[ The trouble with the question is that Rey can't decide if she doesn't want to answer it because she doesn't want to get into it or because she doesn't want to upset Ben. Ben, who left. Ben, who would rather watch her suffer the loss of all of her friends than trust her to know what she should and shouldn't tell them.
She buys herself a moment by adjusting her grip on his hand to hold it loosely for handholding purposes instead of for examination. ]
I was staying with Ben. [ She's too frayed to pay mind to the fact that she'd avoided naming him that to Poe, but — It does occur to her that the name feels wrong, after the fact. Intimate. ] Uh, Kylo. [ This she offers as a correction and as a clarification, like maybe Poe won't know who she means otherwise. She drops her head a little. ] I'm not anymore. Obviously.
[ he knows so little about the nature of what was going on between the two of them. like, okay, he's not stupid, it was not just training, but the room-sharing does get a tiny bit of an eyebrow raise. five percent of an eyebrow raise.
and of course he's going to wonder what happened and infer from that tiny little water droplet of a statement what actually happened between them, but he doesn't have the energy to pry that much or even feel an ounce of "aha i told you so" about kylo ren being ... kylo ren.
because he knew, at the very least, whatever she was doing was because she saw something in kylo worth saving (even if he disagreed). and that it must have hurt to have that blow up in her face in some way.
he squeezes her hand back a little bit. tenuous handholding is happening.]
[ She looks back up at his face, sees the eyebrow raise, and the chagrined sympathy. Somehow that surprises her — not the lack of 'I told you so,' but the leap straight to sympathy. No outrage. No hurt. Some part of her had expected that he'd be disgusted with her, but … maybe he'd known too. Just like Keith and Loki had, about the bond.
That makes the whole argument feel that much more absurd, honestly. Not her stance, but Kylo's. He's so caught up in trying to hold things close to the vest that he can't accept that the secret's out and everything's still fine. No one's dead or on fire.
She wants to punch him, but she knows it wouldn't help. She can't force him to see how he's hurting himself. All she can do is be here if he decides to see it for himself. ]
I shouldn't have pushed you and Keith away. I should have listened.
You didn't want to. Sometimes you wanna believe something so much, there's no room for anything else. I already knew it was like that last time we talked about it. [ a brief pause. ] I'm the same way.
[ and maybe he'd been the same way about thrawn. but, just like finn, it didn't matter now. he'd gotten that transfer message, too. in a way it was a relief. the source of contention gone, not having to throw himself in the middle of it. he didn't think he was wrong about thrawn — just like he was sure rey still believed she was right about kylo — but continuing to fight about it did nothing to help anyone.
there was a sadness to it, too. finn being gone was a maelstrom of emotions he didn't know what to do with. with thrawn it was just ... sad. they said their goodbyes, and that was it. it was done. ]
I seem to be better at blinding myself than most people.
[ That digs too deep. Telling him the essential information of what had happened with Kylo was not the same as talking about her parents the alcoholics who sold her for booze. Who she'd pathetically waited for ten years before Finn had dragged her off that planet.
Oh, Finn. It wasn't his first reassignment for her — the pain was less, this time — but it's still hard. He'd been one of the few things that had helped her see that she wasn't asking too much, that she was worth something, that she did deserve more from Kylo. ]
He was upset. [ She draws a deep breath. ] I hurt him. [ Poe understands that, right? He'd been so concerned for Thrawn's feelings. Surely he can see why she'd value and consider Kylo's. ] Last time that happened, he hurt Keith. So you should keep an eye out. If he tries anything, call me right away. I'll stop him.
[ yep, he's not trying to fight her on kylo ren having feelings. he clearly ... has them. somewhere. maladjustedly. the picture where he and rey are reflections of each other is coming into focus.
anyway, the truth bomb about keith makes him math lady face a little bit. keith had vaguely alluded to something happening with kylo ren but refused to say anything else about it. which was fine, they weren't best friends. but ... yep. that checks out. ]
Yeah, okay. [ that is a sincere "yeah, okay." a little reluctant because he doesn't like having to accept that he would have no power in that hypothetical situation, but he still accepts it in the end.
with this new information at his disposal and a mended bridge with rey, he decides to broach another topic of discussion. ]
I was talking to Scott about something. Well, not about something. About Kylo. Scott thinks I should have reported him from day one, when he tried to go back in my mind. He'd back me on it. I'm not gonna now, not for that. But if he tries something like you're saying? I will. You can't just keep giving him chances until somebody dies. You get that, right?
