She was there when he did it, when he read that woman's mind. She felt what he did, and he didn't hurt her.
[The why of it doesn't matter, but Finn can guess. Rey would have stopped him if he had hurt her, so he didn't in order to get what he wanted. Pretty simple, really.]
She wouldn't have been okay with him torturing her and I think Kylo Ren knew that.
[Maybe the guy really is trying to keep the peace, if only so he doesn't have the entire organization all over him. He's here because he wants something, too.]
I think it's something Jedi can do too. It's just a matter of if they choose to hurt someone in the process or not.
[poe stays quiet for a minute (miraculous), turning this information over in his mind.
kylo decided not to torture someone. one time. and rey felt it, because she was there.
WHY DIDN'T SHE JUST SAY THAT???
he remembers what she said. he remembers every word of that conversation very well because he's been replaying it over and over in his head, over-analyzing to try and understand rey. and just ... not succeeding. she didn't say "oh but it wasn't torture this time so it was fine."
she said i remember what it was like when he ... but we're talking about preventing a war.
how was he supposed to take anything but exactly what he thought from that? bantha shit.
it's too easy. too simple. there's something off about this whole thing. did he really expect rey to be honest with finn?
well, yes, but now he realizes just how little he actually knows about her. maybe she was just saying whatever she thought would keep finn's friendship.
but he's not going to ... he can't burn that bridge. it's not his to burn.]
I know I took off pretty fast, but she did have a chance to say that to me before I left. I just ... [he pinches the bridge of his nose.] I don't know. You really think we can still trust her? That she meant everything?
[That's not what Rey told him. She'd said that he ran off before she could explain, that he didn't want to hear it.
Maybe emotions were running high and things just spiraled. It was hard to know when he wasn't there, but he nods either way.]
She's just scared, Poe. She only just learned how to do this sort of stuff and she doesn't want people to think she's like him when he's the only other person here who's like her.
[He reaches out, putting his hands on his shoulders, an attempt at reassurance.]
She wants you guys to work it out. I just had to explain that you didn't distrust her just because of her powers.
For someone who doesn't want people to think she's like him, she spent an awful lot of time defending him in our talk. And ... okay, maybe it's nothing. I'll give you that. But you roll around in the mud enough, you're going to get dirty.
[he shakes his head, sighing as finn's hands come down over his shoulders. it's a reassuring gesture. he wants to be reassured. he wants to be wrong about this. but all his instincts are saying he's not. maybe he's wrong about the mind reading, but there's something deeper than that that's wrong. what??? who knows. but he doesn't like it.
to which you may say, maybe poe dameron just really hates not being right.
and you wouldn't be wrong. but he'd like to not be right about rey being a psychopath?????]
I'll talk to her. I don't ... it wasn't because of her powers. It had nothing to do with that. It was because of the things she was saying, which she could have said even if she was like you and me. But ... [begrudgingly] maybe we misunderstood each other.
She can do the same thing, Poe. She can read minds. She probably felt like she was defending herself.
[It would account for the defensiveness, even if she was talking about an enemy.
His thumbs run reassuringly over his shoulders, as if he can tell that he's on the right track to fixing this. That's all he wants, for this to be fixed.
Otherwise, it feels like he's being torn in half.]
I don't like the idea of her standing up for him either, but I'm not sure this was really about him at all.
[you know who hadn't put that much thought into rey having literally the same powers as kylo ren??? yep. you guessed it. this one right here. made her cry and didn't even think about why. because he was being absorbed by his own manpain.
FINE maybe he was in the wrong here more than he would like to admit!!!
but the shoulder-rubbing is nice. he lets himself be distracted by that for a moment, instead of the giant mess in his brain. and the guilt. ugh. you can't catch him guilty thoughts. ]
Yeah, thinking about it, I said some stuff that probably would've ... yeah. [no wonder she was so weird about it. she was trying to justify mind reading because it felt like he was coming for her personally??? duh poe. just. duh. smh.] I guess we were both ... caught up in some stuff.
