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[followhim]

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WISH LIST

★ my dark au kink:
+ being captured by the first order and subjected to reconditioning
+ trying to turn him back with the power of gay love and friendship (and possibly failing)
+ he was always a first order tie fighter pilot instead of winter soldiered
+ poe and finn first order murder squad (dynamics if they were both stormtroopers? running away together?)
+ ^ part b: the fam that gets captured and reconditioned together… stays…together…
+ Interesting Dynamics with kylo and hux from dark aus


★ finn stuff
+ what will they do after the war? romantic vacations? homesteading? sending finn's spit to space 23andme?
+ infinite escape reimagining/aus, stormpilot escape room reigning champions

★ rey stuff
+ relationship of convenience because they're both In Denial
+ sith princess rey aus where he tries to save her and/or she turns him

★ kylo stuff
+ infinite interrogating/torture room reimagining/aus
+ ^ part b: stockholm syndrome?
+ We Need to Talk about Leia


★ general
+ honestly anything regarding leia (esp processing grief post-tros)
+ talking about his sketchy spice runner past (possibly playing things taking place during that time in his life?)
+ ^ same for things taking place during academy/new republic tbh
+ i love aus. modern aus, vampire aus, a/b/o aus, let's au the entire world
+ i prefer m/m for poe but am good with most ships

kinks if ya nasty

Comments

[followhim]

[DON'T MAKE HIM SAY IT. don't make him say he came here to party and have the sex. maybe he can just ... not. and say something snappy instead. he has .005 seconds to choose a direction to take before his brain just does whatever it wants.]

You don't even wanna know.

[HA actually nailed that one. the literal smoothest.

nah everything that happened today is like the wildest shit he's ever done honestly. partying aside, insubordination that wiped out the resistance's entire bomber fleet aside, mutiny aside. ... he's done a lot of wild shit.]

[bythehand]

[ the feedback loop sounds 100% on-brand. they're ruined. it's a spiral of wondering how they got so lucky and how their one true love is so hot.

he makes a pff sound. this hand cannot stop him, he's too powerful. ]

Yeah. I'll look back at you on my way out.

[ get walked in on being naked By Yourself in a perfectly good cargo bay, poe. how much of that even makes it through the hand though. finn considers changing his tactics. ]

[followhim]

[he lifts up his hand, knowing finn was trying to make words but not knowing what any of those words were. why would he even need to when he's just going to get back on his bullshit.]

What's that? You decided to stay down here with me forever? Sounds like a plan.

[bythehand]

[ poe, attempting to build an emotional pillow fort around finn: don't worry about it. ]

You're my pilot, so no. I probably don't.

[ he's leaving this train right now poe is a smutty fiend 2k18. nah he doesn't care that much about it. if poe's wild partying doesn't get them murdered. ]

[bythehand]

[ how does poe never run out of bullshit? it's a limitless wellspring of his own bullshit. ]

If forever's on the table, it's not down here and naked.

[ they've both literally already prepared for the lifelong haul on this one, lads. every aspect of life has to be ride or die. ]

[followhim]

[he is one with the bullshit, the bullshit is one with him.

but finn does make a compelling point. he's not ready to move just yet ... but he is willing to consider the option.]

Yeah ... this isn't exactly ideal. Do you wanna get dressed and go to my bunk? [the falcon isn't bustling with romantic locales, okay. but he is full ready to admit that he's done doing anything productive this cycle and continue being attached at the hip to finn.]

[followhim]

[he just wants finn to be safe in his emotional pillow fort, okay. finn is a jenga tower and who knows what will happen if literally any block gets pulled out? better just surround it with pillows.

that said, his heart skips multiple beats when finn says "my pilot." his pilot. did finn even mean that in anything other than the most literal sense, being, once again, a pilot while finn is a virgin who can't drive? probably not, but it's too late because now he's had the thought and it's not going anywhere.

it was worth it. every questionable choice he made today was worth it just to be holding hands with finn and hear him say "my pilot."

it'd be a "wow, i'm in way too deep" moment if he hadn't already known that he's in way too deep from the way he went after finn without literally any thought for a single consequence until they started showing up closer than they appear.

he responds by giving finn's hand a squeeze and resting his head against his shoulder. maybe he wouldn't shove him off. maybe it was fine. just gonna grab at that jenga block with surgical precision.]