[ She says this with great struggle. Like, she definitely wasn't ready for Poe to go that hard, and then he did, and now she's wrestling with it. Baby steps are not the way of her life, though. She doesn't get to take time to get used to separating herself from him before dealing with this possibility. It might be tomorrow. It might be tonight. ]
But I hope I won't need to.
[ The larger part of her wants to believe that Kylo wouldn't do it after what had happened with Keith, how it had torn her apart. When he'd left, she hadn't felt anything like that, unlike that night in Hanabira with Keith. But …
Maybe it's the balance. Between her hope, and his cynicism. She knows that she has to be prepared for the possibility instead of ignoring it and thinking the best of him. ]
He knows I'll intervene now. I did that night, with Keith. It should be enough to dissuade him. If nothing else because he knows he can't beat me.
[ 'If nothing else.' If not because he cares about her enough to stop. That promise, the assurance that he would try to hold back his temper from that, was probably bunk now wasn't it? It's hard to know. ]
I don't think what he knows matters to him about stuff like that. I watched him yell at a horse. [ he'll never forget kylo ren throwing a temper tantrum at a horse. iconic. ]
I believe you, I trust you. Trusting Kylo Ren with logic is a different story. He loses his temper once, and, you know, that's it.
[ he's not blind to his own shortcomings. like, poe knows that he himself also has a temper and can do dumb irrational shit because of it. but, consider: he has never tried to murder anyone. ]
[ She says this with purpose and powerful certainty. It's not that she's saying she's positive and it definitely won't happen — but she feels the need to qualify her determination so that Poe doesn't just think she's been fucking off and risking everyone's lives for the D. ]
He never hurt me. Even when he could have, even when he was angry. [ Not like that, at least. Not physically. He'd certainly considered it. Tonight he'd considered it; she'd seen it in the way he moved. She thinks of that day by the ogre cave. Probably still the scariest moment of her life. At least top five. ] He's not the man he was.
[ poe purses his lips, takes a breath ... and just looks tired. he doesn't want to fight with rey. not right now, not about kylo ren. not on the heels of losing finn, not when he feels like they're finally in a good place with each other.
he's just tired. ]
He doesn't hurt you. You're special to him. I get it. And I'm glad. I'm glad he's ... making progress or whatever. [ poe dameron: as delicate as a blaster to the face. ] But I don't think it's right that you should have to throw yourself between him and everyone all the time. It's not right to you.
[ he takes a moment to bite at the inside of his cheek.]
Like ... okay, say you're working on a ship. Compressor's shot. You spend all this time trying to fix the compressor, you're not paying attention to the rest of it falling apart. End of everything, maybe the compressor works, but now you've got a bucket of bolts that can't leave the ground. That make sense?
[ She exhales, looking down at their hands, chagrined. ]
And you're right; it's not fair. And if he crosses that line, I'll understand if you report him. [ She'll understand, but she won't do it. She'll handle it herself. Because — ] But when it breaks down, you don't throw the ship out. You salvage it.
[ People aren't ships, though. Ships will lie there and let you fix them. But Kylo Ren gets a say in whether he gets fixed, whether anyone can get close enough to make those repairs, and he doesn't want it. She'll have to contend with him if she wants to help Ben Solo. ]
I'm only trying to say … [ The same thing she'd been saying from the beginning, really. ] I want us to be ready for the worst. But I still have hope. You can think I'm naive if you want — he does.
[ he joins her in looking down at their hands, and then back up at her. ]
I dunno. I'm not — I dunno how to say this. I think it's gonna come out wrong. I don't believe in Kylo Ren, but I believe in you. I think if anyone could turn him, it'd be you. But I don't wanna see you kill yourself trying to do it.
[ There's a fragile smile on her face, soft and understanding and a little chagrined. She's the one who's made him nervous about saying it the wrong way, who's been latching onto his words instead of what they mean. Who's been withholding the benefit of the doubt from him in order to pour it into Kylo Ren. She won't do it anymore. ]
That's why I'm not staying there anymore.