Yeah. [he nods, then nods again, going over all this information in his head. she's going ahead to the empire of the crashing wave, so that'll give them some time apart anyway. to ... sort out their emotions. (or her emotions since he is obviously totally fine now over here.) and then when it's actually time to go over he'll try to talk to her. yep. it'll be fine. everything'll just work itself out. because that's how the world works for poe dameron.] I'll talk to her when we catch up. That way we can both have space, and ... yeah, it'll be good.
[he claps him on the shoulder like thanks for being a great supportive friend BUDDY buddy then he's like "wait rey isn't here why am i living a lie" and pulls finn in for a hug.] Thanks, buddy. [nailed it] I don't know what I'd do without you. I really needed you, I think I was too close to it.
That's what I'm here for, right? We take care of each other.
[That sounds right. Right? Right.
Either way, he's just relieved that things seem to be working out. Now he just has to hope that everything doesn't explode the next time they talk. But surely, it'll be fine.
If not, he'll just keep helping until it's fixed. No problem.]
[first of all: this is not a friendly bro hug between bros. he is holding on longer than necessary and not letting go.
that's what i'm here for, right? we take care of each other.
that's what finn's saying, but it's hard. hard to know if he really means that in the way poe would like for him to mean it or if he's just saying it because he is genuinely the best person in the entire galaxy and would treat anyone else the same.
poe can't ... not do anything. they're alone, his emotions are high (when are they NOT fucking high. when he's asleep???? maybe), and he's just really hung up on how finn might be literally the best thing that ever happened to him. ever. saved him from dying and now he's saving him from himself because he really honestly needs it.
he pulls away a little bit, but it's so one of his hands can touch finn's face, cupping his cheek. this is ... not how buddies treat buddies ok. this is really fuckin gay. he's going for it. slowly.]
Yeah, I mean, you're just ... you're always ... it means a lot to me.
[I mean, he might realize that if he was used to hugs in any form whatsoever. There's a little less back patting, but that doesn't mean anything to him in regards to, well, that.
Finn would be lying if he said things weren't different when it came to Poe, though. He knew well enough what it was like to have comrades in arms, even if he'd been trained not to care. That had never worked out really well for him. Even if he'd defected, it hadn't been easy to leave some of those guys behind, nor had it been easy for him to watch Slip die.
Caring too much was kind of his M.O.
But then Poe's cradling his face in his hand. His skin was warm against his cheek, and the fact that things with him were different sure seemed a whole lot more obvious in a hurry. His heart thumped quicker in his chest as his face grew warm.]
[oh no. no going back now. he's really going for it. but you know what it's fine because
if their incentives don't work out, what then? they can go home to dying????? they might not get an ~after the war~ perfect time for poe to spill out all his feelings and see how that works out for him. and if they don't work out now ... then what? he could just ... transfer ... transfer away forever. yep.
nah, that line of thought is unnecessary. because while sometimes he may not always be right, as this series of stupid-ass events has proven, he knows he's right about this. he has to be.]
You're always ... you see the light in everyone and everything. I try to, but sometimes I get stubborn and lose sight of what's important. But you're the real thing, and I don't — I dunno how I'd feel if I didn't have that. If I didn't have you. I don't wanna know.
[still in this holding pattern of touching finn's face. he bites his lip, hesistating.]
[Finn is going to have two people today that will both completely lose their shit if something happens to him, huh. Like not even in a normal grief way but in an over-the-top clusterfuck way.
When he set out today to try and get his friends to stop fighting, he didn't think they were both gonna think he was the best thing ever.]
Maybe it's because I was surrounded by the exact opposite for my whole life. [Meeting Poe, getting off that base, it was the start of something different. Something terrifying, but better.] I need you too, alright? You trusted me from the very beginning, and you didn't have to. And maybe it's because you didn't have any other options at the time, but then when we met back up...
[He hadn't even hesitated. He'd just hugged him like he always does now.]
The point is, you don't have to find out. I'm not going anywhere.
[He could have gone off with Rey, but he didn't. He stayed here.]
