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WISH LIST
★ my dark au kink:
+ being captured by the first order and subjected to reconditioning
+ trying to turn him back with the power of gay love and friendship (and possibly failing)
+ he was always a first order tie fighter pilot instead of winter soldiered
+ poe and finn first order murder squad (dynamics if they were both stormtroopers? running away together?)
+ ^ part b: the fam that gets captured and reconditioned together… stays…together…
+ Interesting Dynamics with kylo and hux from dark aus
★ finn stuff
+ what will they do after the war? romantic vacations? homesteading? sending finn's spit to space 23andme?
+ infinite escape reimagining/aus, stormpilot escape room reigning champions
★ rey stuff
+ relationship of convenience because they're both In Denial
+ sith princess rey aus where he tries to save her and/or she turns him
★ kylo stuff
+ infinite interrogating/torture room reimagining/aus
+ ^ part b: stockholm syndrome?
+ We Need to Talk about Leia
★ general
+ honestly anything regarding leia (esp processing grief post-tros)
+ talking about his sketchy spice runner past (possibly playing things taking place during that time in his life?)
+ ^ same for things taking place during academy/new republic tbh
+ i love aus. modern aus, vampire aus, a/b/o aus, let's au the entire world
+ i prefer m/m for poe but am good with most ships
kinks if ya nasty
aaaa shoves my face in the dumpster
second of all: THERE WAS SO MUCH HAPPENING ALL THE TIME. so much constantly being separated and almost dying. the hijinks. the drama. it is a miracle poe is not dead tbh. just trying to be normal again. take some suppressants and space tape (which is apparently the equivalent of duct tape like good job on the creativity guys smh) the resistance back together and not think about anything besides THE RESISTANCE because that's what matters. right? right?????
he definitely didn't do anything like flip the fuck out on jakku or like come home and not wear the jacket he gave to finn but definitely hold and sniff it all the time after stapling it back together just to find some notes of finn. nah. that'd be ... weird right ... nervous laughter.
and he definitely didn't feel Super Weird about rose the whole time finn and rose were on their b-plot adventure because excuse you rose that's his. he's not being weird she's the weird one clearly. he should be grateful she decided to be extra af and save finn's life while he was busy trying to save everyone else's life and yet. and yet.
but he's definitely normal and super-fine and everything is cool and not weird. rose is a nice girl with a great personality. and finn is
finn.
and now he's here and standing in front of him and he is also trying really hard to stay in his lane with the self-restraint thing but that is also not a skill he's ever even attempted to hone in his life. he kind of forgets how to breathe for a second.]
No! Uh, no. [leia could have just called him in for a meeting to talk about how to blow up the first order and yet his calendar would be 100% clear for finn.]
Do you want — uh ... what's up?
[wow. just wow. those sure are some words that came out of your mouth, dameron.]
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it's going really smooth. ]
I just-- I thought I should--
[ finn thinks for about three seconds. thought he should what? oh no. he didn't have actual words in mind when he came here, he just sort of did, because. yeah.
yeah, you know what, fuck restraint, he's going in for the tight hug of a lifetime. he's gonna get his nose in there. he missed him. he's seen plenty of him lately, technically, but it was different. that was like seeing him as a coworker or something, it's not the same.
rose is like a break in the clouds. seeing rey again was like finding shelter in a storm.
poe feels like coming home. and coming from someone who never had much of a home to speak of, it's a hell of a feeling. ]
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his arms wrap around him and he takes a deep breath; it's like coming up to the air after being trapped under ice. related: there's something cold about his scent, like ice. something clean and cold but also something metallic and smoky. kind of like space. no, not kind of. he smells like space in its purest form and poe is like yes absolutely yes this is all i kriffin care about help.
he could stay here forever. he wants to. because the second he isn't holding finn and pressing his face against his neck SOMETHING ELSE WILL EXPLODE AND THEY'LL ALL DIE FOR REAL. the falcon will explode of its own volition, probably. that's about how much he trusts the falcon, sorry han solo rest in peace but your ship is a dinosaur.
but for now, it's fine. if the falcon does explode right now, honestly he's okay with it because at least he got this one moment with finn first.]