[ She knows. And she knows where her boundaries have to be. ]
And why I'm not trying to tell you that you shouldn't report him if it comes to that. But as long as there's conflict in him, I have to try. I have to hope. Because if there's really no chance, if it goes wrong, then that means ... that means it's really just me.
[ Alone. Like she'd always been. Of course, she has friends. But what she is, what Ben is, that's different. It's an experience that they can't really share with other people. Solidarity matters. It's worth something. And not just the Jedi thing — but that bone-deep isolation, the loss, the grief, the anger and hurt. ]
[ he can understand it. he understood it before, when he just thought they were "training." it meant something to have someone who understood you. (maybe that's why he let himself get so close to thrawn here. sure, it was a different side, but he still had the perspective of someone who had been entrenched in the war. not someone who had been pulled into it.) ]
I understand. I got it. That's why I'm not ... getting all mad and trying to stop you anymore, you know? I get it.
[ he kind of wants to leave it there. good talk, fam. so he shifts a little bit, glancing around the room. the roomba bumps into his foot. ]
If you wanna ... I can sleep on the floor. Or you can if you want. Or we can both sleep on the bed. It won't be weird or anything.
[ Rey glances between him and the bed. She's not going to get into The Details of how she's used to having someone else there now, and Poe's presence might actually help her sleep because the ambient sounds and the warmth of another person. He doesn't need that. There's an appropriate level of sharing, and then there's oversharing, and that's definitely oversharing. Especially about his nemesis. (They're nemeses now.) ]
I mean, you don't have to sleep on the floor. I'd like the company.
[ That's probably delicate enough. She holds his gaze then, for a moment, before she starts to pull off her boots like alright that's enough talking and crying. Bed time. She starts to pull her hair out, glances at the fresher, then — ]
[ that feel when you feel the same way about having another person around but you didn't want to make a big deal about it 👀 that feel when you're actually the same sad needy person.
he just nods. trying not to be too extra about the whole thing. and then — ]
Uh, no. [ weird question?? but then, he probably hasn't had sleepovers with people with long enough hair to ... beg that question ... ] I guess not. If you wanna hit the 'fresher or whatever, that's fine.
[ She nods and gets off the bed, pulling her arm warmers off. One of them reveals the slice left by Gram, un-bandaged still. She drops them atop her bag. ]
I think I will.
[ Shower all of this gross crying feeling off. It could also be read as trying to shower off all that Ben Solo, which might not be an incorrect interpretation on its own. She needs a fresh start. This will suffice. She heads into the refresher and shuts the door behind her. ]
[ he glances at the wound, frowning a little out of concern. ]
If you need a bandage for that, I can get a droid.
[ that's as much as he'll push it. a lot of things still seem like walking on thin ice when it comes to rey. this is one of them.
when the door is shut, he tries to make himself comfortable on the bed. rolls around a little bit. tries to be delicate about his hands while doing so. there's no one true comfortable position, though, so he settles for trying to keep most of his body on one side of the bed. fiddling with his magitek. (it's a dogtag-type thing he strung on the necklace that he wears his mother's ring on. now u know.) what's he doing? what's he looking at? none ya business. maybe he's playing snake. (he's not playing snake.) ]
[ To her credit, Rey does not cry in the shower. In fact, it serves its intended purpose to afford her some clarity and distance from the situation. She affirms that though she has hope (and good reason to hope) that this isn't the end, she has to be willing to let it be if Kylo disappoints those hopes.
She'd promised she wouldn't turn her back on him, and she won't. But she will hold the line. He knows what it will take for them to find some middle ground.
So that's where she's at when she gets back out of the refresher, hair towel dried (poorly) and wearing underwear and her tank top. Poe can take comfort in the fact that she's never shaved her legs in her life so it's almost like sleeping with a dude. She feels good about her choices and optimistic and it's almost like this whole Gram process was exactly what she needed to feel more like herself and like she can breathe again. ]
D'you need a minute?