[WELL SURPRISE FINN YOUR LIFE IS A HAREM ANIME. you didn't know that before but now you do.
as ... well, as stupid as poe can be sometimes, he does have a good heart. he wants to believe the best in people. his actions usually come from a well-meaning place, even if there are better ways he could go about the execution. he immediately saw the goodness in finn — how could he think anything else about someone who saved his life, who gave him hope when he'd ran out? finn had never given him a single reason to think otherwise, to stop believing in him. not even once. he was always just ... finn.
anyway, hearing finn say nice things about him melts his heart. maybe they're kind of things he needs to hear right now, while he's feeling like an asshole for being so hard on rey.
he wants to voice some of that aloud, say how the choice to save him, even if it was the only possible choice he could have made, was still a choice and it still mattered and he'd been ready to die and the galaxy gave him finn but
his mouth isn't working. there's too much that wants to come out at once. instead, he manages: ]
Good. Stay with me, okay? Just ... stay with me.
[and then he goes in for the kiss. forceful, but brief. brief because he pulls back to assess the situation, before finn can get the opportunity to do so first.]
Edited (fixes my redundant ass writing while you're asleep) 2018-02-11 06:06 (UTC)
[That's just it. Finn one hundred percent believes that Poe would back him up in any situation, no matter how horrible or dire, even under the worst circumstances. And he'd do it for him.
That's important in more ways that he can express with words, because neither of them are super great at speaking.
He's about to reassure him, because he's not sure why Poe would think he'd leave him, well, ever, but then...THAT happens.
Finn's brain short circuits. He doesn't respond at first, more out of surprise than anything else, and he looks a little deer-in-the-headlights when Poe pulls back to check on him. His chest feels like it's going to explode, his face feels hotter than it ever had, and he's not entirely sure he's not going to pass out if he doesn't do, well, something.
Luckily for Poe, that something is to slide his hand from Poe's shoulder to the side of his neck so he can pull him back in. Because he needs to feel that again. Immediately.]
[finn is staring at him, and he has a split second of standing there thinking was that the wrong call???? did i screw up once ag—
and then there's no more room in his head for thinking about anything because finn is pulling him back in. nope, no thinking. just action. if finn wants seconds then poe is here and ready and he is gonna 👏 get 👏 some 👏 . he uses the hand still against finn's back from the hug to press him in closer. no room for space jesus. he's been waiting so long for this and now it's time; he held back for a moment and now he's done holding back forever. he's a gay 100 emoji, he's a wildfire. he's all force and pressure and mouth and also some teeth. who is breathing, i don't know her.]
[It's to Poe's benefit that he's all in, because Finn has literally no idea what he's doing, and the fact that he simply has a lead to follow does wonders. Everythings a reaction, from the way his hands grip a little bit tighter, to the way he sucks in air through his teeth, and how he chases after that warmth that starts to seep through him.
Finn had only recently learned that sometimes the best thing he could do was stop thinking so much and just do whatever felt right. And damn if this didn't feel right.]
[he gets that finn's all reaction and, it makes sense?? they probably weren't playing spin the bottle at the stormtrooper finishing school for boys. he's not pressed about it. if he has to build up from the ground up with finn and intimacy then that is a job he's willing to take on.
he starts pulling him towards the wall, only breaking from the making out occasionally to catch his breath. can't breathe through his nose okay he's doing too much. anyway, here's wonderwall. as in, finn is pressed against the wall. the hand that was at his back plants itself against the wall instead, while his other hand slides down to finn's neck.
still a little out of breath, he announces:]
If I do something that's not okay, tell me to stop, okay?
[There probably wasn't much making out practice in the barracks, no. Not even with his reflection in a mirror or a picture in a magazine.
Finn half stumbles backwards and is saved by the sudden presence of the wall, his back pressing into it as Poe effectively pins him against it. Finn doesn't seem to mind, and Poe doesn't seem to be bothered by his inexperience, so that bolsters his confidence a little.
Oh, words. He tries to process those but it doesn't entirely work because he's just like 'this is nice why would I tell you to stop?']
Yeah, alright. You too.
[Though in Finn's case it's more a matter of like...tell me if I'm bad at this and not what Poe's probably actually trying to get across. It's fine.]