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poe smells better than everyone else anyway. it helps everything settle. it's better than planning, it's better than hoping, it's better than that emotional high he was riding after choosing his own cause for the first time in his life-- the universe could be shaking apart around them and he'd still feel settled. poe is still his, and now he's exactly where he's supposed to be again, which is with poe, and that's checked off of the important things to make sure of list.
forever sounds kind of like the ideal amount of time to stand here?? that seems like the best and logical course of action, finn's fine with that right now. what if they just do this until they fuse steven universe-style, the end, ideal outcome, then they never have to be not smelling each other. ]
I'm really glad you're not dead.
[ so maybe it isn't the most blatantly romantic thing he could open with after he's gotten enough breathing in to care about words. it's at least super true. ]
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[now that there are words, poe snaps out of his ... i don't even know, his euphoric fugue state and remembers that they are hugging in a hallway and finn is saying things to him.]
I know! [he at least embraces the statement with enthusiasm, because he is in the same place on the romantic scale tbh. he reiterates in a slightly calmer but not really voice:] I know. Every time — I kept thinking I was gonna lose you, and I — but then you were okay.
[that was a bunch of words that all tried to come out at the same time and barely made any sense at all, but he calms down with] You're okay.
[he's pro the whole steven universe thing, ftr. given how he forgot where the heck he even was for a minute there, just never being anywhere without finn ever again would be great. he tries to find more words. less stupid words. whenever he's around finn it's like his brain just completely shuts off. it's an embarrassment. he'll never be able to have an intelligible conversation with him. maybe if they become the same person he'll just know what is happening in the rapidfire of his mind.] I'm sorry — I shouldn't have — I shouldn't have done that, right? On the Finalizer. That was — I wasn't thinking.
[there are so many things he could be talking about; good luck nancy drew-ing that hot mess. rip.]
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the second half of what poe says leaves less certainty behind it. finn shifts his head a little, like he's trying to magically give poe's face a sidelong glance from over here, in the actual opposite direction of poe's face. that could mean anything, and his instant point of concern is that it means "so the thing is i don't actually want you and i was just super horny and it sort of Happened". is that a breakup opener, it doesn't feel like a breakup opener.
the prospect logically shouldn't be such a depressing possibility since yeah, he had a whole rut going on, he probably would've tried hitching his wagon to any omega that happened to show up. the logic is kind of getting its ass kicked. ]
Sure. Yeah. Kind of figured that out. [ finn swallows. no one in this hallway has any one fears 2k18. ] You know that covers a lot of ground, right? I don't know if I can think of anything you did think through back there.
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finn makes him laugh, and it releases some of the pressure. some of the immense pressure he has ... put upon himself.]
Yeah, you're not wrong there. [come on brain. the resistance is a spark 2k18.] I meant that ... maybe I shouldn't have bit you. If you didn't want that. I didn't think about what you wanted.
[and he clearly cares very much about autonomy and choice so yeah he feels a little bad about doing the GUESS YOU'RE STUCK WITH ME FOREVER to a dude he literally had just met.
even though he has been balls deep in love with him from the very second they met. but what if ... finn didn't feel the same way???? and now he is just obligated to be with him forever??????? that is some sad-ass shit. yikes.]
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so. this line of conversation is more of poe being poe, hopefully, he thinks. because poe is good and smart and the reason human faces were invented it's nbd. it doesn't sound like a breaking up lead-in.
oh. wait, now finn has to also come up with coherent words that express what he's trying to say. he's great at monologues with gravitas and last-ditch cave speeches, how the hell does he. how does he get to "you looked at me like no one ever had" vol. 2. it's all backfired horribly. ]
It wasn't great timing. Or a great place. Definitely didn't plan for it. [ he probably wouldn't have thought to... offer or ask or whatever the protocol is. when he considers everything. he spent his life with the implicit understanding that this wasn't a thing he'd get or want to find.
finn finds his way to his actual point, tentative: ] I wanted it, though.