This is a lot, though, even for me. But we're gonna make it out okay. I believe that.

[bythehand]

[ he grins. ]

That's a better plan. Probably be more comfortable. [ with poe's grievous droid injury, obviously comfort must be a priority. or in any case, it's gonna be less cold and hard to lay on so. better for both of their backs, win-win. finn sets his internal 'get up and get dressed' timer to like a minute. everyone deserves a nice afterglow minute. ]

[bythehand]

[ finn weighs his options for a few seconds.

he thinks poe banks too much on hope. he thinks poe probably really misses a friend that he'll never get back, and he's not sure if poe is in denial about it or something, because he's not looking forward to the fallout if that's the case.

he's starting to think that every time he starts to feel like he has a handle on anything, his brain is hard-wired to somehow remind him that he absolutely doesn't.

that said, he's a disaster. but he's a touch-starved disaster, so he allows this. tentatively, and certainly not relaxing into it, but he allows it. he has the full capacity to shove poe away if he decides he's done with the touching, and poe would probably definitely stop if he did it, and that makes a difference. that's more than he's been able to trust anyone in his vicinity to do since he went in for reconditioning, as far as he can figure. that makes a difference, too.

(why would any human person plan to just ask someone to move if they get too squirrelly about it... smh.) the jenga tower hobbles onward. ]

You believe in an awful lot of things.

[followhim]

[ first of all:

1) he does bank too much on hope
2) he does miss his friend but
3) he is determined to get him back and refuses to stop until he is dead from the effort of it because that's just what a poe dameron does.

he is so tired. not just physically but also emotionally. he thought taking a break to go to space denny's would give him some energy to keep going via having food inside him at the very least, but keeping finn in an okay place has been a lot of emotional labor and the weight of it is crushing him.

self-doubt starts to sink in. can he do this? it's so much. how much more good luck can he have before he completely biffs it and they both die or he dies or finn's worst nightmare comes true and he gets taken away again??

yikes. this is why he doesn't like thinking ahead more than 10 seconds at a time. when you get past that 10-second range, you start staring into the void. he needs to stop not being in motion long enough to glimpse into the void. it keeps happening and now they have a million levels to go through where he's just gotta sit and think and stare. why didn't he just go to level 1300something??? why is he like this? ]

Yeah, I do. Lucky for you, all you gotta do is believe in me.

[bythehand]

[ some people are born to think more than 10 seconds ahead no matter how terrible it is for their mental state. finn is one of them. i mean, unless he's actively doing something or fighting or talking or anything specific at all, because then most of the time he just guns it.

but in terms of broad worst case scenarios, finn is constantly putting his sights on those bad boys. some things are a given. maybe they won't happen today or tomorrow or even next week. they'll still happen. literally just constantly understand that nothing good stays, look, it's been treating him great this whole day. it's very healthy. ]

Working on it.

[ he wishes he could just say that he does. there are probably a hundred things he wishes he could say or do, in regards to poe and this whole wild-ass rescue mission. maybe someday. ]

[followhim]

[that's progress, isn't it? poe thinks it's progress. "working on it" is something. maybe finn doesn't trust or believe in him, but he's trying to.

on that note, poe knows that it's ... well, it's not exactly mentally sound behavior to grasp at straws by assigning hope and meaning to every little thing finn does. like, objectively, he should stop. but he can't stop. this is how he's keeping himself afloat. clinging onto this absurdity.

he doesn't know what else to say besides KEEP BELIEVING IN ME FINN. DO YOU BELIEVE YET? HOW ABOUT NOW???? and silence leads to existential crisis hour, so. time for him to keep talking. about literally anything. come on brain, think of things. ]

There's nothing else like being in space. I wanna show you. When we're riding in something that actually wants to stay in the air. It's just ... you feel so free. Like you could do anything. That's why I became a pilot.