[the "you too" is the most precious thing that poe has ever heard and it honestly melts his heart a little. finn is too good, too pure. actually that takes him out of the mood for a second like maybe we should just hold hands forever. he seems like he would be into that. he's really into holding hands.
just kidding the thirst is too strong. he's been laying in the desert, tortured by thirst. since the day he met finn, probably. so like ... month ago? that's a long time, okay. a long time that involved a lot of sleeping beside him and not acting on any carnal urges because he's such a gentleman. and not a chaotic gay thirsty mess.
he refocuses his kissing effort to finn's neck, while his hand that was touching him there moves to his chest and ... slowly starts to make its way down but sort of stops at his stomach because it's time for feelings. he's having gay feelings and is unable to stop them from coming out. in the middle of making out. it's fine. don't worry about it.]
I've always — [the words are a whisper against finn's neck — ] I love you so much. I want you to know that. I love you.
[Oh, that's new. Also nice. His head tilts back until it rests against the wall, wetting his lips unconsciously.
Let it be known that two people told Finn they loved him this day. It has been A Day. Stressful but good in ways that Finn has zero familiarity with, and this emotional rollercoaster apparently decided to make its highest climb near the end instead of the beginning.
It was different with Rey, though. She'd said it and it had meant something else, something so different that it almost didn't make sense to him why they only had one word to describe what he was feeling then to what he felt now.
He's not sure he would have been able to put a word to this, not if Poe hadn't done it for him first.
Finn's hands slide up on either side of Poe's face to lift him away from his neck, the urge to meet his gaze suddenly all-consuming, as if he's going to be able to look into his eyes and find the answers to everything that's happened since they met.]
I love you, too.
[That's why he's really here, isn't it? Not just to help the Resistance, or to make sure that Rey has a place to come home to.
It's to save him. It's always been the biggest part.]
[something about those words, wanting them for so long and then actually hearing them — looking at his face, so intensely earnest as always — it's like a shock to his system. electricity, or ice water. or both at the same time.
his urge to be the most dramatically gay at all times outweighs his thirst. maybe he'll actually get out some of the words he was struggling with earlier. he straightens up a little bit, but doesn't leave any room for space jesus. gaze still intent on finn. ]
You know, on the Finalizer, I thought I was gonna die. I didn't have any hope left, that was it. But then ... you came. You came and saved me. I always kinda thought the Force gave you to me.
Yeah ... yeah. I think you're right. It's gotta mean something.
[basically: his mom was right. things balance out. bad things happen to remind us of what's really important. if he hadn't taken a trip to torture town, he never would have met finn. he wouldn't have been there to save finn. even though what he went through still weighs heavy on him, heavier than he'd like to admit to anyone (even though his super melodramatic reaction to mind reading existing is kind of a clue to the levels of ptsd going on there but it's fine don't worry about it), he wouldn't trade it or take it back ... because of finn.]
Look, with ... with everything. We don't know what's gonna happen back home. Maybe we'll get our incentives and everything will work out fine, but if it doesn't, I just ... [yeah he would have regretted it. he waited like two weeks which is the equivalent of 20 years with how these kids fuckin navigate their relationships with other people.] I wanted to make sure you knew how much you mean to me. And that I don't — I don't ever wanna be without you.
Yeah? [He just likes the fact that Poe is agreeing with him on this, and he nods.] Yeah.
[They sure say that a lot. Whatever. Poets they are not.
They've both got their baggage, most of it surrounding the First Order, albeit in different ways. But it's just another thing that binds them together, even if hating the same thing wasn't the most healthy thing to bond over.
Good thing there was more to it than that.]
We'll make it work. Here and back home. [If he has to be the one to make sure they don't lose hope for however long this takes, he'll do it.] I'll make sure of it.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
She was there when he did it, when he read that woman's mind. She felt what he did, and he didn't hurt her.
[The why of it doesn't matter, but Finn can guess. Rey would have stopped him if he had hurt her, so he didn't in order to get what he wanted. Pretty simple, really.]
She wouldn't have been okay with him torturing her and I think Kylo Ren knew that.
[Maybe the guy really is trying to keep the peace, if only so he doesn't have the entire organization all over him. He's here because he wants something, too.]
I think it's something Jedi can do too. It's just a matter of if they choose to hurt someone in the process or not.
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kylo decided not to torture someone. one time. and rey felt it, because she was there.
