followhim | open post

open post

☒ action ☒ text ☒ picture prompts ☒ overflow ☒ etc

WISH LIST

★ my dark au kink:
+ being captured by the first order and subjected to reconditioning
+ trying to turn him back with the power of gay love and friendship (and possibly failing)
+ he was always a first order tie fighter pilot instead of winter soldiered
+ poe and finn first order murder squad (dynamics if they were both stormtroopers? running away together?)
+ ^ part b: the fam that gets captured and reconditioned together… stays…together…
+ Interesting Dynamics with kylo and hux from dark aus

★ finn stuff
+ what will they do after the war? romantic vacations? homesteading? sending finn's spit to space 23andme?
+ infinite escape reimagining/aus, stormpilot escape room reigning champions

★ rey stuff
+ relationship of convenience because they're both In Denial
+ sith princess rey aus where he tries to save her and/or she turns him

★ kylo stuff
+ infinite interrogating/torture room reimagining/aus
+ ^ part b: stockholm syndrome?
+ We Need to Talk about Leia

★ general
+ honestly anything regarding leia (esp processing grief post-tros)
+ talking about his sketchy spice runner past (possibly playing things taking place during that time in his life?)
+ ^ same for things taking place during academy/new republic tbh
+ i love aus. modern aus, vampire aus, a/b/o aus, let's au the entire world
+ i prefer m/m for poe but am good with most ships

kinks if ya nasty

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

[ two dudes, chillin in the cargo bay, naked and zero feet apart cause they finally yoloed their feelings.

honestly when you go to boyfriend town you have to see some of the sights. you gotta get your flirting in. finn isn't gonna complain, he's like a dry intimacy sponge. he's like a lizard on a hot rock. he has a deficit and he's gonna make up for it. ]

Field surgery is a little better than "get drunk enough."

[ he couldn't just make out with a poe THAT drunk. the drunkenness level it would even take. horrifying. ]

[salfhldas;gjlsa;f]

OF COURSE I

DON'T

DON'T START THAT

POE I SWEAR

I can't give that back to you. Ben told me something once. He said ... that we have to let the past die.

[ she seems to think through it as she speaks. ]

I'll help you.

[ she lifts her hand, extending it towards poe, and then he feels it. a familiar pressure, bearing down around his mind. ]

[he feels it; he knows what's happening. her told her how much it broke him, the first time with kylo ren, and here she was, trying to do the same. another weakness he'd handed off to her before he ever considered the possibility of it being used against him.

the rey he knew was gone. completely and truly. he knows that now. he doesn't have to hold on to that notion anymore.]

I don't want your help! [the words come out as a growl, and he tries again to struggle against his invisible restraints.] Stop!

[he tries to press back, tries to fight it, because he's a fighter. that's who he is as a person. but 1) he's not a force user, and 2) he's already so broken. so tired. something in him had snapped, been crushed, and now he knows the dying is the only way left to get out.]

i didn't know my charms worked on you, too!

[STARTS IT. he's such a jerk smh.]

Right? Yeah, it's got that kind of "you take care of me" thing going for it. Which, I'm not saying I need it, but ... it's nice.

[are you sure tho. but honestly they're both kind of messes. giant hot messes who need to take care of each other.

anyway since he's just laying there on top of finn not doing much else, he starts idly tracing shapes along finn's side with his fingertips. gay.]

I know.

[ the levee breaks. tears roll down her cheeks — not just due to the pain she sees in him, though she can feel it now, great and considerable, reminding her that he hates her for this, that he sees her as a monster. but also because she doesn't like having to do it either. it's simply necessary.

it's a gift, without which poe would never be able to find peace in this life. she wants him to be free of that suffering. if it will take just a little more to get there, well—like he said. the right thing is rarely easy to do. ]

Shh. [ she can't stand to hear him as she delves into his mind. ] Please, just stop.

