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[followhim]

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WISH LIST

★ my dark au kink:
+ being captured by the first order and subjected to reconditioning
+ trying to turn him back with the power of gay love and friendship (and possibly failing)
+ he was always a first order tie fighter pilot instead of winter soldiered
+ poe and finn first order murder squad (dynamics if they were both stormtroopers? running away together?)
+ ^ part b: the fam that gets captured and reconditioned together… stays…together…
+ Interesting Dynamics with kylo and hux from dark aus


★ finn stuff
+ what will they do after the war? romantic vacations? homesteading? sending finn's spit to space 23andme?
+ infinite escape reimagining/aus, stormpilot escape room reigning champions

★ rey stuff
+ relationship of convenience because they're both In Denial
+ sith princess rey aus where he tries to save her and/or she turns him

★ kylo stuff
+ infinite interrogating/torture room reimagining/aus
+ ^ part b: stockholm syndrome?
+ We Need to Talk about Leia


★ general
+ honestly anything regarding leia (esp processing grief post-tros)
+ talking about his sketchy spice runner past (possibly playing things taking place during that time in his life?)
+ ^ same for things taking place during academy/new republic tbh
+ i love aus. modern aus, vampire aus, a/b/o aus, let's au the entire world
+ i prefer m/m for poe but am good with most ships

kinks if ya nasty

Comments

[followhim]

[ he looks like a vaguely flustered mess. the outside matches the inside. ]

What, now? He's probably still asleep ...

[ POE ELIZABETH DAMERON ???? ]

[forcevisions]

No. Not now. [ what the hell. ] And not around class time either.

[followhim]

When should I do it, then? You gotta help me plan this whole thing out.

[ he finally gets to their dorm, but doesn't make any actions to get out of the car. like, we're gonna draw up a game plan before we're going anywhere else. ]

[followhim]

[ he's happy to hear the resistance got away, even if you wouldn't know it from his sour face. it's a strictly internal emotion he's feeling. it's nice to be thrown a bone during his prison sentence to hell.

he directs his attention from her to the supremacy on display through the window, jaw set. it's impressive and he knows it. before anything else, he's a pilot. he could appreciate how smooth the tie fighter flew, how responsive it was, even though it was enemy property. that part of him was curious about the supremacy's specs.

the rest of him, though. the rest of him didn't want to give kylo ren the satisfaction of even vague passing interest. ]

I can fly anything. But you're right, it's outside my usual wheelhouse.

[ there's something else on the tip of his tongue, and it comes out before he can stop himself. ]

Glad we could put a dent in it for you.

[forcevisions]

I've got — What?

[ good lord. ]

You heard the part about how I'd never kissed anyone, right?

[umbraeternam]

[ She purses her lips, not quite able to keep back a small smirk. He might be trying to keep a tight lid on what he was thinking and feeling, but that in and of itself gave her a hint toward his opinion. That, and his always-present confidence when it came to flying, placed an amusing thought in her head. ]

You know what, I may just take you to the bridge and let you have a look at things, just to see how much of a fit Hux would throw. Not now though. You're yet too... [ Kylo hums a thoughtful noise, making an idle gesture (that for once is simply a gesture) at him. ] ...rebellious. Untrained.

[ If he thought that little remark was going to bother her, he would be disappointed. She merely shrugs a shoulder, casting a glance back over at the ship. ]

Oh, it's an annoyance to be sure. But you should be glad. Needing to repair the flagship has kept most resources and focus here, and not out scouring the galaxy for the Resistance. The delays here will benefit your friends, and Leia.

[ Kylo's gaze returns to Poe, her body language still calm and relaxed. Now that she's had a little time to sit with the knowledge her mother is alive she's been able to settle her emotions to an extent, at least in relation to those that were so on display in the interrogation room. She was able to put aside and put away grief, and the sorrow that had accompanied it. In a way, the news has improved her overall temperament, not that Poe currently had much point of reference when it came to her moods. ] I can see why she would be fond of you. There's some elements of Han in you. You've more loyalty though, that's for certain. And you know how to follow orders, you just don't always choose to. That's a far cry better than only caring about yourself. [ Something her father was obnoxiously good at in her opinion. ]

[followhim]

I know, but I feel like you're better at this stuff than I am. I can tell. You've got intuition.

[forcevisions]

You mean common sense?

[ Just saying. ]

Make a time for the two of you to see each other outside of class. Invite him to something. Tell him there. If it's before or after class or something, he'll just think you're being a creep and trying to trade sex for grades.