[ issue the second: the problem with wanting to make sure someone doesn't feel trapped is that you have to show them the open door, or as much of an open door as someone can get out of this. ]
I thought maybe you... once you were thinking again. I didn't know if you really wanted to-- if you still would. I mean. It's okay if you don't.
[ factually it's not okay at all and he feels like there's probably no actual way to cut this bad boy off now that it's been in motion. but finn also digs that autonomy and choice flavor with the dial turned all the way up, they've got that in common.
this would probably be a good time to step back as like a symbolic gesture of the okayness he's pretending he would have, but he a thousand percent does not do it. he's not even gonna act like he can. ]
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[he brushes with a similar thought. like oh, maybe i should like … not hug finn with this intense deathgrip until we both die. his hands could touch other parts of finn???? like his amazing face or they could hold hands like otters??? but get this. no. this is the holding pattern they're locked in. maybe they should also not be in the hallway, but he's not ready to move with his feet, either.]
Whenever you're not around, I don't … I don't feel okay. I don't feel right anymore. Like something's missing. Do you feel like that?
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if traffic wants through this hallway it will have to make a big stink about needing to get through. unless someone is actively dying, finn would probably still take his time. maybe. idk, he's a reasonable person sometimes.
it's a relief to get the confirmation. makes his shoulders relax a little, and pretty much every part of his brain that was thinking in circles about it, a lot. he either huffs or scoffs against poe's neck, which both pretty much boil down to the exact same thing in context anyway. ]
Yeah. Like I lost something. Definitely noticed that.
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I never felt like that before.
[it was actually kind of scary? like, objectively overwhelmingly terrifying. then again that whole … wild-ass day was kind of terrifying. like, craziest of crazies. but the emotional component of finding moon of your life, your sun and stars etc and then losing them like ten minutes later?????? it was A Lot, okay. and it kept going. he's been through it. he feels like he's had his heart literally ripped out at least like five times in the last three days.]
I'm kinda ready to never feel that way again, you know?
[he can feel finn relax against him, and it drains a tension in him he didn't even know he was carrying. it's okay. he had finn and then he lost finn but now he has him again and has confirmed that they both want each other and everything is fine. it's the same kind of calm that washes over him when he's flying through a clear patch of space and he knows what he's doing because he's in that psychological flow zone and he just knows that everything is going to be okay.
everything's going to be okay.
he breathes deep, taking in finn's scent. okay. this is okay. it's home. (and as someone who actually did have a home, he doesn't even know yavin 4 anymore. yavin 4 can get fucked.)]
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they've both been in an awful lot of "did what i thought i had to do" positions lately. he has to figure there are only gonna be more in the future.
he'd like to never feel that way again, either. war is dumb, it messes everything up. ]
Bad time to be trying to save the galaxy.
[ poe smells warm. he smells like something soft and a little messy, like a room with an unmade bed and an open window with the sun coming through.
he makes everything feel safe. and finn can think it through and know that safety isn't much of a real thing in this day and age, logically, but he can think it through and still feel safe at the same time. that's kind of a luxury he's not often afforded. ]
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it's okay, someone has to have some sense of realism in this relationship and it was never going to be poe, honestly. he's a melodramatic sap.]
Yeah. Yeah, I know.
[he does know. this is why he's fighting at all. this is what his "after the war" looks like. he knows now. it's finn. forever with finn. if that's not worth fighting for, he doesn't know what is.
and now that he knows finn isn't actually planning on going anywhere and he's had his nose pressed against finn for so long the scent is still there (like when you rub chapstick on your nose tbh), he pulls back a little bit. just enough so he can see finn's face. what a good face, tbh. amazing. revolutionary. he feels … fully capable of having more than one thought at a time. two thoughts. two thoughts at a time. this is a whole new world.]
Do you wanna … we don't have to keep standing here.