[ it sounds like she is the one being tortured. and, buried in his mind as she is, she feels it just as keenly. only she feels too the guilt, and knows that it will be with her forever. poe, soon, will be free of this.

she roots around, tearing down the barriers he tries to put up. searching for that one moment, the instant that made it impossible for him to understand her. something in his life, in his upbringing, that kept him from seeing it. that would be what she took. ]

[ there's a lot of pain to shuffle through, pain he never properly dealt with. losing leia, losing finn, losing rey (he did lose her), losing every single person who rallied behind him. they all believed in him, and he let them down. every action he'd taken, always so sure that everything would work out — that was his personal motto, after all, things just work themselves out — everything was wrong, and now he was all alone.

he really did want to help her, believed that there was some part of her buried deep, that if he just reached out in the right way, said the right thing, he could bring her back. he believed it despite every horrible thing she'd done. despite what she'd done to finn. he was so righteous, believed so strongly that everyone was fundamentally good, and he knew she was, because he'd seen that goodness in her before. it was only now that he gave up. killing the rest of the resistance was stepping to the edge of the threshold, and digging into his mind was leaping off it.

she has to spend some time digging, honestly, because it's buried deep. deep, but still bright and clear. a fundamental part of who he is. something that shaped him. she would know it; it hadn't been a story he'd been shy about retelling. at least, not the broad strokes of it.

sitting outside with his mother — there was no mistaking that's who she was, there was a resemblance, most notably in her equally ridiculous hair. poe, who couldn't be older than six or so, crying over a dead bird. her explaining that sometimes bad things happen to remind us of what's important. he'd be nicer to birds now, wouldn't he? sometimes bad things happen, but it would be okay. the galaxy is a good place. things balance out.]

[ just when this space dennys thought they wouldn't be getting back on their gay bullshit.

honestly something about the fact that poe maybe has literally no idea what he's doing with his life makes it a lot easier to. not trust him exactly, because finn's not sure he completely trusts anything that's good. and not relax exactly, because memories or no, he's probably never gonna be 100% relaxed in his life.

but an approximation of a step closer to both of those things. a curl of what might be fondness? for sure.

poe has a good laugh.

the corners of finn's mouth twitch into a smile before he can think better of it. ]

That's fine. He was here first.

[ one day it's gonna have to register for finn how much gayer he is than he remembers anticipating. or i guess how much more capacity-for-love in general, but also looking at poe in his face and being done for. wow. ]

[the waitress is probably live-tweeting their relationship unfold anyway. it's just a series of tweets about them holding hands and staring at each other sadly. riveting.

he isn't sure what to say. or rather, he knows what he wants to say, but he's afraid it'll ruin this moment they're having where everything almost feels sort of okay. all the horrible things are surmountable, because finn is on his team now and they're going to work together to figure things out. how could he ruin that?

uh just watch him. but at least he doesn't sound quite as sad as he was looking and feeling for a minute there. more wistful.]

BB-8 was your friend, too. Before. The first time we escaped, we got split up, and you found him and got him back to the Resistance for me. ... It really meant a lot. To me. And, uh, he likes you.

[bb-8 nudges finn's leg with his round lil body for emphasis. finn is friend. finn is other dad.]

[ by the time she roots herself deep enough in his mind to reach this memory, it is as though she is standing there, over his mother's shoulder, listening to the very same lecture she had heard poe recount a dozen different ways. in times of heartache. in times of doubt. once, to try and assuage her shame and guilt about the bond she shared with ben, while she was still torn over it.

a lifetime ago.

she steps around shara bey to crouch beside them, covering the bird with one hand. she takes it and breaks the head back. it is dead already. it feels no pain. but the neck splits, the feathers come apart in her hand. the head comes loose and there is blood on her hands. on poe's knee where he crouches. on his fingers.

it hurts her to take this from him. this one good thing. this shining, bright memory. but she holds the bird out to him, a piece of it in each hand, and she says over shara bey's voice, ]

The universe can be a dark place. It is up to you to make it good. Will you help me?

[he is aptly horrified as a small child or even grown adult might be when a lady shows up and covers you in bird blood. he stares at her, no longer crying but face still stained with tears. in shock. motionless.]

Okay.

[he says it as a child, but somehow the present day him says it too. he lets go of everything. the universe isn't good. it's darkness and chaos and people dying for no reason. senseless. meaningless. brutal and cold.

but rey could fix it. he could fix it with her.

okay.]

That works out fine. You're nice.

[ a hopeless romantic coexistence between two disasters of different caliber. poe really is nice. ergo it's good to have a nice Thing. finn is not biased.

shoutout to mister shapes-tracer, bc that sends one of those like. goosebumps and full-strength shudders directly up finn's entire spine, thanks for that. what the fuck, nerve endings, that's a really weird counterpoint to both his lizard-in-the-sun and boner-town statuses. and he can't figure out if it's a good counterpoint yet. ]

You're nicer. [that's really what this banter has devolved to, huh. arguing over who's nicer. smh. still tracing, ftr. he takes the shudder as encouragement to keep going. not that he's putting a whole lot of active thought into it in the first place.]

