[That's just it. Finn one hundred percent believes that Poe would back him up in any situation, no matter how horrible or dire, even under the worst circumstances. And he'd do it for him.
That's important in more ways that he can express with words, because neither of them are super great at speaking.
He's about to reassure him, because he's not sure why Poe would think he'd leave him, well, ever, but then...THAT happens.
Finn's brain short circuits. He doesn't respond at first, more out of surprise than anything else, and he looks a little deer-in-the-headlights when Poe pulls back to check on him. His chest feels like it's going to explode, his face feels hotter than it ever had, and he's not entirely sure he's not going to pass out if he doesn't do, well, something.
Luckily for Poe, that something is to slide his hand from Poe's shoulder to the side of his neck so he can pull him back in. Because he needs to feel that again. Immediately.]
[finn is staring at him, and he has a split second of standing there thinking was that the wrong call???? did i screw up once ag—
and then there's no more room in his head for thinking about anything because finn is pulling him back in. nope, no thinking. just action. if finn wants seconds then poe is here and ready and he is gonna 👏 get 👏 some 👏 . he uses the hand still against finn's back from the hug to press him in closer. no room for space jesus. he's been waiting so long for this and now it's time; he held back for a moment and now he's done holding back forever. he's a gay 100 emoji, he's a wildfire. he's all force and pressure and mouth and also some teeth. who is breathing, i don't know her.]
[It's to Poe's benefit that he's all in, because Finn has literally no idea what he's doing, and the fact that he simply has a lead to follow does wonders. Everythings a reaction, from the way his hands grip a little bit tighter, to the way he sucks in air through his teeth, and how he chases after that warmth that starts to seep through him.
Finn had only recently learned that sometimes the best thing he could do was stop thinking so much and just do whatever felt right. And damn if this didn't feel right.]
[he gets that finn's all reaction and, it makes sense?? they probably weren't playing spin the bottle at the stormtrooper finishing school for boys. he's not pressed about it. if he has to build up from the ground up with finn and intimacy then that is a job he's willing to take on.
he starts pulling him towards the wall, only breaking from the making out occasionally to catch his breath. can't breathe through his nose okay he's doing too much. anyway, here's wonderwall. as in, finn is pressed against the wall. the hand that was at his back plants itself against the wall instead, while his other hand slides down to finn's neck.
still a little out of breath, he announces:]
If I do something that's not okay, tell me to stop, okay?
[There probably wasn't much making out practice in the barracks, no. Not even with his reflection in a mirror or a picture in a magazine.
Finn half stumbles backwards and is saved by the sudden presence of the wall, his back pressing into it as Poe effectively pins him against it. Finn doesn't seem to mind, and Poe doesn't seem to be bothered by his inexperience, so that bolsters his confidence a little.
Oh, words. He tries to process those but it doesn't entirely work because he's just like 'this is nice why would I tell you to stop?']
Yeah, alright. You too.
[Though in Finn's case it's more a matter of like...tell me if I'm bad at this and not what Poe's probably actually trying to get across. It's fine.]
[the "you too" is the most precious thing that poe has ever heard and it honestly melts his heart a little. finn is too good, too pure. actually that takes him out of the mood for a second like maybe we should just hold hands forever. he seems like he would be into that. he's really into holding hands.
just kidding the thirst is too strong. he's been laying in the desert, tortured by thirst. since the day he met finn, probably. so like ... month ago? that's a long time, okay. a long time that involved a lot of sleeping beside him and not acting on any carnal urges because he's such a gentleman. and not a chaotic gay thirsty mess.
he refocuses his kissing effort to finn's neck, while his hand that was touching him there moves to his chest and ... slowly starts to make its way down but sort of stops at his stomach because it's time for feelings. he's having gay feelings and is unable to stop them from coming out. in the middle of making out. it's fine. don't worry about it.]
I've always — [the words are a whisper against finn's neck — ] I love you so much. I want you to know that. I love you.
[Oh, that's new. Also nice. His head tilts back until it rests against the wall, wetting his lips unconsciously.
Let it be known that two people told Finn they loved him this day. It has been A Day. Stressful but good in ways that Finn has zero familiarity with, and this emotional rollercoaster apparently decided to make its highest climb near the end instead of the beginning.
It was different with Rey, though. She'd said it and it had meant something else, something so different that it almost didn't make sense to him why they only had one word to describe what he was feeling then to what he felt now.
He's not sure he would have been able to put a word to this, not if Poe hadn't done it for him first.
Finn's hands slide up on either side of Poe's face to lift him away from his neck, the urge to meet his gaze suddenly all-consuming, as if he's going to be able to look into his eyes and find the answers to everything that's happened since they met.]