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also give him like 2 seconds to answer. he's filling a gay disaster quota. he never gets to look at how good poe's face is without having to be like "welp anyway help me defect/my friend got kidnapped/where's rey 2 electric boogaloo/anyway death is descending or whatever". poe has a great face. even his eyebrows are great. how. hallway who don't know her.
he feels like if poe dramatically kissed him on a battlefield before passing out, seriously wounded...... it would have been a way less confusing couple of seconds in general. ]
Sure. Yeah.
[ .... okay listen. don't @ him. 2 more seconds. he gets there. he has to physically shake his head a little bit but he gets there. ]
Right. Right, we should probably-- go somewhere.
[ that isn't an active hallway someone will need to get through, no matter how touching the roadblock content is. GIVE YOUR HAND TO FINN TIME TO TRY TO REMEMBER WHERE ANYTHING IS ON THIS GARBAGE VESSEL. he only spent like a day on it. ]
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if he'd had a better look at this face or spent any actual amount of time with it instead of trying to save the resistance (from his own damn fuckery), he doesn't know if he would've been able to make the call. to not be the big damn hero rose was and just dive after finn instead of looking after his command. is that a problem? yes. is he aware of it? yes. is it shoved way in the back of his mind's closet because he's decided to make it a problem for another day? … also yes.
oh, right. we're doing the thing were we move and don't spend hours blocking a hallway by staring at each other. good plan. go team. he shakes his head, too. (what a mess.) ]
Right. [he kind of makes a coughing noise like that's gonna bring him to life.mp3 and make him remember where things on the ship are. and how to walk.] Right. I think there's …
[he thinks there's rooms. and places. on the ship. that's where that sentence was going. so, you know, forget it. he twines his fingers with finn's like it's his heckin job and starts to walk forward with purpose. but you know not too fast or anything gotta stay as close as humanly possible to finn like someone might try to walk in between them in the hallway and then they'd never see each other again. an actual thing that could happen????
they end up at the bunks just because that is the only place poe could remember how to get to on mental low battery mode. his bunk looks like literally everyone else's bunk because any cute little personal touches he might have had in his room on d'qar or something are gone now. rip. at least he gets a bunk because the falcon only has sleeping quarters for like seven and there are like ten resistance members so you know some poor souls are sleeping on that couch thing/the floor. poe has the top of one of the triple bunks bc he likes to be as high up as possible at all times. it's his thing. letting go of finn's hand to climb up the ladder is one of the hardest things he's ever had to do in his entire dumbass life but it's a sacrifice he's willing to make.]
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does finn enjoy this temporary disengaging of the hand movement? no. not hardly. he was literally just thinking about the space between them factor and how it was in a good place of very little. what the fuck. but, in counterpoint, he gets to keep poe in visual range the entire time and there's gonna be way less space between them soon. and he can check out poe's butt while he climbs. he's not blind, alright, he's gonna check out poe's butt.
so really, poe's sacrifice is much greater right now. he'll be remembered forever. ]
You would end up all the way up there.
[ he still doesn't know like 3 facts about poe yet, but something about this he can absolutely just Tell. poe the bird man dameron. anything else would be weird. ]
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he peers back down, grinning. back on his bullshit, clearly, now that there's enough air between them for fresh oxygen to reach his brain.]
I like being high up. That gonna be a problem?
[more like a cat than a bird tbh. he finds the highest place in any given room and goes yep i'm gonna get right up there. that sounds about right.]
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he grins back. sure, he misses the butt. he missed the face more. ]
I've worked with worse.
[ if we're talking cats finn is more of a "you moved the furniture so i'm under the bed for the next 24 hours" cat, but he can love a tall places man. he's not scared of heights or triple bunks. so nah it's not a problem. it's not a dealbreaker.
he climbs up far enough on the ladder to to prop his chin on the edge of the bed. this is the only warning u get poe, bc he is going to get in there. he is going to personally destroy the concept of personal space for both of them and he's going to thrive on it. because in this entire galaxy finn can only get into the mental ballpark of 'belonging' to literally one person without having to do an entire mental backflip away from it, and that one person is in front of his face.