[followhim]

[ to be fair, he actually needed that much. he was ready to do the thing before, after, or possibly even during class. just drop down to one knee and do a promposal in front of his entire intro section. ]

Yeah! Yeah. Okay, yeah. I got it. I'll figure the rest out. Thanks Rey, you're the best.

[ deciding that's an acceptable enough "game plan", he moves to exit the car. ]

[forcevisions]

[ Did she say the right thing or was his bar really low? A question for the ages. ]

Yeah. No problem.

[ She climbs out of his car too, I guess. Then she's getting out her key and her ID. ]

If Finn's awake when we go in, don't say anything weird to him. [ A beat. ] I mean about your feelings or about what happened with Hux.

[followhim]

I wasn't gonna say anything! About either.

[ he looks huffy. HOW DUMB DO YOU THINK HE IS. (don't answer that.)

but whatever. now is the time to yeet for his dreams. ]

Is it gonna be weird now if I ask to crash with you guys? It's late ...

[followhim]

[ he is currently running the whole gamut of emotions. every single thing that kylo said to him, he now has to process. and it's a wild ride.

1. he wants to see the bridge. he's mad at himself for wanting to see the bridge, but he still wants to see it. aggravating hux would be a bonus.

2. "yet too rebellious." yet. untrained. he didn't like the implication that allowed. that she was going to train him into obeying her. break him down somehow. he already knew that she could, if she wanted to. she could right now. but apparently she'd rather make some kind of game out of it.

3. maybe she's right. maybe he should be glad. at least holdo's sacrifice wasn't for nothing. she bought them time before, and was continuing to do so now.

4. normally, under different circumstances, he'd be pleased with the comparison to han solo. he grew up on stories of how brave han was, all the things he did with his father. sure, spending more time with leia had knocked him askew on the pedestal, but not completely off. however, that comparison coming out of kylo ren's mouth … it twisted it somehow. like most of the "compliments" she paid him.

how does he respond to any of that? his expression stays the same, the same stony outer shell barely containing all the anger underneath. don't focus on han solo (whom she killed). don't focus on the resistance (killing in progress). keep the scope narrow. ]

Sounds like you got me pegged. Since you know me so well, you oughta know you're never gonna be able to train me to do anything for you.

[ not without him dramatically fighting tooth and nail the entire time. ]

[umbraeternam]

By the time I'm through I'll know you better than you know yourself.

[ It's a warm promise, said casually and without malice. What need had she for that emotion anymore when it came to him? Malice was best reserved for those she intended to destroy and send to their death. She has far grander plans in mind for Poe.

Kylo closes her eyes a moment as she senses the anger leaking from him, only a drip compared to what he truly feels, she's sure. From others he could better hide it but her training had been bathed in pain and anger and agony and fear. It remains, admittedly, one of the emotions she's most prone to. Just because she could control it better didn't mean she felt it any less.

And, as some liked to say, anger was an easy path to the dark side.

Her eyes open to rest squarely on Poe and she lifts a hand from her arm to crook one finger in a beckoning motion, sending out a small bit of her power through the Force to do her bidding. That power will lightly pull at him, seeking to draw him toward her. ]

You like to hide what you're truly feeling, don't you? Always keeping that armor up as long as you can. I understand. I also understand how exhausting it is. Eventually we all must lay down our armor to rest, even people like you and I. [ It certainly will be curious, to see how he is when he isn't so determined to fight her and hide things from her. Truthfully she yet debated how much would be necessary to change, what she wanted to keep and what would only get in the way. ]

Would you like to know why you're here, Poe? Why you're not already dead or in the midst of some other terrible and painful fate?

[forcevisions]

[ Rey looks over at him, surprised by that. Then she pulls out her phone and checks and — well, yeah. It's pretty late, after all. ]

Sure. Though, I should warn you … Finn's going to be up in like four hours. He likes to run before class.

[followhim]

[ he didn't want to move closer to her. at least. he thought he didn't, but some small part of him was saying to do it. he's standing in front of her before he can fully process what just happened.

and he hadn't thought of it that way. he considered himself reasonably forthright with his thoughts and feelings. but ... that wasn't completely true after all, was it? there was a lot he shoved down, knowing it would be inappropriate for a leader to express. a lot he would rather deal with on his own, for that same purpose. but he wasn't a leader now, was he? wasn't anything.

no. he can still do it. guards up. defenses up, any fear or uncertainty shoved aside. ]

It'd be nice to know, yeah.