[ She looks pointedly at his magitek like is this a private conversation ?? A paranoid thought lights in her mind about whether he's telling someone she's here or if he's telling someone everything she just told him, but that's not only stupid but narcissistic. She recognizes the Kylo Ren Thought Process now. It's probably nothing to do with her. ]
[ you're right rey, that's pretty narcissistic. have u not heard of people reading old messages from bae after the breakup when they're sad. (realistically the bae is probably thrawn in this scenario. he and finn weren't much of the messaging type.) but he was distracted enough that he's caught off-guard when rey comes back out and asks the question. he lets go of the magitek. ]
No. I'm fine. I was just looking at some stuff. [ and sounding kind of embarrassed about it. like when your mom catches you with smut magazines. just kidding his mom died when he was nine; that's not something he's lived through. ]
It's fine. You can get in bed.
[ like she's a vampire who needs an invitation ... ]
[ NO SHE NEVER HEARD OF THAT ON JAKKU. Give her a break.
She climbs onto the bed with him. Oddly, the invitation seems to work. She's obviously too used to exercising caution with Kylo's generous boundaries. At least Poe's clear declaration makes her feel more comfortable, to that end. She takes the unoccupied side without complaint, even though it's opposite the side she usually slept on.
Even though it's Ben's side.
She settles her head down on the pillow and peers up at him, trying to find a healthy balance between giving him space and drifting towards the middle of the bed to siphon away his body heat like a vampire. Lots of vampire similes going on here. ]
[ Oh, they're facing each other. He wasn't expecting that, but it is better than the option where she's facing away and he gets a face full of wet hair.]
Messages. I was thinking. It's just hard, you know, having stuff end bad and not being able to fix it. The whole reason I'm here is to fix things at home, you know? I don't like giving up.
[ Where she's nervous to get too close, he takes the initiative. He's hesitant about it, but he still reaches out, touching her upper arm with his sad bandaged hand. Another invitation, this time for her to come closer.]
[ Rey knows that she can't make Poe feel that way. She certainly hadn't felt that way after everyone had transferred. She'd felt alone, isolated, adrift. That had been where her codependency on Keith had started, really. Kylo and Finn left together, along with Anakin and any chance she had of guidance on the ways of the Jedi. It made Kylo's offer look pretty good once it was lost, and it made her weep for the loss of Finn.
But they'd come back. She'd hoped they would, and they both had. Eventually. Poe didn't have that experience to help steady him. She shifted closer to him. Only when she's against his chest, enfolded in his arms, does she recognize that this could be an effort on her part or his to replace the intimacy that she had given up and he'd lost.
Poe's scent is wrong. His build, too. He doesn't make her feel as … surrounded. As safe. But he's steady and solid and she leans into that. It's good that it's different. Friendly, familial, instead of something else that would leave her feeling cheap and dirty. She doesn't feel the same urge to melt against him, to close her mouth over his, to hitch her leg around him and roll onto him and —
She smothers those thoughts. They have no place in the space between her and Poe. They have no place in her mind at all, anymore. Not with Kylo in that spot. ]
[ just "seeing each other" wasn't the same as being able to talk and reconcile something that he may not actually be able to reconcile. but he doesn't actually want to talk about it that much. that was not what he signed up for here. what did he sign up for here? he doesn't really know. maybe just feeling the warmth of another person to escape the crushing loneliness.
she's not exactly what he's used to either. she's smaller. more slight. not delicate, but. different. different enough to not feel like he was using her for something more than base need. ]
Maybe.
[ the word comes out as a sigh as he relents. lets the tension drain out of him. just for a minute. ]
[ She draws a deep breath, taking her time with it, shifting to try to get comfortable. She keeps her arms curled protectively to her chest instead of fully and properly wrapped around Poe, but there's warmth to be found here. ]
I know it doesn't look like it now, but things are going to be alright. I believe that.
[ Maybe not the way they expect them to be, but they'll recover from this. This, and everything else. She pats his chest gently. ]
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She buys herself a moment by adjusting her grip on his hand to hold it loosely for handholding purposes instead of for examination. ]
I was staying with Ben. [ She's too frayed to pay mind to the fact that she'd avoided naming him that to Poe, but — It does occur to her that the name feels wrong, after the fact. Intimate. ] Uh, Kylo. [ This she offers as a correction and as a clarification, like maybe Poe won't know who she means otherwise. She drops her head a little. ] I'm not anymore. Obviously.