WHY DIDN'T SHE JUST SAY THAT???
he remembers what she said. he remembers every word of that conversation very well because he's been replaying it over and over in his head, over-analyzing to try and understand rey. and just ... not succeeding. she didn't say "oh but it wasn't torture this time so it was fine."
she said i remember what it was like when he ... but we're talking about preventing a war.
how was he supposed to take anything but exactly what he thought from that? bantha shit.
it's too easy. too simple. there's something off about this whole thing. did he really expect rey to be honest with finn?
well, yes, but now he realizes just how little he actually knows about her. maybe she was just saying whatever she thought would keep finn's friendship.
but he's not going to ... he can't burn that bridge. it's not his to burn.]
I know I took off pretty fast, but she did have a chance to say that to me before I left. I just ... [he pinches the bridge of his nose.] I don't know. You really think we can still trust her? That she meant everything?
no subject
Maybe emotions were running high and things just spiraled. It was hard to know when he wasn't there, but he nods either way.]
She's just scared, Poe. She only just learned how to do this sort of stuff and she doesn't want people to think she's like him when he's the only other person here who's like her.
[He reaches out, putting his hands on his shoulders, an attempt at reassurance.]
She wants you guys to work it out. I just had to explain that you didn't distrust her just because of her powers.
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[he shakes his head, sighing as finn's hands come down over his shoulders. it's a reassuring gesture. he wants to be reassured. he wants to be wrong about this. but all his instincts are saying he's not. maybe he's wrong about the mind reading, but there's something deeper than that that's wrong. what??? who knows. but he doesn't like it.
to which you may say, maybe poe dameron just really hates not being right.
and you wouldn't be wrong. but he'd like to not be right about rey being a psychopath?????]
I'll talk to her. I don't ... it wasn't because of her powers. It had nothing to do with that. It was because of the things she was saying, which she could have said even if she was like you and me. But ... [begrudgingly] maybe we misunderstood each other.
no subject
[It would account for the defensiveness, even if she was talking about an enemy.
His thumbs run reassuringly over his shoulders, as if he can tell that he's on the right track to fixing this. That's all he wants, for this to be fixed.
Otherwise, it feels like he's being torn in half.]
I don't like the idea of her standing up for him either, but I'm not sure this was really about him at all.
no subject
FINE maybe he was in the wrong here more than he would like to admit!!!
but the shoulder-rubbing is nice. he lets himself be distracted by that for a moment, instead of the giant mess in his brain. and the guilt. ugh. you can't catch him guilty thoughts. ]
Yeah, thinking about it, I said some stuff that probably would've ... yeah. [no wonder she was so weird about it. she was trying to justify mind reading because it felt like he was coming for her personally??? duh poe. just. duh. smh.] I guess we were both ... caught up in some stuff.
no subject
[He might have gone of the rails himself if it had been presented to him the way it had been to Poe.]
Like I said, she's heading over to the Empire of the Crashing Wave, so maybe some space isn't a bad idea for right now.
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[he claps him on the shoulder like thanks for being a great supportive friend BUDDY buddy then he's like "wait rey isn't here why am i living a lie" and pulls finn in for a hug.] Thanks, buddy. [nailed it] I don't know what I'd do without you. I really needed you, I think I was too close to it.
no subject
That's what I'm here for, right? We take care of each other.
[That sounds right. Right? Right.
Either way, he's just relieved that things seem to be working out. Now he just has to hope that everything doesn't explode the next time they talk. But surely, it'll be fine.
If not, he'll just keep helping until it's fixed. No problem.]
no subject
that's what i'm here for, right? we take care of each other.
that's what finn's saying, but it's hard. hard to know if he really means that in the way poe would like for him to mean it or if he's just saying it because he is genuinely the best person in the entire galaxy and would treat anyone else the same.
poe can't ... not do anything. they're alone, his emotions are high (when are they NOT fucking high. when he's asleep???? maybe), and he's just really hung up on how finn might be literally the best thing that ever happened to him. ever. saved him from dying and now he's saving him from himself because he really honestly needs it.
he pulls away a little bit, but it's so one of his hands can touch finn's face, cupping his cheek. this is ... not how buddies treat buddies ok. this is really fuckin gay. he's going for it. slowly.]
Yeah, I mean, you're just ... you're always ... it means a lot to me.