I love you, too.
[That's why he's really here, isn't it? Not just to help the Resistance, or to make sure that Rey has a place to come home to.
It's to save him. It's always been the biggest part.]
[something about those words, wanting them for so long and then actually hearing them — looking at his face, so intensely earnest as always — it's like a shock to his system. electricity, or ice water. or both at the same time.
his urge to be the most dramatically gay at all times outweighs his thirst. maybe he'll actually get out some of the words he was struggling with earlier. he straightens up a little bit, but doesn't leave any room for space jesus. gaze still intent on finn. ]
You know, on the Finalizer, I thought I was gonna die. I didn't have any hope left, that was it. But then ... you came. You came and saved me. I always kinda thought the Force gave you to me.
Yeah ... yeah. I think you're right. It's gotta mean something.
[basically: his mom was right. things balance out. bad things happen to remind us of what's really important. if he hadn't taken a trip to torture town, he never would have met finn. he wouldn't have been there to save finn. even though what he went through still weighs heavy on him, heavier than he'd like to admit to anyone (even though his super melodramatic reaction to mind reading existing is kind of a clue to the levels of ptsd going on there but it's fine don't worry about it), he wouldn't trade it or take it back ... because of finn.]
Look, with ... with everything. We don't know what's gonna happen back home. Maybe we'll get our incentives and everything will work out fine, but if it doesn't, I just ... [yeah he would have regretted it. he waited like two weeks which is the equivalent of 20 years with how these kids fuckin navigate their relationships with other people.] I wanted to make sure you knew how much you mean to me. And that I don't — I don't ever wanna be without you.
Yeah? [He just likes the fact that Poe is agreeing with him on this, and he nods.] Yeah.
[They sure say that a lot. Whatever. Poets they are not.
They've both got their baggage, most of it surrounding the First Order, albeit in different ways. But it's just another thing that binds them together, even if hating the same thing wasn't the most healthy thing to bond over.
Good thing there was more to it than that.]
We'll make it work. Here and back home. [If he has to be the one to make sure they don't lose hope for however long this takes, he'll do it.] I'll make sure of it.
anyway, the "i'll make sure of it" sets him over the edge. what edge? the edge of being a stupid lovestruck fool, probably.]
Yeah.
[just keeps saying "yeah." yeah until the heat death of the universe. it's fine. his brain is tanking and tanking fast. clearly the only way to get a handle on the situation again is to go back to kissing him? his hands find their way back to finn's waist. ah yes, kissing. his brain can handle this.]
Finn gets caught a little by surprise again, which isn't all that shocking since he's literally never done this before in his life. So while Poe's brain can handle this, Finn's starts racing, along with the quick beat of his heart, since he has no idea what he's doing.
At least he's pretty good at following someone else's lead. He has a lot of experience doing that.
He's not entirely sure what to do with his hands, though, so they end up awkwardly on either side of Poe's ribs, but neither of them probably care all that much since there's probably not a lot of space between them again.]
[yeah no. he appreciates the part where finn is also touching him without being too worried about the specifics of it. they're living life on the fly and everything is cool. he honestly doesn't really know what he wants out of this interaction? maybe this is enough. maybe being this close to finn is enough to quench his thirst. they can work their way up to other things.
anyway it's been real with the wall but he's done with it now. he uses his grip on finn to pull him back towards the bed, trying to maintain making out too but multitasking is hard so that part gets sloppier. w/e it's just for a minute.]
[Kissing is hard enough when you've never done it before. Trying to kiss while walking without being able to see where he's going is harder, so sloppy it is.
Whatever, he doesn't know any better.
His mouth breaks from Poe's briefly as he doesn't step quite far enough to keep up, long enough for a dopey grin to spread across his face, his cheeks radiating warmth. He halfway falls onto the bed, his fingers grasping loosely at Poe's clothes, but at least he doesn't look nervous.
There should probably be a yet at the end of that.]
[ finn's stupid grin makes him stupid grin right back, staring at him with the same wonderment someone might have when staring at a double rainbow or a meteor shower. he loves him so much it's straight up ridiculous.
he's not sure if the grasping at his clothes was an effort to remove said clothes or if he was trying to keep balance before falling onto the bed. GUESS HE'LL FIND OUT. he flops onto the bed, pulling finn down the rest of the way with him. they fall sideways, ftr. that was just how it happened. he kind loses track of what he was doing again. still in that zone of staring and stupid grinning at him. ]
You know ... it's like ... when you smile, it's like looking at five suns at once.
[He doesn't really know, okay. Thus the restless tugging and tangling of his fingers. Dude is clueless.
