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WISH LIST

★ my dark au kink:
+ being captured by the first order and subjected to reconditioning
+ trying to turn him back with the power of gay love and friendship (and possibly failing)
+ he was always a first order tie fighter pilot instead of winter soldiered
+ poe and finn first order murder squad (dynamics if they were both stormtroopers? running away together?)
+ ^ part b: the fam that gets captured and reconditioned together… stays…together…
+ Interesting Dynamics with kylo and hux from dark aus

★ finn stuff
+ what will they do after the war? romantic vacations? homesteading? sending finn's spit to space 23andme?
+ infinite escape reimagining/aus, stormpilot escape room reigning champions

★ rey stuff
+ relationship of convenience because they're both In Denial
+ sith princess rey aus where he tries to save her and/or she turns him

★ kylo stuff
+ infinite interrogating/torture room reimagining/aus
+ ^ part b: stockholm syndrome?
+ We Need to Talk about Leia

★ general
+ honestly anything regarding leia (esp processing grief post-tros)
+ talking about his sketchy spice runner past (possibly playing things taking place during that time in his life?)
+ ^ same for things taking place during academy/new republic tbh
+ i love aus. modern aus, vampire aus, a/b/o aus, let's au the entire world
+ i prefer m/m for poe but am good with most ships

kinks if ya nasty

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Poe, please.

[ she shakes her head, insistent. ]

I don't want to fight you.

[ that at least seems like the truth. it's hard to parse in her lately, harder for all the lies she has told, but there is a wetness about her eyes that makes it look like this really pains her — being on the opposite side from him. ]

[ it could be a trick — he knows full well it could be a trick — but ... part of him wants to believe her. maybe this is the real rey. the one he could still save. the one who was so amazing and kind. the one he thought was going to save the galaxy. not the one cutting a swath across it. ]

I don't want to fight you, either. [he reaches up to run a hand through his hair. tired again.] I believed in you, Rey. I'd never met anyone like you before, I really thought ... I thought you were the real thing. You don't need to do this, you know? Just stop. Leave it behind. It's not too late.

Why?

[ she drops her hands to her sides. ]

We're so close. Why would I stop now?

[ she turns from him because he's just Such a Non-Threat right now, pacing, she smooths one hand over her hair, searching for a way to make him understand. finally she stops and looks towards him again. ]

I can bring you to him. Stand down. You can see Finn again.

[the rage cuts through him like wildfire. how could she do that? the question was rhetorical. he knew how. she knew he had one weakness, and now she was exploiting it. it was the logical thing to do.

and it made him all the more angry that he wanted to just give in. he could say okay, stand down, have finn again ...

at the price of everything he'd tried to build. a legacy that wasn't his, but it had become his, and he refused to run it into the ground. leia lost han solo, and she kept going. at least he knew finn was most likely alive, even if he'd never see him again. there was some small comfort in that.]

That's not going to work! You can't say stuff like that! You stand down, and we could be together again. The three of us. Like it used to be.

[ space slave army has nothing on interaction with waitresses who just don't give a fuck. he hates it. but he does it.

and you know what, it's fine for poe to stare at the table, because it leaves more room for finn to stare at him. maybe it's more caps for the gallery.

it's not. poe looks certifiably Done. he looks miserable. he looks like he maybe has no idea what he's doing or why he's here. like he almost wishes that he could even want to be a person who wants to give up. and this speaks to finn more clearly than "everything is gonna work out" and "you're not going back ever" and "i have a plan".

honestly, they couldn't actually take the empathy out of him if they'd had him in reconditioning for a year. there are reflections here of things he still does know what to do with.

being also impulsive and half on a date with the abyss, finn uhhh

goes??? for the hand grab? he thinks he's doing it right? it's literally the first impulse that crossed his brain. want to help, not sure how, grab hand. his face says maybe he is prepared to have his moderately gay content brushed off. and he maybe can't maintain eye contact for very long bc he definitely has no idea what he's doing, but you know what. it's already happening and at this point he's committed to Trying. ]

We're a team now. [ wow. romantic. how does he say 'i plan to try very hard to make sure you don't die because you're good and i can tell and i'm sorry i keep making this hard for you.' by not fuckin saying it at all, what's the next best sentiment that might cover it. ] I look out for my team.

[ there there.... poe rebelman. he guesses. he probably could have just said Thanks at any point.

it should scare him more to say that. he got in hot water for that exact kind of empathetic bullshit with slip, and he should definitely know better, but he can't look at poe's face and know better at the same, currently. ]

Like it used to be? When we were fighting just to stay alive?

[ the very tone of her voice scorns the thought. repels it. she spits on the ground. ]

We don't have to anymore. We could win this war, and you're busy holding onto principles. What good are principles to the people on the outer rim? You think your New Republic could do more for those suffering than I can?

I was them!

[ she raises her voice to a shout. the force causes the cavern ceiling to tremble and pebbles fall. she closes her hand into a fist. ]

This is how we stay together. Alive.

[he glances up at the cavern trembling around him, frowning. it was bad, but —

maybe if it collapsed on both of them

the war would end.

that's fucked up, poe. but life is kind of fucked up right now and he's not afraid to seize the opportunity where he sees it. if he can't turn her, what other choice is there?]

How do you think your precious First Order was made? They exploited people on the outer rim, Rey! Kidnapped their children, bled their planets dry for resources! You're not ending the suffering, you're just prolonging it. You're a hypocrite who's so high on your own power you can't see things for how they really are. I'll never join you. Not for that.

I'm sorry it has to be this way.

[ she could argue with him. tell him all the ways that she knows she can end that suffering, the ways she can restore those planets to something worth living on, or at least bring the people from them closer to the core. she can—

but it's not worth it. she sees now. he'll never understand. not unless she makes him. she steps closer to him and raises her hand in one of the first techniques ben had ever taught her.

unconsciousness takes him. ]

I'm so sorry.

[he knows the apology isn't her turning, but before he can spend too much time analyzing it, he has approximately a half-second where his feet go out from under him, where he's collapsing and he knows exactly why and he's so angry and hurt she'd do that to him —

and then there's nothing.]

[yeah no we don't talk about that poe would never marry his random girlfriend from season one, okay. but their orphans will probably also age ten years sitting through the bullshit. it's gonna be great.

also it's true, he is. the spice of love is awesome ok don't knock it until you've tried it.]

Yeah, I could've found a medical droid, but if I did that, you wouldn't've come down, and then we wouldn't ... be here.

[because clearly there aren't a million better ways, just those two.]

[ finn hums as skeptically as possible. he's not even going to pretend he's not skeptical about this enterprise. he also runs his fingers through poe's hair.

i think by this point he's probably forgotten that they're just chillin in a cargo bay that anybody could need to walk into. boyfriend town and boner town exact their tolls when you hit the road to find them, and the toll is usually common sense and memory span. ]

Not today, maybe. But I'm not too good at being subtle, so. Probably still get around to it eventually.

[ the interrogation chamber is too cold, too full of bad memories for him. she can feel the fear of it in his unconscious mind as she transports him. it reminds her of the crime she has committed against him, doing this. he'll never forgive her. not fully. but maybe she can make him forget his anger, or make something else stronger than it.

the troop she brought with her cuts down the rest of his companions. they won't surrender, now that poe hasn't. she'll keep that from him too. add it to the list.

rey accompanies poe back aboard the supremacy, never letting him out of her sight. she tells herself it's because she wants to protect him, keep him safe, be there when he wakes up. really it's that she can't risk him waking before she wants him to. she's even lying to herself these days.

eventually though he does wake, in a spartan bunk where the stormtroopers are housed. the kind finn had grown up sleeping on. she sits at the end of it. his wrists are pinned down not with metal, but with the force. ]

I know you're awake. [ she says it softly. ] I just want to talk.

[as soon as he wakes up, before he can even fully take in his surroundings, he hears her voice and can piece out enough of what happened that he tries to fight against the force holding him down, tries to thrash against it like a wild animal, accomplishing nothing except maybe a quiver.]

Now you want to talk? Oh, I can't wait to hear this.

["i took you prisoner but it's okay because my first order is the best first order." kriff off honestly.]

[yep, just chillin naked in a cargo bay with no room for jesus. as bros do. they'll get to boner town eventually, they just had to make a pitstop to refuel at boyfriend town.]

Well, I was so sure you wouldn't ... I don't know, maybe if I got drunk enough. I dunno. One of us had to break eventually. [he laughs again, a soft chuckle this time.]

[yeah he's pretty miserable honestly. abandoning all your principles for ~true love~ sounds great in theory until you get into the logistics of it. and your love doesn't remember you. and you actually kind of like your principles a lot but feel like maybe you can't have both. and your life in general is just rapidly spiraling out of control.

there's a lot there.

he's taken out of his existential crisis spiral by finn taking his hand. (i mean, he reflexively took it, they're holding hands now.) he looks down at both of their hands, then up at finn. he didn't … have to initiate it? finn just went for it???

like, okay, maybe it wasn't very much on an emotional level coming from finn, but to poe it was everything, like some nicholas sparks notebook shit. he is deceased. a grin slowly plasters itself on his face.]