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Finn would be lying if he said things weren't different when it came to Poe, though. He knew well enough what it was like to have comrades in arms, even if he'd been trained not to care. That had never worked out really well for him. Even if he'd defected, it hadn't been easy to leave some of those guys behind, nor had it been easy for him to watch Slip die.
Caring too much was kind of his M.O.
But then Poe's cradling his face in his hand. His skin was warm against his cheek, and the fact that things with him were different sure seemed a whole lot more obvious in a hurry. His heart thumped quicker in his chest as his face grew warm.]
I'm always....what?
[Clearly his brain has stopped working properly.]
no subject
if their incentives don't work out, what then? they can go home to dying????? they might not get an ~after the war~ perfect time for poe to spill out all his feelings and see how that works out for him. and if they don't work out now ... then what? he could just ... transfer ... transfer away forever. yep.
nah, that line of thought is unnecessary. because while sometimes he may not always be right, as this series of stupid-ass events has proven, he knows he's right about this. he has to be.]
You're always ... you see the light in everyone and everything. I try to, but sometimes I get stubborn and lose sight of what's important. But you're the real thing, and I don't — I dunno how I'd feel if I didn't have that. If I didn't have you. I don't wanna know.
[still in this holding pattern of touching finn's face. he bites his lip, hesistating.]
no subject
When he set out today to try and get his friends to stop fighting, he didn't think they were both gonna think he was the best thing ever.]
Maybe it's because I was surrounded by the exact opposite for my whole life. [Meeting Poe, getting off that base, it was the start of something different. Something terrifying, but better.] I need you too, alright? You trusted me from the very beginning, and you didn't have to. And maybe it's because you didn't have any other options at the time, but then when we met back up...
[He hadn't even hesitated. He'd just hugged him like he always does now.]
The point is, you don't have to find out. I'm not going anywhere.
[He could have gone off with Rey, but he didn't. He stayed here.]
no subject
as ... well, as stupid as poe can be sometimes, he does have a good heart. he wants to believe the best in people. his actions usually come from a well-meaning place, even if there are better ways he could go about the execution. he immediately saw the goodness in finn — how could he think anything else about someone who saved his life, who gave him hope when he'd ran out? finn had never given him a single reason to think otherwise, to stop believing in him. not even once. he was always just ... finn.
anyway, hearing finn say nice things about him melts his heart. maybe they're kind of things he needs to hear right now, while he's feeling like an asshole for being so hard on rey.
he wants to voice some of that aloud, say how the choice to save him, even if it was the only possible choice he could have made, was still a choice and it still mattered and he'd been ready to die and the galaxy gave him finn but
his mouth isn't working. there's too much that wants to come out at once. instead, he manages: ]
Good. Stay with me, okay? Just ... stay with me.
[and then he goes in for the kiss. forceful, but brief. brief because he pulls back to assess the situation, before finn can get the opportunity to do so first.]
no subject
That's important in more ways that he can express with words, because neither of them are super great at speaking.
He's about to reassure him, because he's not sure why Poe would think he'd leave him, well, ever, but then...THAT happens.
Finn's brain short circuits. He doesn't respond at first, more out of surprise than anything else, and he looks a little deer-in-the-headlights when Poe pulls back to check on him. His chest feels like it's going to explode, his face feels hotter than it ever had, and he's not entirely sure he's not going to pass out if he doesn't do, well, something.
Luckily for Poe, that something is to slide his hand from Poe's shoulder to the side of his neck so he can pull him back in. Because he needs to feel that again. Immediately.]
no subject
and then there's no more room in his head for thinking about anything because finn is pulling him back in. nope, no thinking. just action. if finn wants seconds then poe is here and ready and he is gonna 👏 get 👏 some 👏 . he uses the hand still against finn's back from the hug to press him in closer. no room for space jesus. he's been waiting so long for this and now it's time; he held back for a moment and now he's done holding back forever. he's a gay 100 emoji, he's a wildfire. he's all force and pressure and mouth and also some teeth. who is breathing, i don't know her.]
no subject
Finn had only recently learned that sometimes the best thing he could do was stop thinking so much and just do whatever felt right. And damn if this didn't feel right.]
no subject
he starts pulling him towards the wall, only breaking from the making out occasionally to catch his breath. can't breathe through his nose okay he's doing too much. anyway, here's wonderwall. as in, finn is pressed against the wall. the hand that was at his back plants itself against the wall instead, while his other hand slides down to finn's neck.
still a little out of breath, he announces:]
If I do something that's not okay, tell me to stop, okay?