[followhim]

That's okay. It takes a lot to wake me up.

[ it does not. but it's fine. and, anyway-- ]

I probably should wake up early anyway. In case BB needs to go for a walk.

wherein kylo monologues bc apparently that's what i write at work -.-

[umbraeternam]

[ Kylo refrains from a smirk or grin, not interested in provoking a fight out of him at the moment. They were having a pleasant conversation -- well, pleasant for her at least. ]

I would be lying if I said I wasn't interested in the information you carry in that pretty head of yours, but that's merely a perk. I didn't spend weeks tracking you down to find the Resistance.

[ Does that surprise him? To know the value she places is on him alone and not his proximity to the heart of the Resistance? From her glimpses inside his mind Kylo can't help but think he views himself a little too much as merely an extension of the Resistance. Thinking like that is for minions; simple soldiers and troopers. She doesn't know when he became her pet project, but perhaps it was an eventuality. Kylo offered Rey the world -- literally -- and was turned down. Practically had it spit in her face, really, with the scavenger making off with her family lightsaber. Again. She couldn't make Rey do what she wanted... but Poe was an entirely different story. ]

As I told you before, the First Order's interests are not my own. Snoke wanted to bring the galaxy to heel, destroying and obliterating at will, and he created the First Order to suit that intent. I'm more interested in uniting the galaxy under a single banner, in building upon what my grandfather and the Empire started. But as you know, a leader can't do it all themselves. The First Order is an extremely useful tool but with Hux at the helm I can only place so much trust in them. Unfortunately, he is yet too useful to kill.

That is where my Knights come in. I'm sure you've been curious as to their presence. Snoke created the Knights of Ren before I walked among them, before I came to lead them, but they are loyal to me and me alone.

Just as you will be.

[ She lets that hang in the air a moment, watching Poe as she pushes away from the glass and steps into the space between them. One of her gloved hands comes up to touch his face and it's almost affectionate. ] You will be my best Knight, I can see it in you. Even though you cannot wield the Force like most of them there is a strength and power within you. Your full potential just waiting to be unlocked. All you need is the right guiding hand. [ Which, naturally, was hers. ]

it's all good i love it

[followhim]

[ he actually recoils, takes a step away as soon as the big reveal leaves her mouth. just as you will be. no. no no no. his head is all sirens and alarms. panic claws up his throat. he can feel his pulse in his ears while he works it over. it wasn't about the resistance. it was about him. she wanted him specifically. so that she could mold him into something outside of his control. no amount of fighting — mental or physical — could protect him from the force.

(all of this was really starting to sour his positive opinion of the force.)

her touch is all false sweetness. he doesn't want it. it's his reflex to jerk his head away. ]

You're not guiding me anywhere. I'm not gonna serve you. I'm not.

[ again, he knows it's not true, but he's not going to be like "ah yes, i accept you using the force to make me do whatever you want me to do." at least he still has the ability to protest. he'd rather die, but he's sure kylo already knows that by now.

it's at that point when he realizes he still has one weapon at his disposal — the ability to strike a nerve. ]

It's — this is because of Rey, isn't it?

[ she hadn't sat down the entire resistance and told them every last detail of her adventure on the supremacy (or about the force bond, even), but he knew enough. had enough of a vague idea to turn that vague idea into a weapon. ]

She wouldn't — she wanted you to turn and you wouldn't, and now you're doing this as some kind of thing to get back at her. Don't put me in the middle of your issues.

i'm almost afraid for him. she won't kill him but that's almost more reason to worry lol

[umbraeternam]

[ She feels it -- that wave of panic when it hits him, fills the air around him like a cloying purfume. It doesn't shift her expression or her own energy in the slightest. The reaction is somewhat natural and she lets him have it for now.

When he jerks away the temptation is strong to make him look at her, to catch his jaw or wind her fingers in his hair, but she drops her hand instead. There would be plenty of time for that later. ]

Denying the truth will not change it. Trust, I have been in a similar place before. You will learn as I did. Although likely with less pain.

[ As he brings up Rey her eyes narrow just slightly. Yes, the girl remains a bit of a sore spot for Kylo, but that doesn't mean it would change anything.

It also doesn't change her opinion of how he views himself. Again connecting his value solely to others. She can't place why it bothers her but it does. (It's probably a Brianna thing. She's taken to writing off such 'quirks' as belonging to the other part of her.) ]

Why would this have anything to do with her? If I wanted to strike at her I could do so directly. She's proven that she's not worth my effort.

