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WISH LIST

★ my dark au kink:
+ being captured by the first order and subjected to reconditioning
+ trying to turn him back with the power of gay love and friendship (and possibly failing)
+ he was always a first order tie fighter pilot instead of winter soldiered
+ poe and finn first order murder squad (dynamics if they were both stormtroopers? running away together?)
+ ^ part b: the fam that gets captured and reconditioned together… stays…together…
+ Interesting Dynamics with kylo and hux from dark aus

★ finn stuff
+ what will they do after the war? romantic vacations? homesteading? sending finn's spit to space 23andme?
+ infinite escape reimagining/aus, stormpilot escape room reigning champions

★ rey stuff
+ relationship of convenience because they're both In Denial
+ sith princess rey aus where he tries to save her and/or she turns him

★ kylo stuff
+ infinite interrogating/torture room reimagining/aus
+ ^ part b: stockholm syndrome?
+ We Need to Talk about Leia

★ general
+ honestly anything regarding leia (esp processing grief post-tros)
+ talking about his sketchy spice runner past (possibly playing things taking place during that time in his life?)
+ ^ same for things taking place during academy/new republic tbh
+ i love aus. modern aus, vampire aus, a/b/o aus, let's au the entire world
+ i prefer m/m for poe but am good with most ships

kinks if ya nasty

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Perhaps. Perhaps not. Only one way to find out. [ Kylo hums a thoughtful sort of sound. ] Though I appreciate you caring whether you look appealing or not.

[ There's absolutely no doubt in her mind that he didn't mean anything of the sort, but since when has that stopped her from finding other meaning in his words? Such instances amuse her, in a good way. Keep her interested. Something she imagines he would prefer she isn't.

But, then again, she's already begun to notice little changes in his temperament. It makes her all the more curious to see just how she can twist and bend him to her will.

The door to the room opening draws her attention — and irritation — and she narrows her eyes at the officer that enters, said officer bringing an update on an incursion taking place in a pocket of the galaxy formerly belonging to the Republic. Though Kylo crosses her arms she indulges the interruption, all but ignoring Poe for the moment. What was he going to do? Run? At this point, she can't say it's a concern. She certainly doesn't act like it is, her back to him as she speaks with the officer and they discuss what will be done with a few Republic loyalists that have been captured during the fighting. ]

I wasn't trying to.

[ he wants to explain until he can get her to understand — but he's still a little hopped up on alpha hormones, and that part of him is seriously detesting how much she's trying to fight him. but he knows that's all it is, so he tries to push it down. ]

Look. Before you — I wasn't trying to do that. You know, claim you. Like that. But if you wanted to, you could be with me. With us.

How can I be with you if I can't even speak to him without cleaning up first?

[ Or at least, choosing that path would 'make it worse.' It's hardly a promising hint for how this might go for the three of them if they tried. Finn would resent her. Finn will already resent her. Not for the first time, Rey damns herself for being born like this. ]

[ he should probably give up. part of him — and no small part, either — knows this. what does he expect to accomplish that nobody else has been able to? if han solo couldn't bring kylo back, what chance does he have? he doesn't know how to approach anyone or anything with a subtle touch. they're both trying to make the other understand things that they won't, out of sheer stubbornness if nothing else.

but here he goes, back in the saddle. again. for the millionth time. ]

Okay, you know what? I wanna know. Tell me what you want. Besides, uh, controlling me. What do you wanna get out of all this. Make me understand.

[ for what it's worth, he's earnest. ]

[ Kylo rolls her eyes as she hears him speak, and if she were in better spirits she would have pointed out that 'make me' do anything was a dangerous wording choice when dealing with a force user. Oh yes, she's sure he actually wants to know. It's just a distraction. Delaying the inevitable. There's a part of her certain of that, the same part that thinks she herself is delaying for some unknown reason, and that she should stop wasting her valuable time and dig into his mind. The past however many hours wouldn't have happened (probably) if she'd followed through on her intent already.

She turns to look at him, almost like she might do just that. Should do that. It's not as if he actually cares. He doesn't care. No one does.

But what she actually does is reply. ]

Well it certainly wasn't this. [ She gestures widely as she turns to fully face him, as if to indicate everything and not so much the immediate surroundings. The ship, what it represents, everything. ] Why would anyone want this, outside of dictators and fascists?

[ She chuckles bitterly, shaking her head a little. ] I suppose the funny thing is my mother tried to help me stay out of politics. When she turned down the governorship of Birren it wasn't simply because she had little interest in it, but also because I would have inherited it and she knew I had no interest in all of that. And yet here I am, with far more than that in my hands.