[/teaches finn about consent because he's woke]
no subject
Finn half stumbles backwards and is saved by the sudden presence of the wall, his back pressing into it as Poe effectively pins him against it. Finn doesn't seem to mind, and Poe doesn't seem to be bothered by his inexperience, so that bolsters his confidence a little.
Oh, words. He tries to process those but it doesn't entirely work because he's just like 'this is nice why would I tell you to stop?']
Yeah, alright. You too.
[Though in Finn's case it's more a matter of like...tell me if I'm bad at this and not what Poe's probably actually trying to get across. It's fine.]
no subject
just kidding the thirst is too strong. he's been laying in the desert, tortured by thirst. since the day he met finn, probably. so like ... month ago? that's a long time, okay. a long time that involved a lot of sleeping beside him and not acting on any carnal urges because he's such a gentleman. and not a chaotic gay thirsty mess.
he refocuses his kissing effort to finn's neck, while his hand that was touching him there moves to his chest and ... slowly starts to make its way down but sort of stops at his stomach because it's time for feelings. he's having gay feelings and is unable to stop them from coming out. in the middle of making out. it's fine. don't worry about it.]
I've always — [the words are a whisper against finn's neck — ] I love you so much. I want you to know that. I love you.
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Let it be known that two people told Finn they loved him this day. It has been A Day. Stressful but good in ways that Finn has zero familiarity with, and this emotional rollercoaster apparently decided to make its highest climb near the end instead of the beginning.
It was different with Rey, though. She'd said it and it had meant something else, something so different that it almost didn't make sense to him why they only had one word to describe what he was feeling then to what he felt now.
He's not sure he would have been able to put a word to this, not if Poe hadn't done it for him first.
Finn's hands slide up on either side of Poe's face to lift him away from his neck, the urge to meet his gaze suddenly all-consuming, as if he's going to be able to look into his eyes and find the answers to everything that's happened since they met.]
I love you, too.
[That's why he's really here, isn't it? Not just to help the Resistance, or to make sure that Rey has a place to come home to.
It's to save him. It's always been the biggest part.]
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his urge to be the most dramatically gay at all times outweighs his thirst. maybe he'll actually get out some of the words he was struggling with earlier. he straightens up a little bit, but doesn't leave any room for space jesus. gaze still intent on finn. ]
You know, on the Finalizer, I thought I was gonna die. I didn't have any hope left, that was it. But then ... you came. You came and saved me. I always kinda thought the Force gave you to me.
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[When they'd both thought there was nothing left. Finn had already made his choice, and if Poe hadn't been there.
It's hard to wish something bad hadn't happened to them when it meant they'd both end up here, though.]
That has to mean something, right?
[And if it doesn't, maybe they're just really fucking lucky. Finn would be okay with that, too.]
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[basically: his mom was right. things balance out. bad things happen to remind us of what's really important. if he hadn't taken a trip to torture town, he never would have met finn. he wouldn't have been there to save finn. even though what he went through still weighs heavy on him, heavier than he'd like to admit to anyone (even though his super melodramatic reaction to mind reading existing is kind of a clue to the levels of ptsd going on there but it's fine don't worry about it), he wouldn't trade it or take it back ... because of finn.]
Look, with ... with everything. We don't know what's gonna happen back home. Maybe we'll get our incentives and everything will work out fine, but if it doesn't, I just ... [yeah he would have regretted it. he waited like two weeks which is the equivalent of 20 years with how these kids fuckin navigate their relationships with other people.] I wanted to make sure you knew how much you mean to me. And that I don't — I don't ever wanna be without you.
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[They sure say that a lot. Whatever. Poets they are not.
They've both got their baggage, most of it surrounding the First Order, albeit in different ways. But it's just another thing that binds them together, even if hating the same thing wasn't the most healthy thing to bond over.
Good thing there was more to it than that.]
We'll make it work. Here and back home. [If he has to be the one to make sure they don't lose hope for however long this takes, he'll do it.] I'll make sure of it.
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