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and of course he's going to wonder what happened and infer from that tiny little water droplet of a statement what actually happened between them, but he doesn't have the energy to pry that much or even feel an ounce of "aha i told you so" about kylo ren being ... kylo ren.
because he knew, at the very least, whatever she was doing was because she saw something in kylo worth saving (even if he disagreed). and that it must have hurt to have that blow up in her face in some way.
he squeezes her hand back a little bit. tenuous handholding is happening.]
I'm sorry.
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[ She looks back up at his face, sees the eyebrow raise, and the chagrined sympathy. Somehow that surprises her — not the lack of 'I told you so,' but the leap straight to sympathy. No outrage. No hurt. Some part of her had expected that he'd be disgusted with her, but … maybe he'd known too. Just like Keith and Loki had, about the bond.
That makes the whole argument feel that much more absurd, honestly. Not her stance, but Kylo's. He's so caught up in trying to hold things close to the vest that he can't accept that the secret's out and everything's still fine. No one's dead or on fire.
She wants to punch him, but she knows it wouldn't help. She can't force him to see how he's hurting himself. All she can do is be here if he decides to see it for himself. ]
I shouldn't have pushed you and Keith away. I should have listened.
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[ and maybe he'd been the same way about thrawn. but, just like finn, it didn't matter now. he'd gotten that transfer message, too. in a way it was a relief. the source of contention gone, not having to throw himself in the middle of it. he didn't think he was wrong about thrawn — just like he was sure rey still believed she was right about kylo — but continuing to fight about it did nothing to help anyone.
there was a sadness to it, too. finn being gone was a maelstrom of emotions he didn't know what to do with. with thrawn it was just ... sad. they said their goodbyes, and that was it. it was done. ]
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[ That digs too deep. Telling him the essential information of what had happened with Kylo was not the same as talking about her parents the alcoholics who sold her for booze. Who she'd pathetically waited for ten years before Finn had dragged her off that planet.
Oh, Finn. It wasn't his first reassignment for her — the pain was less, this time — but it's still hard. He'd been one of the few things that had helped her see that she wasn't asking too much, that she was worth something, that she did deserve more from Kylo. ]
He was upset. [ She draws a deep breath. ] I hurt him. [ Poe understands that, right? He'd been so concerned for Thrawn's feelings. Surely he can see why she'd value and consider Kylo's. ] Last time that happened, he hurt Keith. So you should keep an eye out. If he tries anything, call me right away. I'll stop him.
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anyway, the truth bomb about keith makes him math lady face a little bit. keith had vaguely alluded to something happening with kylo ren but refused to say anything else about it. which was fine, they weren't best friends. but ... yep. that checks out. ]
Yeah, okay. [ that is a sincere "yeah, okay." a little reluctant because he doesn't like having to accept that he would have no power in that hypothetical situation, but he still accepts it in the end.
with this new information at his disposal and a mended bridge with rey, he decides to broach another topic of discussion. ]
I was talking to Scott about something. Well, not about something. About Kylo. Scott thinks I should have reported him from day one, when he tried to go back in my mind. He'd back me on it. I'm not gonna now, not for that. But if he tries something like you're saying? I will. You can't just keep giving him chances until somebody dies. You get that, right?
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[ She says this with great struggle. Like, she definitely wasn't ready for Poe to go that hard, and then he did, and now she's wrestling with it. Baby steps are not the way of her life, though. She doesn't get to take time to get used to separating herself from him before dealing with this possibility. It might be tomorrow. It might be tonight. ]
But I hope I won't need to.
[ The larger part of her wants to believe that Kylo wouldn't do it after what had happened with Keith, how it had torn her apart. When he'd left, she hadn't felt anything like that, unlike that night in Hanabira with Keith. But …
Maybe it's the balance. Between her hope, and his cynicism. She knows that she has to be prepared for the possibility instead of ignoring it and thinking the best of him. ]
He knows I'll intervene now. I did that night, with Keith. It should be enough to dissuade him. If nothing else because he knows he can't beat me.
[ 'If nothing else.' If not because he cares about her enough to stop. That promise, the assurance that he would try to hold back his temper from that, was probably bunk now wasn't it? It's hard to know. ]
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I believe you, I trust you. Trusting Kylo Ren with logic is a different story. He loses his temper once, and, you know, that's it.