[ The melancholy that had surfaced the last time they spoke in-depth is present again, as much due to what she says as due to the path of her thoughts as she considers all that led to this. A life that, for most of it, felt out of her control.

What did she want, really? What did she want? Not what someone else wanted, demanded, insisted. But what she wanted, in the truest part of herself. Did she even have a real answer to that anymore? ]

Once, all I wanted was to be like my father.

[ The words are offered quietly, carefully measured as if she were trying to keep emotion out of her voice. Would such an admission surprise Poe, she wonders. The dark voice at the back of her mind is already chiding her for revealing a weakness. But she's tired, physically and mentally, and even if he's merely engaging the conversation to try and delay her doing something to him, Kylo — Brianna — indulges it because she wants to. Because the illusion of someone giving a damn is as close as she ever gets to the real thing. ]

Oh, come on! [ exclaimed with all the gusto of an arrested development character. he did not expect the turn to tables. ] I don't have cold feet. You're making that up. [ is he?

no, flirty banter is fun but maybe not exactly what he wants right now. unfulfilling. like doritos for dinner. his attempt to veer away from sincerity with levity was not as successful as he decided it was going to be.

maybe it's Time. it wasn't Time when he woke up this morning and went to a different level to trade scrap metal for one whole pear, but he knows that it's Time when he looks at finn's big dumb face and feels a lot of big dumb something. even when his face is bickering with him.

especially when his face is bickering with him.

he should go for it. no doubt he's practiced speeches to bb-8 while digging through garbage for their chic things-that-can-pass-for-furniture. does he remember any of them now? no. but that's not important. ]

I don't mind the snoring though. So it's not a dealbreaker. We can still ... stay sharing. Yeah.

[ he might be making it up. but he's probably not. he thinks poe has cold toes and he'll die on that hill. and then he'll beat up anybody else who tries to make fun of poe's cold feet, possibly.

poe's face definitely just did some kind of Thing. he got to watch it in full motion. the softening 2.0. finn's not always sure that's good, but there's something weirdly comforting about being able to watch poe's face do things. no helmets, all emotional broadcasting. his brain almost definitely couldn't make up a face like that, a thing he decided at 4am one time when he was having another round of being legitimately concerned about that very possibility. ]

Okay.

[ okay, maybe there's still a little "does that mean we're done flirt-guing now" confusion hanging around in there. a little cautious hedging. he's not super worried that he Ruined Everything by arguing about poe's cold feet because poe followed up with the "we can share" affirmation, though. so his shoulders manage to relax some. ]

Good. Sharing's better. [ he trusts literally one person in this entire galaxy and it's just better to keep that whole one person within ten feet of him at all times when possible. he doesn't see an issue here. ] You okay?

[ on an incredibly unromantic note, he replies with ]

If we're gonna pull this off, we gotta at least know some stuff about each other.

[ "maybe we could be friends." he almost says it. but it feels like too much of an olive branch extended towards someone who definitely ?probably? doesn't want to be his friend. ]

What we want to do something actually factor much into any of this. I — if we have to do this, I wanna make it work. I want to get to know you.

[ he doesn't know why he straightens up and tries to act like nothing had been happening in this room when the officer comes through the door. still trying to hang on to whatever shredded ribbons he has left of his dignity, even with the bruises blooming at his neck.

stars if it isn't frustrating, though, being treated like some kind of pet around first order officers. a non-person. like he's not even here in this room.

his mind does its (usual, at this point) treading water. no way to get out of here. no way to lash out at her. he tries to listen to the two of them talk about republic loyalists, like it might be something of interest to him, but he can't focus. the panic and lightheadedness make for a bad combo.

that's when his eye fall on it. the lightsaber. it was out of his reach with her on top of him, but she'd forgotten about it while straightening herself up. and now she's distracted. now, maybe...

he tries to be extra subtle about shifting towards it, to grab it. it's wild that he's here thinking he can get this past a force user, but his critical thinking skills have seen better days, as previously noted. ]

[ Given that she's become used to his assorted attempts at rebellion, Kylo doesn't pay particular attention to any little shifts in his emotions, or much attention to any movement for that matter. There's nowhere for him to go. If he wanted to climb off the table and try to hide in some corner of the room she couldn't say she cared at the moment. The embarrassment she sometimes felt from him yet amused her.

No, it's something else that ultimately draws her attention. A familiar sense at the back of her mind that makes her head tilt slightly and makes her draw out a pause between words.