[bythehand]

[ i looped that vine for 10 minutes its a mood.

he wonders what it's like to grow up getting to choose stuff. like what you eat or what you wear or what you want to be or what farm equipment you attach advanced machinery to. almost exactly that pretty much slips right out of his mouth before he can catch it-- what was it like to have a reason to become something-- but he doesn't know if he wants to know an answer.

that's probably one of those things that people couldn't really answer, anyway. it's not something that they know what it's like, it's just something about them that is. it would be like someone asking him what it's like to be a stormtrooper. what's the frame of reference? he just is one. ]

There's too much space in space. [ it yawns open around things. it never stops. there's nothing in it. it's coarse and it's irritating and it gets everywhere smdh. ] I'm better with my feet on the ground. Normally. I think.

[ maybe a flight while he's not crushed by the weight of his own issues in a tiny shitty tie fighter or actively trying to avoid getting blown up would be... good...? he's not against trying to see the appeal, god knows there are probably gonna be a ton of ships in his future. ]

Probably why I'm not a pilot.

[followhim]

[he doesn't laugh, but he sort of makes a "heh" noise. it's nice. this is nice. he can almost pretend everything isn't on fire. finn probably thought these things before, too, so. it's fine. just a normal conversation with original recipe finn kind of. just gonna talk about his life ad nauseum to fill in any silence.]

That's how my dad feels about it, too. My mom was more like me, he just ... doesn't get it. She used to take me out flying in her A-wing, but me and my dad would go camping.

i'm here with fresh trash

[bythehand]

[ this time... last week? maybe just like 4 days ago, it's hard to tell, on tfa: the a/b/o au version of getting drunk married in vegas if we're completely honest about it.

it's been a wild time lately. had sex in a storage room to appease biology's ultimate betrayal. wound up straight-up bonded, the full monty, the actual entire mating bond shebang, which finn wasn't really... against at all. it was right. immediately lost each other to supposed death, which was great and obviously also right, sure. reunited, had no time for a chat or a booty call. very nearly died for real, thanks kyle ron. reunited again, had no time for a significant chat or a booty call. nearly died again like. god, probably five times through all of tlj? between both of them. maybe more. something like that. rose kissed him??? it was awkward. luke skywalker showed up?? that shit just happened.

scratch "wild time." it's been a ridiculous time.

there's been a lot of bustle getting the resistance set up on the millennium falcon. resources to allocate, injuries to patch up, plans for where they're gonna go and what they need to do. eventually the well runs dry on what they can feasibly plan out. all they have left is time to wait to do any of it. and then finn, who has been ushered away from rose on the promise that she'll have eyes on her at all times, just kinda walking down a corridor, suddenly has the free second he needs to go oh shit we never even got to have a conversation.

finn also thinks something like "i have no idea how any of this works," followed belatedly by something like "do i know anything apart from his name and that he's a pilot and i like him and that i've seen him naked." he does not know anything apart from that. he's pretty sure that's not how that usually works? but what does he know.

anyway what up alpha, it's ya boi, here to get you alone finally. which is relieving, this prospect of getting poe alone and not being positive they're gonna get shot at, and finn's not gonna let himself look a gift relief in the mouth right now. ]

Hey.

[ finn restrains himself from just like. strolling up and shoving his face into poe's neck and personal space instead of saying hi. he hasn't felt like he smells right since he put on the dumb first order uniform and he lost his jacket, but he's not sure if gunning it on the face mash is kosher. tbh he'll probably end up doing it anyway. what's impulse control, long-term. he's never had that. ]

Uh. Are you busy, or-?