[ he's not blind to his own shortcomings. like, poe knows that he himself also has a temper and can do dumb irrational shit because of it. but, consider: he has never tried to murder anyone. ]
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[ She says this with purpose and powerful certainty. It's not that she's saying she's positive and it definitely won't happen — but she feels the need to qualify her determination so that Poe doesn't just think she's been fucking off and risking everyone's lives for the D. ]
He never hurt me. Even when he could have, even when he was angry. [ Not like that, at least. Not physically. He'd certainly considered it. Tonight he'd considered it; she'd seen it in the way he moved. She thinks of that day by the ogre cave. Probably still the scariest moment of her life. At least top five. ] He's not the man he was.
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he's just tired. ]
He doesn't hurt you. You're special to him. I get it. And I'm glad. I'm glad he's ... making progress or whatever. [ poe dameron: as delicate as a blaster to the face. ] But I don't think it's right that you should have to throw yourself between him and everyone all the time. It's not right to you.
[ he takes a moment to bite at the inside of his cheek.]
Like ... okay, say you're working on a ship. Compressor's shot. You spend all this time trying to fix the compressor, you're not paying attention to the rest of it falling apart. End of everything, maybe the compressor works, but now you've got a bucket of bolts that can't leave the ground. That make sense?
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[ She exhales, looking down at their hands, chagrined. ]
And you're right; it's not fair. And if he crosses that line, I'll understand if you report him. [ She'll understand, but she won't do it. She'll handle it herself. Because — ] But when it breaks down, you don't throw the ship out. You salvage it.
[ People aren't ships, though. Ships will lie there and let you fix them. But Kylo Ren gets a say in whether he gets fixed, whether anyone can get close enough to make those repairs, and he doesn't want it. She'll have to contend with him if she wants to help Ben Solo. ]
I'm only trying to say … [ The same thing she'd been saying from the beginning, really. ] I want us to be ready for the worst. But I still have hope. You can think I'm naive if you want — he does.
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I dunno. I'm not — I dunno how to say this. I think it's gonna come out wrong. I don't believe in Kylo Ren, but I believe in you. I think if anyone could turn him, it'd be you. But I don't wanna see you kill yourself trying to do it.
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That's why I'm not staying there anymore.
[ She knows. And she knows where her boundaries have to be. ]
And why I'm not trying to tell you that you shouldn't report him if it comes to that. But as long as there's conflict in him, I have to try. I have to hope. Because if there's really no chance, if it goes wrong, then that means ... that means it's really just me.
[ Alone. Like she'd always been. Of course, she has friends. But what she is, what Ben is, that's different. It's an experience that they can't really share with other people. Solidarity matters. It's worth something. And not just the Jedi thing — but that bone-deep isolation, the loss, the grief, the anger and hurt. ]
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I understand. I got it. That's why I'm not ... getting all mad and trying to stop you anymore, you know? I get it.
[ he kind of wants to leave it there. good talk, fam. so he shifts a little bit, glancing around the room. the roomba bumps into his foot. ]
If you wanna ... I can sleep on the floor. Or you can if you want. Or we can both sleep on the bed. It won't be weird or anything.
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[ Rey glances between him and the bed. She's not going to get into The Details of how she's used to having someone else there now, and Poe's presence might actually help her sleep because the ambient sounds and the warmth of another person. He doesn't need that. There's an appropriate level of sharing, and then there's oversharing, and that's definitely oversharing. Especially about his nemesis. (They're nemeses now.) ]
I mean, you don't have to sleep on the floor. I'd like the company.
[ That's probably delicate enough. She holds his gaze then, for a moment, before she starts to pull off her boots like alright that's enough talking and crying. Bed time. She starts to pull her hair out, glances at the fresher, then — ]
… Will it bother you if my hair's wet?
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he just nods. trying not to be too extra about the whole thing. and then — ]
Uh, no. [ weird question?? but then, he probably hasn't had sleepovers with people with long enough hair to ... beg that question ... ] I guess not. If you wanna hit the 'fresher or whatever, that's fine.
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I think I will.
