ Oh, they're facing each other. He wasn't expecting that, but it is better than the option where she's facing away and he gets a face full of wet hair.]
Messages. I was thinking. It's just hard, you know, having stuff end bad and not being able to fix it. The whole reason I'm here is to fix things at home, you know? I don't like giving up.
[ Where she's nervous to get too close, he takes the initiative. He's hesitant about it, but he still reaches out, touching her upper arm with his sad bandaged hand. Another invitation, this time for her to come closer.]
[ Rey knows that she can't make Poe feel that way. She certainly hadn't felt that way after everyone had transferred. She'd felt alone, isolated, adrift. That had been where her codependency on Keith had started, really. Kylo and Finn left together, along with Anakin and any chance she had of guidance on the ways of the Jedi. It made Kylo's offer look pretty good once it was lost, and it made her weep for the loss of Finn.
But they'd come back. She'd hoped they would, and they both had. Eventually. Poe didn't have that experience to help steady him. She shifted closer to him. Only when she's against his chest, enfolded in his arms, does she recognize that this could be an effort on her part or his to replace the intimacy that she had given up and he'd lost.
Poe's scent is wrong. His build, too. He doesn't make her feel as … surrounded. As safe. But he's steady and solid and she leans into that. It's good that it's different. Friendly, familial, instead of something else that would leave her feeling cheap and dirty. She doesn't feel the same urge to melt against him, to close her mouth over his, to hitch her leg around him and roll onto him and —
She smothers those thoughts. They have no place in the space between her and Poe. They have no place in her mind at all, anymore. Not with Kylo in that spot. ]
[ just "seeing each other" wasn't the same as being able to talk and reconcile something that he may not actually be able to reconcile. but he doesn't actually want to talk about it that much. that was not what he signed up for here. what did he sign up for here? he doesn't really know. maybe just feeling the warmth of another person to escape the crushing loneliness.
she's not exactly what he's used to either. she's smaller. more slight. not delicate, but. different. different enough to not feel like he was using her for something more than base need. ]
Maybe.
[ the word comes out as a sigh as he relents. lets the tension drain out of him. just for a minute. ]
[ She draws a deep breath, taking her time with it, shifting to try to get comfortable. She keeps her arms curled protectively to her chest instead of fully and properly wrapped around Poe, but there's warmth to be found here. ]
I know it doesn't look like it now, but things are going to be alright. I believe that.
[ Maybe not the way they expect them to be, but they'll recover from this. This, and everything else. She pats his chest gently. ]
[ "mm", the noise of noncommittal agreement. (to trying to sleep.) he shifts against her a little bit, trying to become more comfortable. the sleeping kind of comfortable. his arms stay against her, without much actual holding because ... hands. ]
Sorry if I kick you or something.
[ it's easy to see how this could be misconstrued as a romantic encounter with pillow talk like that. ]
[ She laughs softly. Honestly, she'd welcome it. Something to keep her anchored and remembering where she is and who she's with and that Ben's gone. She needs to remember that.
After that, she falls asleep surprisingly quickly. Poe's understanding and comfort and presence, as it turns out, is an adequate palliative on the heels of what felt like a marathon. She'd gone straight from Hayame to Loki to Kylo without ever pausing for breath, certain she'd lose her nerve if she didn't keep pushing.
Her body and mind have been asking for rest for a while. She's just finally listening to them. Hope her light, intermittent snoring doesn't intrude on Poe's peace and quiet. ]
[ it takes him a while to get comfortable enough to sleep, but once he is, he's out pretty heavily. true to his preemptive apology, he's sort of a restless sleeper. not enough to like ... punt her out of bed, but he probably jostles her around a bit. they're learning a lot about each other's sleeping habits.
but it's nice. at least he's able, finally, to sleep at all. no more anger and anxiety bottled up with nowhere to go because he had no one left to confide in before she showed up. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
I understand. I got it. That's why I'm not ... getting all mad and trying to stop you anymore, you know? I get it.
[ he kind of wants to leave it there. good talk, fam. so he shifts a little bit, glancing around the room. the roomba bumps into his foot. ]
If you wanna ... I can sleep on the floor. Or you can if you want. Or we can both sleep on the bed. It won't be weird or anything.
no subject
[ Rey glances between him and the bed. She's not going to get into The Details of how she's used to having someone else there now, and Poe's presence might actually help her sleep because the ambient sounds and the warmth of another person. He doesn't need that. There's an appropriate level of sharing, and then there's oversharing, and that's definitely oversharing. Especially about his nemesis. (They're nemeses now.) ]
I mean, you don't have to sleep on the floor. I'd like the company.
[ That's probably delicate enough. She holds his gaze then, for a moment, before she starts to pull off her boots like alright that's enough talking and crying. Bed time. She starts to pull her hair out, glances at the fresher, then — ]
… Will it bother you if my hair's wet?
no subject
he just nods. trying not to be too extra about the whole thing. and then — ]
Uh, no. [ weird question?? but then, he probably hasn't had sleepovers with people with long enough hair to ... beg that question ... ] I guess not. If you wanna hit the 'fresher or whatever, that's fine.
no subject
I think I will.