You're all ... I like when you get worked up about stuff. [so every second of every day of his life?] And when you get excited about stuff. When you smile, it's like ... it's like a meteor shower.

Edited 2018-01-24 05:05 (UTC)

[ oh my god even i can't handle how gay that is and i was prepared for it. there's no way finn is going to survive. his heart promptly does a backflip out into the void of space because of the surge of sudden and intense Feelings he's been saddled with. how is he possibly supposed to cope with living in the same galaxy as that statement??

no really he literally has to take a few seconds. he stops petting poe's head and everything, bc he's like i need all available hands to pretend i can hold all of this, holy shit. and if part of him thinks he doesn't deserve it, he punches it in the metaphorical face bc he can deal with it later and it's not ruining this for him right now.

like a meteor shower.

no one has ever said something like that to him, ever, in his life??? he can't actively angle his memory in that 10-seconds-ago direction enough to acknowledge it or respond directly to it. it just happened. the only word to describe him is shook.

he might not be able to fight fire with equally strong fire, but finn's entire brain to mouth filter is dead, so he guns it before he even thinks about it. ]

You know what I like about you?

Edited (ok dw i know i picked an icon) 2018-01-24 05:34 (UTC)

[i was only prepared because the sentiment has been made in the past but yeah it's still pretty Full Gay. but poe is a human 100 emoji, okay. it is known. if he's gay he's going full gay and no one can stop him.

but he kind of glances back up at finn when the head petting stops (like excuse u, i was enjoying that, but also did i insult you??? are you triggered by meteor showers????)

but apparently not. this is okay too.]

No, what?

[ some men just want to watch the world burn, by devastating their boyfriends in one fell swoop. but u know what, that's fine.

finn kind of has to work to figure out exactly what he's trying to say now that his own mouth has forced him into a position to have to say it. it would probably be pretty easy to say everything, even though he knows he'll probably yell at poe within the next 24 hours for something dumb that he inarguably does not like. that's love, bitch.

but he gets into the neighborhood of the feeling, sort of, and lets his tone go soft in the process. ]

You make everything human.

[ without even trying.

with poe, everything is messy and colorful and impulsive. he cares about everything, and he tells people they have smiles like meteor showers, and he's beautiful. even though it would be easy for him not to bother being good at all. ]

[ that's a... good story? sounds fake? finn looks down at bb-8 again for a sec like this mystery is gonna magically unfurl itself right in front of him. it fails to do so. but he tries to be a good sport and give bb-8 a little head pap. wow, he hopes that's a thing people do.

if any of that really happened, he doesn't remember it.

he doesn't think he actually needs to say so. he thinks poe is probably painfully aware. ]

If I... [ oh boy you know what's cool? thinking of what you're about to ask and having to wrestle down every single spike of learned panic that rears up over it.

but he wants to ask more than he is scared of his own brain bullshit, for once. ]

If I go back. With you. After this. [ you can do this. just force words to come out of your mouth and hate yourself for nebulous Reasons later. tbh it kind of helps to still be holding a hand. shoutout to poe's hand. ] Would I have to stay?

[ he's too afraid to ask if they might really be able to help. he's definitely too afraid to believe he really will make it there. i mean i guess generally he's too afraid to be hopeful.

but if they make it there, that's a reconditioned stormtrooper with directions to a rebel base. if there is no helping him, or if he doesn't want to be there-- look, if he wanted to rot in a holding cell, he could have shot poe earlier and at least done it somewhere familiar, that's all i'm saying. ]

[ bb-8 seems pleased with it, anyway. because he's actually a dog. he gives a small beep.

first of all: poe knew this was coming. he knew this was coming from the second finn tried to bolt with while still strapped in to the tie fighter, maybe from the second he didn't remember. he was off trying to hitchhike a ride off jakku while finn decided to join the resistance, he didn't know why he did or what kept him there. i mean, he wanted to assume it was because it was The Right Thing to Do and finn was just that good, but. what would keep him there now? (poe making sad eyes at him doesn't count as a reason.) ]

If you don't want to stay, I'm not gonna keep you.

