[ Trying so hard to be calm. So hard. She didn't want it to be a stranger for a fucking clinical study. She wanted it to be with someone she felt close to. She wanted it to be Ben. She's not going to fuckiNG CRY about this right now. No. She's going to suck it up and survive. ]
[ it's not as much of a Thing as it is to her but, you know. he didn't know what he was getting into here, either. he wasn't like hell yeah i'm gonna bang disease out of the galaxy. there's a lot to unpack here. ]
[ she bites down on a whole lot of various feelings at that point. she doesn't want to spew them all over him because (a) it sounds self-pitying and (b) it doesn't change that, yes, he is upset too and that is valid. but she just keeps cycling between 'i managed to get off of jakku without doing this' and 'i had just barely gotten close to someone for the first time in my life and now i'm losing my choice to this.' ]
yeah, would've been nice to know a little more about what we were getting into. bet that's how they snag so many people. you know, being real vague about it.
Maybe girl stuff. I don't know what I don't know. Does that make sense?
[ it feels insufficient. ]
I didn't even bleed until I joined ALASTAIR, you know. I didn't know it was supposed to be regular. The doctors in Oska said it was because of my diet.
[ is that tmi? he did say not to ask him girl stuff. she's doing it anyway. ]
i've just never liked one that much. not enough to get close like that
you get it, right? it's not like you wanna be forced into something you don't know anything about and then you feel like bantha shit right off the bat because you didn't do it right.
[ welcome to the brave new world of hearing about rey's masturbatory habits. actually this is adding up. help. ]
Does it usually take men a while? Is it difficult?
[ ben had needed to restart the shower after the water automatically shut off that night. maybe /? ? ? it's difficult or time consuming ? ?? maybe that was why he hadn't just taken care of it while she was in the bathroom because he knew it'd be a while. ]
that's different. like, you're you, right? you know what you like. if you were doing something and you didn't like it, you just wouldn't do it. you wouldn't act like you like it to make yourself feel better.
it's not difficult but it's messy. stuff gets everywhere.
[maybe he can't do this with rey because it feels like giving the sex talk to his little sister. ]
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[ Trying so hard to be calm. So hard. She didn't want it to be a stranger for a fucking clinical study. She wanted it to be with someone she felt close to. She wanted it to be Ben. She's not going to fuckiNG CRY about this right now. No. She's going to suck it up and survive. ]
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[ it's not as much of a Thing as it is to her but, you know. he didn't know what he was getting into here, either. he wasn't like hell yeah i'm gonna bang disease out of the galaxy. there's a lot to unpack here. ]
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I know.
I'm sorry. I'm just afraid.
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look, it's like i said. we're in this together. we'll figure it out. we're gonna get through it. okay?
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There are things I would have asked Hayame. But I can't now. She's not here.
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you can ask me? unless it's girl stuff
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[ it feels insufficient. ]
I didn't even bleed until I joined ALASTAIR, you know. I didn't know it was supposed to be regular. The doctors in Oska said it was because of my diet.
[ is that tmi? he did say not to ask him girl stuff. she's doing it anyway. ]
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poe: whatever I AM THE MOST SUPPORTIVE FRIEND DAMN IT ]
oh. uh. is that bad? that's bad, right? so you're better now? that's a good thing.
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But that's what I mean. I feel like I missed out on knowing how to feel about things like that.
[ Then, after a considerable delay. Yeah no she can't bottle this up anymore. Welcome to Kylo Ren Sexual Trauma Hour. ]
What if no one wants me? Will they get rid of me?
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[ poe dameron: smoothest man in the galaxy. (smoother than kylo ren anyway) ]
i'd want you.
[ he doesn't know how to say "i'll bone you if nobody else will!!" without sounding like a jerk, but he tried his best. ]
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it's not like i don't like women
i've just never liked one that much. not enough to get close like that
you get it, right? it's not like you wanna be forced into something you don't know anything about and then you feel like bantha shit right off the bat because you didn't do it right.
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I didn't figure it would be that complicated. Is it complicated with other men? Can you really do it wrong?
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I DON'T KNOW
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[ welcome to the brave new world of hearing about rey's masturbatory habits. actually this is adding up. help. ]
Does it usually take men a while? Is it difficult?
[ ben had needed to restart the shower after the water automatically shut off that night. maybe /? ? ? it's difficult or time consuming ? ?? maybe that was why he hadn't just taken care of it while she was in the bathroom because he knew it'd be a while. ]
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it's not difficult but it's messy. stuff gets everywhere.
[maybe he can't do this with rey because it feels like giving the sex talk to his little sister. ]
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[ just. on the record. ]
Do people do that?
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[ like ??? them???? right now???? ]
i don't do that though
[ are you sure poe elizabeth dameron. are you sure that isn't what happened on hanabira. ]
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i hated it
let me know how that works for you
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Does this happen often ???
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probably won't matter either way here, though. how is it gonna work? is it just our roommates? do we get to pick? are they gonna assign us partners?
this wasn't in the pamphlet, was it
because i didn't read it
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