[ Shower all of this gross crying feeling off. It could also be read as trying to shower off all that Ben Solo, which might not be an incorrect interpretation on its own. She needs a fresh start. This will suffice. She heads into the refresher and shuts the door behind her. ]
no subject
If you need a bandage for that, I can get a droid.
[ that's as much as he'll push it. a lot of things still seem like walking on thin ice when it comes to rey. this is one of them.
when the door is shut, he tries to make himself comfortable on the bed. rolls around a little bit. tries to be delicate about his hands while doing so. there's no one true comfortable position, though, so he settles for trying to keep most of his body on one side of the bed. fiddling with his magitek. (it's a dogtag-type thing he strung on the necklace that he wears his mother's ring on. now u know.) what's he doing? what's he looking at? none ya business. maybe he's playing snake. (he's not playing snake.) ]
no subject
She'd promised she wouldn't turn her back on him, and she won't. But she will hold the line. He knows what it will take for them to find some middle ground.
So that's where she's at when she gets back out of the refresher, hair towel dried (poorly) and wearing underwear and her tank top. Poe can take comfort in the fact that she's never shaved her legs in her life so it's almost like sleeping with a dude. She feels good about her choices and optimistic and it's almost like this whole Gram process was exactly what she needed to feel more like herself and like she can breathe again. ]
D'you need a minute?
[ She looks pointedly at his magitek like is this a private conversation ?? A paranoid thought lights in her mind about whether he's telling someone she's here or if he's telling someone everything she just told him, but that's not only stupid but narcissistic. She recognizes the Kylo Ren Thought Process now. It's probably nothing to do with her. ]
no subject
No. I'm fine. I was just looking at some stuff. [ and sounding kind of embarrassed about it. like when your mom catches you with smut magazines. just kidding his mom died when he was nine; that's not something he's lived through. ]
It's fine. You can get in bed.
[ like she's a vampire who needs an invitation ... ]
no subject
She climbs onto the bed with him. Oddly, the invitation seems to work. She's obviously too used to exercising caution with Kylo's generous boundaries. At least Poe's clear declaration makes her feel more comfortable, to that end. She takes the unoccupied side without complaint, even though it's opposite the side she usually slept on.
Even though it's Ben's side.
She settles her head down on the pillow and peers up at him, trying to find a healthy balance between giving him space and drifting towards the middle of the bed to siphon away his body heat like a vampire. Lots of vampire similes going on here. ]
What stuff?
no subject
Messages. I was thinking. It's just hard, you know, having stuff end bad and not being able to fix it. The whole reason I'm here is to fix things at home, you know? I don't like giving up.
[ Where she's nervous to get too close, he takes the initiative. He's hesitant about it, but he still reaches out, touching her upper arm with his sad bandaged hand. Another invitation, this time for her to come closer.]
Is this okay?
no subject
[ Rey knows that she can't make Poe feel that way. She certainly hadn't felt that way after everyone had transferred. She'd felt alone, isolated, adrift. That had been where her codependency on Keith had started, really. Kylo and Finn left together, along with Anakin and any chance she had of guidance on the ways of the Jedi. It made Kylo's offer look pretty good once it was lost, and it made her weep for the loss of Finn.
But they'd come back. She'd hoped they would, and they both had. Eventually. Poe didn't have that experience to help steady him. She shifted closer to him. Only when she's against his chest, enfolded in his arms, does she recognize that this could be an effort on her part or his to replace the intimacy that she had given up and he'd lost.
Poe's scent is wrong. His build, too. He doesn't make her feel as … surrounded. As safe. But he's steady and solid and she leans into that. It's good that it's different. Friendly, familial, instead of something else that would leave her feeling cheap and dirty. She doesn't feel the same urge to melt against him, to close her mouth over his, to hitch her leg around him and roll onto him and —
She smothers those thoughts. They have no place in the space between her and Poe. They have no place in her mind at all, anymore. Not with Kylo in that spot. ]
no subject
she's not exactly what he's used to either. she's smaller. more slight. not delicate, but. different. different enough to not feel like he was using her for something more than base need. ]
Maybe.
[ the word comes out as a sigh as he relents. lets the tension drain out of him. just for a minute. ]
no subject
I know it doesn't look like it now, but things are going to be alright. I believe that.
[ Maybe not the way they expect them to be, but they'll recover from this. This, and everything else. She pats his chest gently. ]
Try to sleep.
no subject
[ "mm", the noise of noncommittal agreement. (to trying to sleep.) he shifts against her a little bit, trying to become more comfortable. the sleeping kind of comfortable. his arms stay against her, without much actual holding because ... hands. ]
Sorry if I kick you or something.
[ it's easy to see how this could be misconstrued as a romantic encounter with pillow talk like that. ]
no subject
After that, she falls asleep surprisingly quickly. Poe's understanding and comfort and presence, as it turns out, is an adequate palliative on the heels of what felt like a marathon. She'd gone straight from Hayame to Loki to Kylo without ever pausing for breath, certain she'd lose her nerve if she didn't keep pushing.
Her body and mind have been asking for rest for a while. She's just finally listening to them. Hope her light, intermittent snoring doesn't intrude on Poe's peace and quiet. ]
no subject
but it's nice. at least he's able, finally, to sleep at all. no more anger and anxiety bottled up with nowhere to go because he had no one left to confide in before she showed up. ]