She doesn't immediately turn around though, instead finishing her conversation and dismissing the officer, sending them off to find out the status of the warship that's going to pay the Hutts a visit. It's only then that Kylo turns, arms still crossed as she quirks a brow at Poe. ]

Careful. We wouldn't want you to hurt yourself. [ She chides in a mock-concerned tone, and finally holds out a hand, although whether with the intent to summon the lightsaber to her or with the expectation that he'll hand it to her is debatable. ]

[ he relents. it's at this point he realizes that literally anything he says will be wrong and any choice he makes will end poorly. he fucked up real bad and real hard. (ha ha innuendo.) ]

Go on, then.

[ it's not angry, but it is firm. BYE. a command that finally actually belongs to 100% of him. ]

[ he catches the tiniest micro-movement of her head — but, because she doesn't immediately react, is dumb enough to think that he just might get away with it (what would he do next, after? don't ask, he didn't think that far.)

but there he is when she turns around, caught holding the saber like a kid with his hand in the cookie jar.

how does this turn on?

he'll figure it out in a second. for now, he holds the unignited hilt out like a weapon. any second now, he'll find the switch. ]

Stay back.

[ he's about as dangerous as that same kid with his hand in the cookie jar only now with a weapon he doesn't know how to use, but poe is both bold and insane enough to think that he could make any kind of difference. ]

[ Kylo would be more amused if it were a standard lightsaber in his hand. Far fewer ways for him to unintentionally hurt himself with one of those. As it is she pays more attention to the way he's holding the saber than anything else. Oh, she doesn't doubt he'll figure it out eventually — only so many places for the switch to be — but she's not at all worried about being harmed herself.

Noting the direction of the crossguards, she sighs loudly and the fingers of her outstretched hand curl to grip the air, pulling the hilt out of his hand. ]

If you're going to try and be threatening, you should have a better idea of the weapon in your hands.

[ Once it's in her hand she holds the hilt loosely, so she can hold it up and show him the location of the switch. ] This is what you need to press. [ Which she does with her thumb, igniting the blade between them, although the way she holds it is so the blade is pointed upward and the crossguards pointing away from the both of them. ]

If you get your hands on my saber again, try to remember the crossguards. The blades may be smaller but they're every bit as hot. We wouldn't want you to poke an eye out. [ As she glances at the saber her lips twist in a smirk. ] That traitor friend of yours could tell you just how much the smaller blades hurt. I seem to recall him screaming quite a bit when I dug one into his shoulder.

[ then why did you kill him? that's what's on the tip of his tongue, what he wants to shout out. it stays locked inside, though. it seems like a one-way ticket to brainwashing town when he thinks he's actually making a tiny little amount of progress. maybe he can keep his tendency to fly off the handle in check just this once. just this once, and long enough to have any kind of effect. still naively holding on to that hope that he can turn her. ]

Maybe it's not too late. I'm telling you, it's not too late. Just leave. If you really wanna be like Han Solo, leave. It's what he'd do. He wouldn't care about the consequences.

[ She huffs out a breath that borders on a chuckle, the sound more bitter than amused. ]

Leave. Just leave. [ Though she echoes his words there's nothing mocking in her tone. ] I'm glad it always seems so simple to everyone else. Like the thought never occurred to me before.

[ Shaking her head, she comes closer to him as she continues speaking. ]

Do you think this will all disappear without me here? Do you honestly think the Order is made to fall apart so easily? I'm not talking numbers, I'm talking functionality. Structure. Hux, who arguably led the fleet, has been dead barely a few hours and a suitable replacement has already been appointed. There are contingency plans in place for countless situations. The First Order itself is, in a way, a contingency plan that has flourished.

[ As she regards him for a few moments, there's a part of her that sincerely wishes it were so easy. That anything in her life could be so simple. It certainly sounds novel, and right up there with the idea of a normal life. Something that didn't exist for anyone in her bloodline. Following in her father's footsteps would have been the closest to normal that she could have found. ]

[ okay, maybe zhautas had the longer slow burn, but it feels five times more slow in this au, where he gets to sleep on a twin bed with finn every night but is afraid to do more than spooning and holding hands because what if it's taking advantage?

it's probably not taking advantage anymore. he'd like to hope. there was a whole time lapse. ]

Yeah. [ right. they were having a whole conversation outside of his head. he jd-ed out again. ]

I wanna — just …

[ he doesn't know how to do big actual romantic declarations, so he skips it and goes in for a kiss. he did it's he's doing it. can't go back now. ]

[ can confirm it's not taking advantage. a lot goes into a time lapse of trying to build a shitty spaceship and living together in a junkyard with nothing else to do. they are both more disaster-shaped than in canon, but finn is still not a baby duck. and poe is not a gross person in this regard which goes without saying.

all of finn's impulses and brain cells and body cells are slamming the gas pedal on "this is something that should be happening that you want to be happening." finn doesn't strictly hop right aboard the kissing-back train, though. it's not a disinterest thing, it's a surprise thing. like, a waiting for poe to change his mind about it for some reason thing. thinking about how nice it is thing.

which strands him in his own jd-ed processing zone until probably whatever point poe thinks "maybe that was not a good plan???" and starts pulling back.

in the spirit of the wise head-touching meme man: poe can't walk out of the ship very fast if finn death-grips the front of his shirt. he would like poe here in the mouth vicinity if poe would actually like to be in said vicinity. not just so he can look at poe's mouth, which he obviously does. but also so he can stare at poe's face in general like he is unlocking a lot of very vital mysteries. ]

I didn't think you were interested.

[ poe: uproots and derails his entire life to rescue him, does everything he can to help him out and keep him tethered to actual reality when things get Rough. is very good and handsome and nice and tries to be super patient, basically promises to retire to a nice ranch and live together for the foreseeable future, where they can both keep being around each other and try to be careful with each other. makes it very clear by being himself that he is not a dubconing creeper. the best loving and supportive bf material that anyone could be in these trying au times. literally kisses him.

finn, who was infatuated within a week of coming back from his half of the dramatic sad montage to poe still wanting him here: he probably means it As Friends bc he thinks i'm a baby with a swiss cheese brain where his friend once used to be, and i should respect that... :( even though he's literally the most important person in the galaxy and i would dramatically dive off of a garbage cliff if something happened to him. 1300 word youtube montage emo fanfic about it.

it's maybe not the most romantic first sentence. ]

You're, uh. You sure you're interested?

[ finn fails his bluff roll on trying not to sound hopeful. he doesn't have a fursona, he now canonically has a neon sign-sona. the sign says "dear poe dameron please really be interested in kissing me love finn 2.0."

don't @ him!!! he doesn't do take-backs. he wants to be fully on the same page before he yeets past the take-back-able point. ]

[ the shirt grip is a good thing. it tells him that he is making the right choice and doesn't need to run out of the junk ship at top-speed. he is welcome to stay and keep kissing.

it's a relief. a giant rush. like a poorly built dam made of popsicle sticks breaking to let all his feelings out.

it's okay. finn likes him and it's okay to like him back and life can stop feeling victorian novel-level repressed even though, again, they spoon on a twin bed every night. MAYBE NOW THEY CAN DO THINGS BESIDES SPOON. no, dameron, get ahold of yourself. take things one step at a time. right now he gets to kiss him and that's a whole canteen in this affection desert. ]

I didn't want you to feel trapped into being with me.

[ or for him to run away again. because the first time it happened, it almost broke him. all he's wanted… the whole time … is finn's happiness. gay. ]

I've been interested the whole time. … I mean, I came to save you because I loved you. Even when I wasn't supposed to. But then … everything was different, and I didn't want…

I didn't know if it was a good idea to say that.

[ he tried so hard. do you know how hard it is for poe to restrain literally any thought in his brain. and he's been out here for weeks just trying his best. ]

[ also idk like a college au or some garbage where they have phones and free time that isn't devoted to evading death and kyle ron

also is this a misfire or is this real life or just fantasy ]

if you want me to do that, i want two slices of cake
stop being cheap

[ seems legit 👌 just some college kids living their college lives ... poe is probably a ta because he's old. ]

come on!! i will give you the whole cake if you bring finn to professor organa's halloween party

are you invited to professor organa's halloween party???

[ is she jealous ]

well yeah i mean i do a lot of grading for her i want to ask finn but he's in my class so i don't want to make it weird how many cakes do you want

i am also in your class???

[ finn is her ONE (1) friend. she doesn't want to just give him up so that poe can stare at him in closets or something. ~~she wants to share :C~~ ]

but if i ask you and then YOU bring him it's not the same as if i do it's more casual

[ this is ... space logic ... ]

why can you ask me and not him
this is stupid

you know i can just buy my own cakes, right

[ but she won't because she's broke af and also cheap ]

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this is a wonderful surprise ❤

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one (1) desert gremlin, yw

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