[ that's the truth of it. he couldn't. not when finn tried so hard to get out the first time. he couldn't put him in another prison, even if it was a prison where he had a name and wasn't locked up and could do whatever he wanted except for leave. that wasn't right.

that statement is followed by a pause. a pause that feels like standing dangerously close to the edge of a cliff, because it would be spitting in the face of everything he cared about. or used to care about, anyway. it meant taking his inner turmoil and putting it outside, committing one way or the other. and that was terrifying.

but he was still going to do it. ]

I'll go with you. If you end up wanting to leave, I'll go with you.

Edited (When one typo changes everything smdh ) 2018-01-24 16:20 (UTC)

[ she can feel the calm wash over him. his body stops fighting her, somewhere far away in the physical world. she reaches out to touch his hair, embrace this child version of himself. his hair is thick and coarse and feels real in her hands the same way ben feels real when she reaches out to him across the force. this, she supposes, is no different really.

the sigh she exhales is both real and a mental projection. it is one resigned to accepting the weight of this burden, the responsibility of helping him survive in a world where there is no resistance. ]

Would you like to go see Finn now?

[ suddenly she is standing beside him in the room again. the child is gone, and she has stopped restraining him. the pressure has gone from his limbs. ]

[ the six-year-old iteration of himself lets her touch him, embraces her back. this fragment of himself was still blindly trusting, hadn't had his heart ripped out. that came later.

that one's back in reality, snapping out of what had just happened to him. sitting up experimentally. ]

Yeah.

[ if there was one thing he still cared about in this horrible, broken world, it was finn. finn saved him from certain death. finn chose to be good in a world where nothing matters. finn chose him in a world where nothing matters.

if nobody was intrinsically good, if everyone was just whatever they chose to be with a slant towards selfishness, those choices meant more to him now.

he wipes his face off with the sleeve of his jacket. had he been crying? he didn't remember crying, and the sleeve came up dry, but ...

it was easier not to think about it. ]

I'd like that a lot.

[ she reaches out to take his hand. in part to guide him, in part because it would keep her better attuned to his reactions in the strange new world of his loyalty to her new empire, and in part because she could not stand to watch him wipe the phantom tears from his face again. force help her, she didn't have the strength. ]

Come on.

[ she helps him off the bed and leads him to the door. it opens into a first order hallway. at first brush, it's no different than the first order had ever been. it really isn't different at all, yet. but there are ... hints. small things. stormtroopers without their helmets talk in the hallways.

it is, after all, their barracks. ]

I've always admired your resolve, Poe. You do the hard thing, even if it kills you. You don't compromise. That's what I need at my side.

[well, he's like a computer processing a software upgrade. trying to reconcile his past with who he is now. discovering that it was easier to just ... block some things out. shove them away. things that were too painful, pieces that didn't fit. he didn't need those.

as he walks with her, he takes in his surroundings neutrally. it's not an enemy stronghold; it's just another ship. stormtroopers are just people, but not people who he thinks need saving. not important. scenery.]

Yeah? [he tilts his head, considering the question like she'd just asked something as menial as what he'd like for lunch.] Yeah. Of course. I should've joined you a long time ago.

[why did he attach himself to a dying cause for so long? the writing had been on the wall ages ago. stubbornness, maybe.

like so many things, it was tossed into the box of things he didn't want to think about anymore.]

No.

[ she didn't want that either. his difficulty in accepting it, that had hurt her, but for him to write-off all of it as a bad call doesn't sit well either. because it's not ... him. she wanted to change his mind, not change him. ]

You didn't have all the information. You were afraid. That's not ... You just know better now.

[ that's all. he's seen the world as it really is. her hand squeezes his. ]

General Hux and Captain Phasma have been relieved of their commands. I'll need people I trust to fill their stations. Finn is the only one I trust to oversee the stormtrooper program's transition, but you ...

You've worked with the rebels for such a long time. It's in your blood. I was only adopted into it. Your understanding of military maneuvers and politics will help us expand our influence.

[WELL YOU CAN'T HAVE IT BOTH WAYS REY SMDH. you can't change his mind without changing him so enjoy the consequences of your actions. /rockets out.]

So, what, you want me to be your general? [he smiles, but even that is different. it doesn't quite reach his eyes.] Well, getting these guys to not suck is gonna be a challenge, but I think I'm up to it.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

Page 10 of 68

open post

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject