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WISH LIST
★ my dark au kink:
+ being captured by the first order and subjected to reconditioning
+ trying to turn him back with the power of gay love and friendship (and possibly failing)
+ he was always a first order tie fighter pilot instead of winter soldiered
+ poe and finn first order murder squad (dynamics if they were both stormtroopers? running away together?)
+ ^ part b: the fam that gets captured and reconditioned together… stays…together…
+ Interesting Dynamics with kylo and hux from dark aus
★ finn stuff
+ what will they do after the war? romantic vacations? homesteading? sending finn's spit to space 23andme?
+ infinite escape reimagining/aus, stormpilot escape room reigning champions
★ rey stuff
+ relationship of convenience because they're both In Denial
+ sith princess rey aus where he tries to save her and/or she turns him
★ kylo stuff
+ infinite interrogating/torture room reimagining/aus
+ ^ part b: stockholm syndrome?
+ We Need to Talk about Leia
★ general
+ honestly anything regarding leia (esp processing grief post-tros)
+ talking about his sketchy spice runner past (possibly playing things taking place during that time in his life?)
+ ^ same for things taking place during academy/new republic tbh
+ i love aus. modern aus, vampire aus, a/b/o aus, let's au the entire world
+ i prefer m/m for poe but am good with most ships
kinks if ya nasty
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[ It's interesting, seeing him this way. That's what Kylo thinks in a distant corner of her mind unaffected by her emotions. Earlier she spoke of armor, true, but she had expected more of fight to remove any of it. When she summoned him this day, she certainly hadn't expected... this.
He's hurt. She doesn't need the Force to see and feel it. But she draws little satisfaction from it. Knowledge perhaps, but not satisfaction. How odd.
Kylo turns away, back to the window, and falls silent. She doesn't want to think about any of this. About what she lost, about what she never had, about what could have been. It doesn't matter. She can't change anything, none of this changes anything.
After several minutes she's speaking again, voice quieter. There's almost hesitation in the question that comes and she's not sure if she really wants him to answer it. ]
Does she ever speak of me?
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No.
[ the word doesn't come with malice. it's less sharp than it might have been a minute ago. he didn't want to feel sorry for kylo ren, but he does. kind of. a little bit. ]
Not really. But she doesn't -- she's not the type of person to talk about stuff like that. She keeps it inside. At Han's funeral, she said we have to save our sorrow for after the fight. I guess that's what she's doing. Saving it all up.
[ at that point he purses his lips, thinking about how
a) kylo ren was the cause of that sorrow for killing han, and also
b) brianna was the cause of other sorrow for being a crappy daughter.
the well of sympathy dries up. even when leia hurt him in some way, his loyalty was always going to be to her first. ]
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She sort of hums a thoughtful noise at his words. It's all the reply that can be managed at the moment when her throat is tight and she doubts words would come out if she opened her mouth. This wasn't supposed to matter. It wasn't even supposed to be something she knew how to care about anymore. Why did it matter if the woman who so easily sent her away didn't speak of her or about her? Why did it matter if she had been replaced? Why did she care if the only family left alive seemed to not acknowledge her to others?
(Kylo can't say Leia doesn't acknowledge her at all because she felt it, that shared recognition when, even with the boundary of space and ships between them, they had been the closest to each other they had ever been in likely over a decade. It's a sensation Kylo can't stop thinking about. Almost more so now that she knows Leia is alive and there's a chance, a possibility, that it might not be the last time she ever senses her mother.)
The darkness in her loathes every moment of this. Not the emotion and pain itself because both were fuel for the flames, but this... this vulnerability. The profound sadness and ache that's rooted in the past, in the light. It rips her up inside, the eternal battle between the two sides, and not for the first time she wonders if some day it won't literally tear her apart when her body is too beaten and worn down to contain the Force any longer. In her lowest moments, when pain and torment threatened to shatter her mind, she had wished it would happen. That the Force in its entirety would claim her and she could finally find peace in her own destruction, and hopefully the destruction of Snoke as well.
Lost in thought and emotion, she doesn't know how long she's quiet for. At some point silent tears begin to fall but Kylo stands motionless, arms across her chest. She almost forgets about Poe, to be honest. He's just kind of there, in her peripheral, like the presence of the Knight still dutifully outside the door making sure they're undisturbed. ]
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he really wished she'd stop crying. so much crying. it made it harder to hate her, or even take her seriously as an enemy. it was a universally relatable concept, maybe. crying because you felt like your parent didn't care about you.
but-- ]
Don't you get it? This is your fault. You made this mess. But you could fix it. Instead of sitting around feeling sorry for yourself. If you really care about her and what she thinks of you, you'd go back.
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[ The words weren't as biting and sarcastic as she would have liked them to be once Poe's voice pulls her from her thoughts. There was no heat to the words at all. A tinge of bitterness perhaps, mixed in with the hurt that overpowers most every other of her emotions at the moment.
But he couldn't be expected to understand. He didn't know what it was like to be able to wield the Force at all, or to be descended from those meant to fulfill prophecies.
The Balance. It probably sounded like a wonderful concept to everyone else. Kylo isn't sure if she even understands it anymore. She's never felt balance, not even when training in the light, back before Luke earned her fury. It seems a novel concept, thought up by those who've never known what it's like to feel the pull of either side, let alone both at once. ]
It doesn't matter. [ She takes a breath, holds it for a moment before letting out, ignoring how it still shakes. ] It doesn't matter. There's nothing to fix or go back to.
[ One hand finally comes up to wipe at her cheeks and she glances over at Poe, regarding him quietly before she turns and walks over to where he is on the ground. But rather than strike out at him, either physically or with the Force, all she does when she stops next to him is to offer him a hand to help him up.
If there was any doubt over which side of her is most present at the moment, that certainly indicates it's not the darker part. ]
I suppose I should be thankful Leia found someone she could rely on even if it wasn't her own blood. Force knows Han was never reliable other than to provide disappointment.
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he immediately has a reply to that ... but he doesn't want to give it to her. talking with her casually would suggest that he was giving her some kind of chance. which he wasn't. the capability to feel emotions didn't excuse her from anything she did to him or to the rest of the galaxy.
especially when she didn't think there was anything to fix or go back to. maybe she thought things were that bad with leia. he doesn't know. but he does know that she has the benefit of having a living mother to have that chance with. not that he's bitter.
(he didn't realize he could be this bitter until he was faced with kylo ren's perceived ungratefulness.) ]
I disappoint her plenty.
[ there. he said it. whatever, it was true. he can still see the stars from when she slapped him like it was yesterday. ]
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His reply makes her tilt her head slightly as she looks at him. ]
Perhaps. But you wouldn't cut and run. Judging by how much fight you have I don't think it's in you to do that, to give up on those you care about and turn away from them. [ She pauses, not sure how she feels about the impression she has, but she decides to voice it anyway. Might as well at this point. ] She obviously has faith in you, and trust, given the sort of missions she's entrusted you with. She must feel you can be counted on, regardless of the disappointments you mention.
[ It hurts, stings, but Kylo almost wants to understand. To see what it is Leia really wanted and couldn't find in her own child. (Because clearly whatever Brianna had been lacking her mother found in Poe, or so her mind is presently convinced.) ]
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even holdo had called him on it. told him follow orders if he wanted to serve the resistance, or take bedpan duty if he wanted to serve a princess. (he hadn't of course, but the words still burned.)
standing again, now with renewed vigor, he brushes her assessment off. kylo — brianna — was getting too close. ]
Is analyzing me part of the torture this time?
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Kylo's gaze hardens slightly, her eyes narrowing at the corners. ]
Tact really isn't one of your strong suits, is it?
[ She steps away from him and looks to the door, the Knight stepping in within moments. ] You can take him back now, we're done here.
[ The moment, whatever it was, is gone now. She did what she intended, which was to finally let Poe in on her little plan. All the rest... she would shove down and bury, as she needed to. Pretend like the past didn't bother her and like she didn't yet care about her mother.
She could almost hear Snoke's voice in her head, chastising her for the weakness, and that bothers her the most out of everything. That even now she couldn't get away from that creature. From anything. The past, her past self, anything.
All it took was bringing up her mother for Poe to get out of her things she hadn't spoken about with anyone else. That was unacceptable. She couldn't, wouldn't allow it to happen again. ]
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and then he blew it. in typical dameron fashion.
what could he say? sorry? not here. not in front of her knight(s). anger rises up in him — anger at himself for his own stupid mouth. ]
Come on!
[ yeah, he's got nothing. ]
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No verbal response comes, just a dismissive gesture of one hand as she turns away, once more returning to the window and looking out space. What she actually wants to do is leave the room, but like hell she's going to give Poe the satisfaction of one more example of how much the conversation got under her skin. Not that it likely mattered when her emotions had been on such display but it mattered to her. Where the pilot had his bravado and attitude, she had her own armor in need of replacing.
The Knight, for their part, doesn't seem to care about what had been taking place in the room. Or the fact that the prisoner was really no worse for wear. They just take Poe by the arm and make to leave the room, and leave Kylo to her thoughts. ]
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but that's neither here nor there as he's being carted off. he glances back, trying to get one last look at her and see where he'd managed to land emotionally, but her back is already turned. he makes an attempt at jerking away from the knights, but he knows that it's useless before he even starts.
stars. why did he say that??? why did he buy himself a one-way ticket back to his cold, empty cell? just what he wanted: more time to mull over his thoughts. ]
didn't think i'd have a reply for this till tomorrow but inspiration struck
Except it might be easier to believe she's not going out of her way to stay away if she hadn't seen fit to go over to the Supremacy a day or two after their surprisingly in-depth conversation.
The distraction works. Everyone's far too happy to show her how much progress they've been making, both with regards to repairs to the ship and rebuilding the fleet. There's yet a ways to go but even she's pleased with how far things have come.
She's walking through the completely renovated throne room -- too many bad (horrible, painful, anguish-ridden) memories contained in the space for her to even entertain fixing it back to how Snoke had designed it -- when her communicator buzzes. One of the Knights still on the Finalizer. A former Jedi, actually, one of the few who survived her wrath at the Academy. His hurried words send her rushing to the nearest flight deck to return to the other ship.
The pilot was gone from his cell. A trooper was all too easily threatened into confessing that Hux barged in with a handful of stormtroopers to drag the prisoner off while the Knights were changing shifts.
By the time she's back on the Finalizer her fury practically vibrates off the corridors as she strides through the ship. Kylo doesn't need to search, she knows where that bastard will have gone. Furthermore, she can feel the energy that's slowly becoming familiar to her. It's not a Force bond but she's aware of Poe's presence all the same if she chooses to focus on it. A trooper apparently more keen on following the General's orders than hers attempts to block her way to interrogation and she throws them with little effort, not even breaking her stride. ]
You insufferable cur... [ Kylo snarls at Hux as soon as the door to the room slides open, falling back on one of Snoke's favored insults for the general. And as much as she'd love to immediately strike him down with her saber, her gaze shifts to land on Poe, needing to assess his condition first. ]
and then i took forever to reply like a jerk 💀
after all that wallowing, he spent one split-second being … excited wasn't the right word. maybe a little excited to see something besides the inside of his cell? that feeling immediately dissipates when he realizes that's it's not kylo dragging him out for more reminiscing about her (their?) mother, but hux taking him to interogation. his entire body stiffens with dread before they're even there. he remembers the way down the hall. he remembers the room. he knows what's going to happen next, blow by blow.
he doesn't know if he can handle it again.
regardless of whether or not he knows, it's happening. the familiar sensation of the probe at his temples. a nice refreshing round of electric shock, complete with blacking out and thrashing against the frame of the rack. his jaw already feels stiff and sore. how much time had it been? it could have been a minute or an hour for all he knows. it's all the same.
his vision swims and comes to focus on kylo. kylo here, about to choke out hux? hopefully? he tries to help the process along, because he's a helper.
he offers, loudly:] I can think of more words for him if you need help.
shush with that :*
And yes, the loud, if pained, commentary from Poe is helpful too. Tells her that at least what happened before she got there hadn't been enough to break his mind. If she weren't so furious at the moment she might have cracked an amused smile.
The air is heavy with racing thoughts and various emotions from everyone in the room: panic, anger, fear, determination, conflict, pain, focus. The current thread of pain at least she can filter to the background (but not filter out completely) because she knows who it belongs to.
Multiple things then happen at once. There's a sense of movement to her left just out of her peripheral view, the mind full of anger and determination (likely belonging to Hux) shifts targets, a commotion begins to stir out in the corridor out of sight, and the Force whispers of danger not to herself. Kylo follows her precognition first, casting her right hand out to toss the interrogation droid away from Poe and into the wall just before it triggers another around of shocks. The droid practically shatters under the force of her anger. Within the next moment she's turning on her heel and stepping backward further into the room, leaning back as well, dodging the lunge from the trooper that had been slightly behind and to her left.
After this little incident is through, it appears she would need to investigate just how many Hux had weaseled into following him. All the more reason she needs her Knights, and needs to increase their ranks. ]
"You are unfit to be Supreme Leader!"
[ Kylo would mock the borderline shriek from Hux but she's busy Force choking the trooper who dared come after her and throwing the body in Hux's direction. While Hux manages to move out of the way, it at least has the desired effect of halting him from drawing his blaster. ]
I've tolerated your insubordination for long enough. No longer. No more chances to prove yourself.
"And who's going to lead the fleet then? You? You can't even bring yourself to kill this rebel scum."
[ While one of the remaining troopers in the room has nervously backed toward the wall and lowered their weapon, clearly trying not to associate with the General's mutinous efforts at this point, the other still has their weapon drawn and aims it at her as Hux speaks. Incensed doesn't begin to describe how Kylo feels.
The commotion outside threatens to spill into the room with the muted sound of blaster fire and a body hitting the closed door. Kylo shifts her focus only long enough to determine several of the Knights are dealing with the remainder of the troopers Hux had specifically brought with him. While her gaze only moves for a moment, it's space enough for Hux to draw as well. She senses the trigger pull though, senses both will fire at near the same time. Her lightsaber flares to life and deflects one shot but can't catch both. The best she can do is move as she blocks the shot, catching the other in her shoulder rather than her chest. Pain flares through her like a lightning bolt and though she staggers Kylo remains standing.
A strangled cry comes from the trooper who fired on her as her empty hand grabs the air and then curls into a tight fist, the sound of bones breaking following their cry before the lifeless body drops to the ground. Hux makes to fire on her again and she rips the blaster from his hands. ]
How dare you... [ As she strides toward him Hux scrambles to grab the trooper's dropped blaster, and she flings him into the wall for his effort. ]
"I should have killed you when I had the chance." [ He sputters, making one more effort for a weapon before she reaches him. It's the last thing Hux says as she runs the lightsaber through his chest. Distantly, she can hear someone breathing hard, and it takes her a moment to realize that it's her. Pain. It's the pain, and the dark flowing through her as the Force compensates for the wound that could have killed others.
Movement makes her spin, pointing her saber in its direction, but it's only the lone trooper left alive, shaking against the wall, clearly expecting to be killed next. They're obviously not a threat, but. But. ]
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he can't believe what he's seeing with his eyes. (is he hallucinating?) maybe kylo ren is helping him because of that almost-moment, the sliver of a feeling he pulled out of her. the moment where they both shared their feelings about leia.
or maybe it was just out of pure, simple hatred for hux. he'd take that one, too. hard to blame anyone for that.
a third option presents itself after a delay, his mind slowly sorting itself out after being scrambled. maybe kylo ren was here getting hux out of the way because she wanted the pleasure of torturing him to be solely hers.
or … not? he doesn't know what to make of this. you know what he does know? he knows that he especially doesn't like being a sitting duck strapped to an interrogation rack while this (failed) mutiny attempt goes down. all the commotion going on outside, the hum of kylo's lightsaber, while he just sits and tries to press himself even harder into the rack for cover. (that is not a thing he ever thought he'd do willingly. )
and then it's over. like that. so much happened in what felt like less than a minute. kylo came in, she and hux exchanged words, and now hux was dead.
his attention joins hers as she whips around to look at the previously unnoticed stormtrooper. they were the enemy. the answer to this problem should have been clear. especially from where he was sitting, where kylo ren and, by extension, her knights were more or less on his side?
but it was so …
it just felt wrong. his heart was too soft for this. ]
Leave them alone. C'mon, they're not gonna do anything.
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Still, Poe's words don't go unheard. After a few more moments Kylo lowers her lightsaber but doesn't power it off. ] Drop your weapon. [ The command carries no extra power to it but near immediately their issued blaster clatters to the floor and the trooper makes an effort to stand at attention.
When the door slides open Kylo raises her saber again and shifts position, putting herself between where Poe is and the doorway. The commotion has quieted and it's one of her Knights that enters the room, the same one that alerted her in the first place. ]
"The disloyal troops have been dealt with."
Losses?
"None." [ The Knight surveys the carnage, and the lone surviving trooper. ] "What about this one?"
Have one of the others make sure they report for reconditioning. I'm not going to take any chances. [ She finally powers off her lightsaber and returns it to her belt. ] Send another to search Hux's quarters, he may have been foolish enough to leave a record of those willing to support him. And I want you personally to see that the generals are summoned for a meeting within the hour. I need to determine their loyalty and denote a replacement for Hux.
[ While the Knight ushers the trooper out of the room and leaves to speak to the other Knights in the corridor, Kylo turns her attention at last to Poe. Walking over, she hits the switch to unlock the restraints and gives him a quick once-over. ] Do you feel steady enough to walk? [ The trek to medical will be quicker if she doesn't need to assist him but she will if need be, seeing as she has need to go there herself. Honestly, she wouldn't bother having her shoulder looked at yet but the shot was to the same shoulder Rey hit with the end of the lightsaber (Kylo refused to consider the saber Rey's; it was hers by blood, damn it) which increased the pain and the amount of effort ultimately needed to heal it, provided she didn't solely rely on traditional means. ]
I'M SORRY I TOOK SO LONG 😭 w/ this one and the kaida thread
although, from what he'd heard from finn ... he wasn't sure that reconditioning was that much better of a fate. ]
Uh ... I think so.
[ he pulls himself off the rack, taking a few experimental steps forward. shaky, a little wobbly. but too stubborn to ask for assistance.
instead of asking for assistance, he comes out with the question that had been rolling around his brain for the majority of the fight he had a front row seat to.]
Was all that about me or Hux?
IT'S OK I FORGIVE YOU ❤
His question comes as she's stepping close again and it makes her stop momentarily. Kylo tilts her head slightly as she looks at him, and after a moment's hesitance: ] Both.
[ Before he can protest she slips her left arm around his upper back, flinching only slightly at the pressure to her injured shoulder as she encourages him to lean against her. Perhaps it was unwise but she would take a little extra pain over blocking access to her lightsaber in the event she might yet need it. ]
The sooner we get to medical, the better. I don't suppose you had a chance to notice how many troops Hux had with him?
[ She talks as she moves them toward the door to leave the room. As if this is a totally normal thing for her to be doing. Kylo justifies it to herself in the context of the knights. If one of them were injured she would offer aid, and had in the past. That Poe wasn't yet one of them was just a tiny detail. ]
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No? I dunno if you noticed, but I was kind of busy.
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I thought you might have noticed how many accompanied him to retrieve you. [ No matter, she could sort out if there were others who were indulging in the thought of mutiny with Hux.
The expected signs of a fight greet them in the corridor. Walls marked by blaster fire, a few sparking electrical panels, several troopers and fallen weapons on the ground. One of the Knights still on scene supervises a few other troopers with collection of the bodies. A small group of officers and troops have gathered at one end of the corridor, observing the situation with curiosity and unease.
Kylo and Poe's appearance causes a pause in activity, not unexpected, though Kylo ignores it, addressing the Knight nearest her. ] There's a few more bodies inside. Keep Hux's separate from the others, I'll tend to his disposal myself. [ Seeing him become ash will be almost as satisfying as watching Snoke's body fall to the ground. ]
"General Hux is dead?!"
[ The quiet exclamation comes from one of the officers who looks to almost immediately regret giving voice to their thoughts as it draws Kylo's attention. Her free hand reaches out and while she doesn't Force choke them, she does draw them forward from the group. ]
Yes, General Hux is dead. He disobeyed my direct orders and led a small mutiny attempt, and an attempt on my life. Do you know what the punishment is for mutiny?
"Y-Yes, Supreme Leader." [ The officer stammers out, shaking slightly as the Force holds them halfway between Kylo and the group. ] "The punishment is death."
Did you know anything about what Hux was planning?
[ Their eyes widen and they rapidly shake their head. ] "No, my lord, I had no idea, I swear!"
[ After a tense moment Kylo makes a gesture, releasing them and half pushing them back toward the group. ] Let it be known that any with knowledge of General Hux's treachery who do not confess to it will meet the same fate he has. To betray me is to betray the First Order. Am I understood?
[ A small chorus of "Yes, Supreme Leader" comes from the group, and the working troopers, who stand at attention as they reply.
Satisfied with the display -- and not sensing any untoward thoughts from those gathered -- Kylo turns at last to begin leading them toward medical. As she does so she casts a glance at Poe. ] If you feel like you might pass out, don't worry. I've carried heavier.
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I'm not gonna pass out. [ said with all the certainty of a first grader. he's not going to pass out, so don't worry about it. he doesn't move away from her, though. his huffiness isn't actually a sign of feeling better. just stubborn.
as he takes in what's happening around him (only able to process about half of it, realistically), he comments: ]
Looks like Hux had as many friends in the First Order as he did in the Resistance. [ followed by a snort of a laugh to himself. is that really what's happening or just his skewed perception of reality?? ? ]
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[ And she would ask how much he had endured this time around before her arrival if she thought he'd be able to tell her. She supposes she could have checked the droid's records but, well, it was a pile of scrap metal now. ]
Likely, yes. He possessed a certain ruthless ambition, it's a great deal of why Snoke kept him around. [ It's also why Kylo had never trusted Hux for a moment. The fact he was always happy to try and show her up when they were both dealing with Snoke didn't help matters. ]
He also tended to clash with the old guard left over from the Empire, but there aren't a terrible amount of them left. [ Another glance at Poe, given he was partially to 'blame' for that. Kylo was never particularly upset about that, apart from the loss of experience. And okay, those who had served the Empire did tend to show a bit more respect for a force user in their midst, but she was getting by just fine with fearful respect from others. ]
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but it's okay. if he can focus on hux, he doesn't have to focus on all the pain he's feeling right now. ]
So ... what? It's just you now? Nobody left standing in your way? You're the First Order.
[ it's an honest question. he doesn't really know the finite workings of the first order. but he does know that snoke is gone, hux is gone ... who else is there for kylo to answer to? ]
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[ It doesn't occur to her how easily conversing with him comes. As far as most on the ship were concerned Poe was nothing more than a prisoner, certainly not someone she would give aid to or speak so openly with. Only the Knights knew of her plans; it wasn't necessary for anyone else to know. If Hux had known? She imagines he would have made more of an effort to kill Poe rather than just torture him. ]
So yes, I control the First Order, and by proxy control what the First Order owns or has control of. [ Ships, star systems, governments. Granted, a few of the military contracts were yet shaky given some who dealt with Snoke weren't as keen on dealing with her, but she was working on it. To say there was quite a bit more on her plate than there had been when she simply lead the Knights of Ren was an understatement.
When they at last arrive at the nearest medical bay there's a small flurry of confusion and concern from the non-droid staff; news of the fight with Hux was traveling fast. ]
He needs treated for electro shock, I'm not certain what else. [ She informs the staff, only removing her arm from around him once he's seated. Her wince at the movement draws attention as much as the wound itself though she basically ignores the staff hovering around her as she moves to perch on the neighboring cot. Kylo rips off the sleeve of her top for easier access to the wound and waves off some of the staff. ] It's only a single blaster shot, just patch it up for now. I'm more concerned about his condition.
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sneaks in a reply before bed
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i like how i tried to keep this short and ended up rambling about a different subject lol
👌
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this is a wonderful surprise ❤
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sends you the customary novella to transition to a new scene
apparently i completely lost this tag?!
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