And then they're laying next to each other and Poe is staring at him again like he's some magical creature and he doesn't know what to even do with that.
He huffs out a bit of laughter at Poe's declaration, his grin both amused and content.]
[just let it happen, okay. he reaches out, hand gently gliding along his arm. they're good arms tho. the question makes him glance away, laughing. called out on his fuckery.]
It just means it's a lot. But in a good way. Maybe it sounded better in my head.
[his hand makes its way back up in its general scoping out of finn, coming to rest against the curve of his neck. he will write a russian novel about all of finn's finer qualities.]
Mm, other stuff? [that's fucking adorable and he loves it. why is finn so perfect. ftr he doesn't think finn is a dumb baby duck so much as just an awkward dork.] You want me to stop talking, you just gotta say so.
You don't have to — [he bites at his lip, trying to figure out what to say in the middle of actually saying it.] — I don't want you to feel like you're just following my lead. Unless you really want to. [that could be his kink, who is poe to judge.] If I ever make you uncomfortable, tell me, okay? And I mean that whenever, not just today.
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That's important in more ways that he can express with words, because neither of them are super great at speaking.
He's about to reassure him, because he's not sure why Poe would think he'd leave him, well, ever, but then...THAT happens.
Finn's brain short circuits. He doesn't respond at first, more out of surprise than anything else, and he looks a little deer-in-the-headlights when Poe pulls back to check on him. His chest feels like it's going to explode, his face feels hotter than it ever had, and he's not entirely sure he's not going to pass out if he doesn't do, well, something.
Luckily for Poe, that something is to slide his hand from Poe's shoulder to the side of his neck so he can pull him back in. Because he needs to feel that again. Immediately.]
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and then there's no more room in his head for thinking about anything because finn is pulling him back in. nope, no thinking. just action. if finn wants seconds then poe is here and ready and he is gonna 👏 get 👏 some 👏 . he uses the hand still against finn's back from the hug to press him in closer. no room for space jesus. he's been waiting so long for this and now it's time; he held back for a moment and now he's done holding back forever. he's a gay 100 emoji, he's a wildfire. he's all force and pressure and mouth and also some teeth. who is breathing, i don't know her.]
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Finn had only recently learned that sometimes the best thing he could do was stop thinking so much and just do whatever felt right. And damn if this didn't feel right.]
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he starts pulling him towards the wall, only breaking from the making out occasionally to catch his breath. can't breathe through his nose okay he's doing too much. anyway, here's wonderwall. as in, finn is pressed against the wall. the hand that was at his back plants itself against the wall instead, while his other hand slides down to finn's neck.
still a little out of breath, he announces:]
If I do something that's not okay, tell me to stop, okay?
[/teaches finn about consent because he's woke]
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Finn half stumbles backwards and is saved by the sudden presence of the wall, his back pressing into it as Poe effectively pins him against it. Finn doesn't seem to mind, and Poe doesn't seem to be bothered by his inexperience, so that bolsters his confidence a little.
Oh, words. He tries to process those but it doesn't entirely work because he's just like 'this is nice why would I tell you to stop?']
Yeah, alright. You too.
[Though in Finn's case it's more a matter of like...tell me if I'm bad at this and not what Poe's probably actually trying to get across. It's fine.]
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just kidding the thirst is too strong. he's been laying in the desert, tortured by thirst. since the day he met finn, probably. so like ... month ago? that's a long time, okay. a long time that involved a lot of sleeping beside him and not acting on any carnal urges because he's such a gentleman. and not a chaotic gay thirsty mess.
he refocuses his kissing effort to finn's neck, while his hand that was touching him there moves to his chest and ... slowly starts to make its way down but sort of stops at his stomach because it's time for feelings. he's having gay feelings and is unable to stop them from coming out. in the middle of making out. it's fine. don't worry about it.]
I've always — [the words are a whisper against finn's neck — ] I love you so much. I want you to know that. I love you.
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Let it be known that two people told Finn they loved him this day. It has been A Day. Stressful but good in ways that Finn has zero familiarity with, and this emotional rollercoaster apparently decided to make its highest climb near the end instead of the beginning.
It was different with Rey, though. She'd said it and it had meant something else, something so different that it almost didn't make sense to him why they only had one word to describe what he was feeling then to what he felt now.
He's not sure he would have been able to put a word to this, not if Poe hadn't done it for him first.
Finn's hands slide up on either side of Poe's face to lift him away from his neck, the urge to meet his gaze suddenly all-consuming, as if he's going to be able to look into his eyes and find the answers to everything that's happened since they met.]
I love you, too.
[That's why he's really here, isn't it? Not just to help the Resistance, or to make sure that Rey has a place to come home to.