Make 👏 Room 👏 For 👏 The 👏 Omega 👏
OR DON'T I GUESS BUT I MEAN HE'S GONNA GO FOR IT ]
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ANYWAY whatever his fursona apparently is, he is ready 👏 for 👏 this 👏 . he moves back until he's basically against the wall to make room for finn. i was going to try to pull up falcon schematics again but let's be real these are probably twin-sized beds. it's a tight squeeze, but that's okay because there was never going to be any room left for jesus in the first place. as soon as finn is all the way up, he wraps his arms around him and presses his face against finn's neck because of course he does.
this is great. this is even better than the hallway because there's no annoying voice in the back of his mind saying they should probably move out of the way some time this year. they can stay in the bunk forever and it wouldn't matter. (yeah okay it might matter if leia needs poe to actually do anything at all ever but you know what? not thinking about that right now. thinking is banned. he can only think ten seconds ahead at any given time. on a normal day.)
also: he's actually not super-fond of the idea of ~owning~ anyone in that sort of way as a concept, which is why he tried to broach the subject in the first place? but when he's with finn ... it just makes sense. it's not something morally wrong; they chose each other. and he'd never hurt finn or let anything bad happen to him. well. at least, he is TRYING NOT TO but it's really hard when they are the same brand of reckless relentless psychopath. fire meet gasoline.mp3. it's okay, they can just tag-team pvp the entire first order together. that feels like a thing within the actual realm of possibility while he's laying here getting high on finn-spice.]
This is better than the hallway.
[back to spitting out those greatest hits; he'll be up to this same fuckery all week probably.]
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this is the complete and total lack of personal space he was waiting for. he can do the smelling equivalent of rolling up into a blanket burrito and ignoring the entire outside world. and everything can feel right. instead of all the things happening all the time while the universe feels like it's placed everything two inches to the left of where it always was. he huffs out a quick laugh. ]
The hallway was better than the Finalizer. We might be getting better at this.
[ third time's the charm, back-on-your-bullshit johnson. ]
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A garbage masher'd be better than the Finalizer.
[as someone who usually operates at 1000% all day everyday, it's like everything is slowed way down. maybe down to like 100%. the world is smaller. it's just him and finn and this bunk and literally nothing else. it's a really calm, peaceful feeling. he's actually pretty into it.
one of his arms kind of slowly flails around looking for finn's hand like are you sure you don't still want to be otters? just in case?]
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I don't know. I put my old Captain into a compacter on Starkiller and she made it out fine.
[ just in time to die like scar in the lion king. ]
Think we'd have better odds of getting out of the garbage.
[ the fact that they made it to think they lost their soulmate on jakku was a testament to sheer luck and living on a bullshit prayer. that's his hot take on it. ]
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[ ^ probably hasn't actually heard this story because they've spent like five whole minutes talking to each other? with words, not counting the additional like fifteen minutes that were hey can we bone cool cool cool. i just want to note that i forgot poe was there for that business meeting where they talked about it but he didn't get the debrief on how it went so i stand by my tag. ok cool bye]
That's ... what? [he sounds somewhere between amused and impressed, so at least it's a good thing. he's leaving it behind instead of saying what 30 more times.] You're probably right. Now I have two stories about people getting out of compacters and only one story about people breaking out of the Finalizer.
[it's ok buddy you just don't understand how the force magically bends itself around poe dameron for some unknown reason. maybe it's the tree in his yard.]
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[ what better story to start getting to know the person you're bonded to for the rest of your life than "we threw her into the trash compacter". now that it's too late, there are probably lots of better stories.
but you know what, he'd do it again. pvp the first order. throw a space fascist into the garbage where they belong. hell yeah. ]
I was pretty sure it would take when we did. Kind of hoped one story would be the limit.
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You know, my dad was a ... he did stuff with Han Solo. I thought he was the most amazing person ever.
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comes back with the gay inception noise
clutches my chest
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