👀

[followhim]

[ it wasn't playing down his own value (although he did place himself secondary to the resistance) so much as he really hated the idea that if anything happened to the resistance as a result of him being captured, it would be his fault. his fault for giving away the information.

and he didn't want it to be his fault if the resistance failed. not after coming so close to driving it into the ground before. ]

I don't know why you do anything. But I think I got it. You can't. If you tried to go after her, she could fight back. Use the Force. So you go after someone else who's not like either of you. Like you're trying to say something.

[ he knows he's walking on thin ice here, but that never stopped him from doing or saying stupid things before... ]

*cues up tense music*

[umbraeternam]

[ Her eyes narrow further. She stares at him silently, considering. Sensing. ]

Did she tell you? About the choice she turned down, and the choice that she made on the island? [ Kylo had never been able to tell precisely where Rey (and by proxy, Luke) was, but she had seen and sensed enough near the end to gather that much. Hearing Snoke say it when he ripped the location out of Rey's mind had only confirmed Kylo's suspicion. ]

No, I doubt it. The Resistance views her as a hero, she wouldn't tell you all the truth. No more than how you bury your truth beneath attitude and bravado as if it can make what you really feel go away.

[ Kylo closes the distance that he created when he recoiled, not touching him but right in his face, staring down at him slightly. ]

The Dark promised her the answers to the questions she sought, and she heeded its call. In her naivete she didn't even hesitate. She may appear to fight for the Light now but the Dark will be within her forever. She can't run away from it any more than she could run away from the truth about her parents. Nor any more than you can avoid the truth of the path now before you.

[bythehand]

[ that's gay. he's kind of starting to expect that, though. this is the real conditioning.

people don't break into and out of star destroyers for things that aren't important somehow.

it's very much not 'keep up and do what you're told or get left behind'. ]

Not to be selfish or anything, but you're the only important thing I have. So I'd like it if you didn't just leave, yeah.

[ which includes dying, which he'll put in the 50 shades of gray style blood pact i guess. also he doesn't actually care if that was selfish. he has one whole person, that overrules everything else. it's math. ]

[forcevisions]

[ Rey squints at him like … maybe he's full of shit … but regardless, she swipes her ID on the dorm door to get them inside and starts up towards her room with Finn. Poe can come too. Poe can sleep on their floor and take his dog out in the morning if he really wants to. [

Don't say I didn't warn you.

[followhim]

[ conditioning with the power of love and friendship: it's super effective.

part of him — and no small part of him, either — wonders if this ... is wrong? being the only important thing is a lot of responsibility. especially when he knows that there are other people who would be important to finn, like, right over there. just over there.

but they're not here. they didn't go on this stupidly high-risk rescue mission. they aren't here now. later, after they made it out of the dumpster and onto yavin 4, he could text rey and rose like "what's up, finn and i are alive if you wanna stop and say hi." if they make it that far. gotta take this one day at a time.

meanwhile, the other part of him that isn't consumed with whether or not it's wrong is screaming and crying because finn said "you're the only important thing that i have" and that's a lot more than "stop giving me things i'm leaving bye forever." this entire conversation was just a slow build to that point, but they made it. now they arrived. ]

Okay. I won't.

[ he just lets that hang there. no weird awkward foot in mouth follow-up explanations. no high-key gay elaboration on how much finn means to him and that's why he won't leave. sometimes you just gotta let your words be words. gonna go FULL TILT. there it is. solved. done. he won't.

he will lunge for another hug, though. and then just stay locked in that sort of uncomfortable hugging while sitting down next to someone position. stay there until he dies. why bother hugging hugs that aren't going to last forever. those are the only hugs that get to exist down here in junk town. ]

[followhim]

She can fight it. [ it was easier to fight for rey. he wanted to believe in her. more than anything. as long as she was there, the resistance had hope. ] People make mistakes. She can be better. I know she can. What about you, huh? You didn't let your mom die. It was on purpose, right? What does that say about you? Maybe you can be better.

[ !! he has an idea. a seriously stupid idea. what if ... he turned kylo ren? sure, he believed she was heartless, was nowhere close to forgiving her from all the (mostly mental) torture he'd endured ...

but there was leia. the way he saw her cry about leia. she had to have stalled for the resistance. there was no way they could have evacuated in time otherwise. these are desperate times; he's open to the idea of being wrong about her.

(because if he was wrong about her, he wouldn't have to be brainwashed.) ]

Maybe you're not as dark as you think you are.

[ will this help his situation or make it even worse? a true mystery. ]