[bythehand]

[ that's a good sound. that seems like a not-horrible sound.

my mom was, poe says. his dad feels and his mom was. two and two make four. finn files it away neatly, something not to slip up about. ]

Huh. That sounds nice. [ can't relate. ] They sound nice. That's good.

[ look just because he can't relate doesn't mean he wants to be a jerk about it. it is good. it explains some of why poe is so nice, probably. ]

aaaa shoves my face in the dumpster

[followhim]

[first of all: that assessment is not wrong.

second of all: THERE WAS SO MUCH HAPPENING ALL THE TIME. so much constantly being separated and almost dying. the hijinks. the drama. it is a miracle poe is not dead tbh. just trying to be normal again. take some suppressants and space tape (which is apparently the equivalent of duct tape like good job on the creativity guys smh) the resistance back together and not think about anything besides THE RESISTANCE because that's what matters. right? right?????

he definitely didn't do anything like flip the fuck out on jakku or like come home and not wear the jacket he gave to finn but definitely hold and sniff it all the time after stapling it back together just to find some notes of finn. nah. that'd be ... weird right ... nervous laughter.

and he definitely didn't feel Super Weird about rose the whole time finn and rose were on their b-plot adventure because excuse you rose that's his. he's not being weird she's the weird one clearly. he should be grateful she decided to be extra af and save finn's life while he was busy trying to save everyone else's life and yet. and yet.

but he's definitely normal and super-fine and everything is cool and not weird. rose is a nice girl with a great personality. and finn is


finn.

and now he's here and standing in front of him and he is also trying really hard to stay in his lane with the self-restraint thing but that is also not a skill he's ever even attempted to hone in his life. he kind of forgets how to breathe for a second.]

No! Uh, no. [leia could have just called him in for a meeting to talk about how to blow up the first order and yet his calendar would be 100% clear for finn.]

Do you want — uh ... what's up?

[wow. just wow. those sure are some words that came out of your mouth, dameron.]

[followhim]

Yeah. Yeah, they are. ... Were. [he doesn't see any reason to not talk about it while he's on this exposition train. literal train ig. and he went and made it weird all by himself in .05 seconds, so. ] My dad is still around. My mom died when I was little. They were both rebels, but it wasn't — not in battle or anything. She just died in her sleep. Nobody knew why. Just ... something that happens, I guess.

[he doesn't sound upset, just kind of sad as it's a sad part of his life but it happened when he was a kid and he's had to recount it numerous times, so. he's learned to deal with talking about it on a superficial level.]

[followhim]

[yeah he's not planning on moving for another minute or two but it's nice to have game plan in place. ]

I thought so. Then we could just ... stay there.

[he really thought that one out as u could tell]

[bythehand]

[ if there's one thing absolutely certain it's that nobody at all flipped the fuck out on jakku, and that's for dang sure. this is the most normal hangout in the world. it's going great.

it's going really smooth. ]

I just-- I thought I should--

[ finn thinks for about three seconds. thought he should what? oh no. he didn't have actual words in mind when he came here, he just sort of did, because. yeah.

yeah, you know what, fuck restraint, he's going in for the tight hug of a lifetime. he's gonna get his nose in there. he missed him. he's seen plenty of him lately, technically, but it was different. that was like seeing him as a coworker or something, it's not the same.

rose is like a break in the clouds. seeing rey again was like finding shelter in a storm.

poe feels like coming home. and coming from someone who never had much of a home to speak of, it's a hell of a feeling. ]

[followhim]

[oh good, we're not even going to try to be normal. he's fine with it, because he was trying his best and "his best" was shoddy as hell. it was a disaster. and now trying is over. he doesn't have to try to think of other things or put other things first. there's just finn and finn and finn. his priority list is just finn's name 50 times.