[ Shower all of this gross crying feeling off. It could also be read as trying to shower off all that Ben Solo, which might not be an incorrect interpretation on its own. She needs a fresh start. This will suffice. She heads into the refresher and shuts the door behind her. ]
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If you need a bandage for that, I can get a droid.
[ that's as much as he'll push it. a lot of things still seem like walking on thin ice when it comes to rey. this is one of them.
when the door is shut, he tries to make himself comfortable on the bed. rolls around a little bit. tries to be delicate about his hands while doing so. there's no one true comfortable position, though, so he settles for trying to keep most of his body on one side of the bed. fiddling with his magitek. (it's a dogtag-type thing he strung on the necklace that he wears his mother's ring on. now u know.) what's he doing? what's he looking at? none ya business. maybe he's playing snake. (he's not playing snake.) ]
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She'd promised she wouldn't turn her back on him, and she won't. But she will hold the line. He knows what it will take for them to find some middle ground.
So that's where she's at when she gets back out of the refresher, hair towel dried (poorly) and wearing underwear and her tank top. Poe can take comfort in the fact that she's never shaved her legs in her life so it's almost like sleeping with a dude. She feels good about her choices and optimistic and it's almost like this whole Gram process was exactly what she needed to feel more like herself and like she can breathe again. ]
D'you need a minute?
[ She looks pointedly at his magitek like is this a private conversation ?? A paranoid thought lights in her mind about whether he's telling someone she's here or if he's telling someone everything she just told him, but that's not only stupid but narcissistic. She recognizes the Kylo Ren Thought Process now. It's probably nothing to do with her. ]
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No. I'm fine. I was just looking at some stuff. [ and sounding kind of embarrassed about it. like when your mom catches you with smut magazines. just kidding his mom died when he was nine; that's not something he's lived through. ]
It's fine. You can get in bed.
[ like she's a vampire who needs an invitation ... ]
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She climbs onto the bed with him. Oddly, the invitation seems to work. She's obviously too used to exercising caution with Kylo's generous boundaries. At least Poe's clear declaration makes her feel more comfortable, to that end. She takes the unoccupied side without complaint, even though it's opposite the side she usually slept on.
Even though it's Ben's side.
She settles her head down on the pillow and peers up at him, trying to find a healthy balance between giving him space and drifting towards the middle of the bed to siphon away his body heat like a vampire. Lots of vampire similes going on here. ]
What stuff?
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Messages. I was thinking. It's just hard, you know, having stuff end bad and not being able to fix it. The whole reason I'm here is to fix things at home, you know? I don't like giving up.
[ Where she's nervous to get too close, he takes the initiative. He's hesitant about it, but he still reaches out, touching her upper arm with his sad bandaged hand. Another invitation, this time for her to come closer.]
Is this okay?
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[ Rey knows that she can't make Poe feel that way. She certainly hadn't felt that way after everyone had transferred. She'd felt alone, isolated, adrift. That had been where her codependency on Keith had started, really. Kylo and Finn left together, along with Anakin and any chance she had of guidance on the ways of the Jedi. It made Kylo's offer look pretty good once it was lost, and it made her weep for the loss of Finn.
But they'd come back. She'd hoped they would, and they both had. Eventually. Poe didn't have that experience to help steady him. She shifted closer to him. Only when she's against his chest, enfolded in his arms, does she recognize that this could be an effort on her part or his to replace the intimacy that she had given up and he'd lost.
Poe's scent is wrong. His build, too. He doesn't make her feel as … surrounded. As safe. But he's steady and solid and she leans into that. It's good that it's different. Friendly, familial, instead of something else that would leave her feeling cheap and dirty. She doesn't feel the same urge to melt against him, to close her mouth over his, to hitch her leg around him and roll onto him and —
She smothers those thoughts. They have no place in the space between her and Poe. They have no place in her mind at all, anymore. Not with Kylo in that spot. ]
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she's not exactly what he's used to either. she's smaller. more slight. not delicate, but. different. different enough to not feel like he was using her for something more than base need. ]
Maybe.
[ the word comes out as a sigh as he relents. lets the tension drain out of him. just for a minute. ]
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I know it doesn't look like it now, but things are going to be alright. I believe that.
[ Maybe not the way they expect them to be, but they'll recover from this. This, and everything else. She pats his chest gently. ]
Try to sleep.
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