Yeah? Well, I'm glad you've got my back. I wouldn't want anyone else on my team.

[good thing there … isn't??? oh wait bb-8 beeps from under the table like UH EXCUSE YOU I AM YOUR SON. poe glances down and laughs.]

Okay, okay, maybe nobody else except BB-8.

Do you think I've changed? Do I not seem like the same person to you?

[ the question seems genuine in its earnest. or it would, at least, were he not paralyzed by an invisible force that made him a captive audience to it.

but the intent is there. she wants to understand, to be able to empathize with why this is so hard for him. obviously he can't trust her, but she can't see why. he had trusted her once. he had called her a hero, once. ]

[he relaxes against the invisible pressure holding him down, not because he's actually relaxed in any capacity, but because he knows his energy could be spent on better things. eventually.

with a sigh, he goes up to bat again. is he going to turn her? probably not. but he couldn't give up. trying to make her mad enough to collapse a cavern on them had been a last-ditch strategy, not the end game.]

I think the real you is still in there somewhere. [note: the "real" you, not the "old" you.] You're just ... lost. Scared. You're clinging to this because it's easy. Doing the right thing is hard. Trust me, I know. I know that more than anything. But, you can't ... you can't fool yourself into thinking that it doesn't matter.

You think seizing control of the First Order has been easy?

[ frankly if it weren't so absurd, she might be offended. ]

Fighting with you? With Finn? Poe, it's the hardest thing I've ever done.

[ and it's the truth. the gray complications of accepting that the light side wasn't always good and the dark side wasn't always wrong had been ... well, it had changed her, on some basic compositional level. it had forced her to confront so many things. to rebuild her assumptions. but around the same core fundamentals. the same values that she and poe shared. ]

[yes, he thinks, of course it's easier. maybe not the struggle to the top, but from there on out it had to be smooth sailing. having the supplies, the firepower, the sheer numbers. not having to lose people over and over again, each loss made more personal simply out of having the numbers small enough to actually know each person personally. recruiting people to a dying cause, but not giving up because there was still some part of him that was still that cocksure fighter pilot who refused to pull out of a botched mission, who still believed he could win and all the blood spilled to get there would be justifable if he could just make it that far.

but he can't say anything like that, not to her. she wouldn't understand. too selfish to see it. so he goes for the personal appeal.]

You don't want to fight us? Then stop. You have all the power. You could disband the First Order. Make something else. You could do anything, and you're choosing this.

[ she shakes her head even before he finishes speaking. she already knows what this is. she knows because it wasn't so long ago that she was on the other side of it, making the same appeal to ben. ]

Disbanding the First Order would only make the chaos greater. More people would suffer. But I am making something else, out of it. Snoke is gone. Luke is gone. We get to choose what comes next.

What proof do you want that I'm not going to be like them?

[so many things he could say, but it's all succinctly summed up in two words:]

End it.

["let me go, let finn go, stop killing the resistance" ... it's all, for the most part. personal. but the war wasn't just rey or him or finn, it was about everyone. leia drilled that much into his thick skull, if nothing else. peace for him personally by her throwing him a bone and doing some small favor wasn't real peace. it wasn't worth having.]

I already have.

[ the immediate and stark distance that dips into her voice as she says this is the kind that makes stomachs drop. she sighs, lifting herself off the bunk. ]

When you refused to surrender, so did the rest of your forces. [ she turns to look back at him. ] The Resistance is gone, Poe. You and Finn are all that remains. I didn't want to tell you this way.

[there's a cold, empty despair inside him that spreads before she even finishes saying what he already knows she's going to say. he should've known that was coming from the moment he woke up here. there was no other way for it to end.

time to make good on the words he'd uttered multiple times. he couldn't speak for finn, didn't know if he'd buckle or not -- but he knows himself.]

As long as I'm alive, the Resistance is. I'm never gonna bow to you, Rey. Kill me or keep me locked up like you've got Finn, it doesn't matter.

I don't want you to bow.

[ she shakes her head. ]

I want you on my side.

[ and now that she has the kind of power she has, she doesn't have to just want and wait anymore. she can have it. she looks him over sadly. no. he'll never forgive her this. but he doesn't have to. ]

I know you miss it too.

I miss it. I miss the Rey I used to know. I miss having her by my side. You, you're ... I don't even know you.

[he can't do it. he can't turn her. he never could. there's not a happy ending to this.

maybe dying would be okay. he could go become one with the force. see his mom again.]

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