his arms wrap around him and he takes a deep breath; it's like coming up to the air after being trapped under ice. related: there's something cold about his scent, like ice. something clean and cold but also something metallic and smoky. kind of like space. no, not kind of. he smells like space in its purest form and poe is like yes absolutely yes this is all i kriffin care about help.

he could stay here forever. he wants to. because the second he isn't holding finn and pressing his face against his neck SOMETHING ELSE WILL EXPLODE AND THEY'LL ALL DIE FOR REAL. the falcon will explode of its own volition, probably. that's about how much he trusts the falcon, sorry han solo rest in peace but your ship is a dinosaur.

but for now, it's fine. if the falcon does explode right now, honestly he's okay with it because at least he got this one moment with finn first.]

[bythehand]

A lot of things are just something that happens.

[ like, they're taking a train to a giant dumpster level. even that's just a thing that's happening. what kind of other choice is there in this situation? and slip, who-- who he thinks is gone, maybe, but he can't remember for sure, all he has is fuzzy memory and the feeling of stepping around some kind of hole. slip was just something that happened, if it happened, and everyone saw it coming a mile away. that's probably the closest thing he has to even try to compare to this situation.

sometimes control is only a nice concept. sometimes you don't control anything at all, not even what you're allowed to do. definitely not what happens to you.

sometimes you get into a tie fighter with an insane rebel instead of taking his blaster and killing him. ]

I'm sorry it happened.

[bythehand]

[ ok see sometimes poe does have smort ideas though that's fine. ]

I'm willing to stay there as long as I can, yeah.

[ TRULY SUCH A SACRIFICE... TO STAY IN POE'S BUNK FOREVER... TBH ]

[followhim]

Thanks. [ he glances down at their hands, contemplating. mostly thinking about his mom. that's ... well, it's not having an existential crisis anymore, so that's kind of an improvement? but it also makes him sad. soft left turn into sadness. he's been alive much, much longer than the time he even had her in his life and it's still a loss he feels every day. he couldn't feel that about finn, not when he was right here beside him and holding his hand and letting him rest his head against his shoulder. this is why he couldn't just stop and accept things. he refuses. ]

My mom always believed that things happen for a reason. Even really horrible things. Sometimes horrible things have to happen around us, or to us, to help remind us of what's important. To keep the galaxy in balance. Because it is a good place, but sometimes ... we lose sight of things. But it comes back around. I believe that, too. It makes the bad things hurt a little less, sometimes.

[bythehand]

[ he doesn't believe that. he doesn't believe any of that. things that just happen just happen. things that people do to other people only have a reason if the person doing it has a reason.

he thinks he almost believes that things come around, that people get what they deserve. but if he believed that all the way, he wouldn't think he doesn't deserve any of this. he wouldn't be occasionally reaching up to hold a ring to try to convince himself he's really here. he'd be trying to figure out how he managed it, maybe. to accept it. like poe said.

it doesn't hurt less. he's just learning how to carry it until he doesn't have to anymore.

... he doesn't want to try to take that belief from poe. sure, he could ball up all his fear and confusion and frustration, all those things he shouldn't be feeling in the first place, and force them out through different vents. turn them into something sharp and painful to hold. he could aim his sights right now, argue back, try to shoot the sentiment down and crush it beneath his heel, even though he knows it probably wouldn't take.

he could've decided not to go easy on slip in that last melee training. he could've shot the miners on his last deployment. there are a lot of things he could do or could have done. he doesn't want to.

what's the point hurting something that either has no chance or wouldn't even try to hurt you back? maybe that makes him a bad soldier.

maybe this one time, there's really no one watching him for a slip-up, and he's allowed to admit to not wanting to hurt someone. even to himself. to admit that he just feels tired. ]

Am I the one getting reminded or am I supposed to be the reminder?

[ maybe this one time he can, in a roundabout way, at least acknowledge that what happened to him is horrible no matter which way it gets sliced.

he doesn't think he wants to be someone's reminder. ]