[ high gay drama at its peak. they had a nice stretch of non-brick walls for a little while there. that's going in the scrapbook. ]

I really don't need that. [ and yet?? he also doesn't try to pull his hand back? ] What I need is to know why you won't just-- understand anything, I don't know how else I can--

[ he runs his free hand down his face and puts on his metaphorical thinking cap. ]

There is no getting out, Poe. Not for real. There's no staying out. Everything that you try to give me right now is just something you're gonna lose all over again.

[ how can he say it any more plainly? he sourced this article, the source is him. he's uhhhh totally not scared just talking about this, either, totally not a little bit glad to have a handhold going on. ]

Everything that they have to get rid of when I'm back, I'm gonna know I'm losing until it's gone. I don't even know what's gone from before, but I know I can't do it again. I can't. I need you to stop trying to give me things that won't fit where I need to fit when that happens.

[ that's what it all feels like, he thinks. like poe trying to give him weird verbal gifts. telling him he has a name and a place that wants him back and friends, and that he's a person, even if he's not the same person who had that name and that life and the place that wants him back anymore.

he doesn't want it.

he doesn't want it to go. ]