It's to save him. It's always been the biggest part.]
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his urge to be the most dramatically gay at all times outweighs his thirst. maybe he'll actually get out some of the words he was struggling with earlier. he straightens up a little bit, but doesn't leave any room for space jesus. gaze still intent on finn. ]
You know, on the Finalizer, I thought I was gonna die. I didn't have any hope left, that was it. But then ... you came. You came and saved me. I always kinda thought the Force gave you to me.
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[When they'd both thought there was nothing left. Finn had already made his choice, and if Poe hadn't been there.
It's hard to wish something bad hadn't happened to them when it meant they'd both end up here, though.]
That has to mean something, right?
[And if it doesn't, maybe they're just really fucking lucky. Finn would be okay with that, too.]
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[basically: his mom was right. things balance out. bad things happen to remind us of what's really important. if he hadn't taken a trip to torture town, he never would have met finn. he wouldn't have been there to save finn. even though what he went through still weighs heavy on him, heavier than he'd like to admit to anyone (even though his super melodramatic reaction to mind reading existing is kind of a clue to the levels of ptsd going on there but it's fine don't worry about it), he wouldn't trade it or take it back ... because of finn.]
Look, with ... with everything. We don't know what's gonna happen back home. Maybe we'll get our incentives and everything will work out fine, but if it doesn't, I just ... [yeah he would have regretted it. he waited like two weeks which is the equivalent of 20 years with how these kids fuckin navigate their relationships with other people.] I wanted to make sure you knew how much you mean to me. And that I don't — I don't ever wanna be without you.
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[They sure say that a lot. Whatever. Poets they are not.
They've both got their baggage, most of it surrounding the First Order, albeit in different ways. But it's just another thing that binds them together, even if hating the same thing wasn't the most healthy thing to bond over.
Good thing there was more to it than that.]
We'll make it work. Here and back home. [If he has to be the one to make sure they don't lose hope for however long this takes, he'll do it.] I'll make sure of it.
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anyway, the "i'll make sure of it" sets him over the edge. what edge? the edge of being a stupid lovestruck fool, probably.]
Yeah.
[just keeps saying "yeah." yeah until the heat death of the universe. it's fine. his brain is tanking and tanking fast. clearly the only way to get a handle on the situation again is to go back to kissing him? his hands find their way back to finn's waist. ah yes, kissing. his brain can handle this.]
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Finn gets caught a little by surprise again, which isn't all that shocking since he's literally never done this before in his life. So while Poe's brain can handle this, Finn's starts racing, along with the quick beat of his heart, since he has no idea what he's doing.
At least he's pretty good at following someone else's lead. He has a lot of experience doing that.
He's not entirely sure what to do with his hands, though, so they end up awkwardly on either side of Poe's ribs, but neither of them probably care all that much since there's probably not a lot of space between them again.]
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anyway it's been real with the wall but he's done with it now. he uses his grip on finn to pull him back towards the bed, trying to maintain making out too but multitasking is hard so that part gets sloppier. w/e it's just for a minute.]
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Whatever, he doesn't know any better.
His mouth breaks from Poe's briefly as he doesn't step quite far enough to keep up, long enough for a dopey grin to spread across his face, his cheeks radiating warmth. He halfway falls onto the bed, his fingers grasping loosely at Poe's clothes, but at least he doesn't look nervous.
There should probably be a yet at the end of that.]
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he's not sure if the grasping at his clothes was an effort to remove said clothes or if he was trying to keep balance before falling onto the bed. GUESS HE'LL FIND OUT. he flops onto the bed, pulling finn down the rest of the way with him. they fall sideways, ftr. that was just how it happened. he kind loses track of what he was doing again. still in that zone of staring and stupid grinning at him. ]
You know ... it's like ... when you smile, it's like looking at five suns at once.
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And then they're laying next to each other and Poe is staring at him again like he's some magical creature and he doesn't know what to even do with that.
He huffs out a bit of laughter at Poe's declaration, his grin both amused and content.]
What does that even mean?
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they're good arms tho.the question makes him glance away, laughing. called out on his fuckery.]It just means it's a lot. But in a good way. Maybe it sounded better in my head.
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[What are compliments? How does one give or receive them?
The best compliment he's ever gotten was probably about his shooting accuracy.]
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[his hand makes its way back up in its general scoping out of finn, coming to rest against the curve of his neck. he will write a russian novel about all of finn's finer qualities.]
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[Kissing is 'stuff' now. So eloquent, Finn.]
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[A cop-out answer from someone who has no idea what he's even supposed to do.]
I'll just...follow your lead.
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[Suddenly embarrassed. Why this.]
So I guess I meant more that...you'll have to teach me.
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