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WISH LIST
★ my dark au kink:
+ being captured by the first order and subjected to reconditioning
+ trying to turn him back with the power of gay love and friendship (and possibly failing)
+ he was always a first order tie fighter pilot instead of winter soldiered
+ poe and finn first order murder squad (dynamics if they were both stormtroopers? running away together?)
+ ^ part b: the fam that gets captured and reconditioned together… stays…together…
+ Interesting Dynamics with kylo and hux from dark aus
★ finn stuff
+ what will they do after the war? romantic vacations? homesteading? sending finn's spit to space 23andme?
+ infinite escape reimagining/aus, stormpilot escape room reigning champions
★ rey stuff
+ relationship of convenience because they're both In Denial
+ sith princess rey aus where he tries to save her and/or she turns him
★ kylo stuff
+ infinite interrogating/torture room reimagining/aus
+ ^ part b: stockholm syndrome?
+ We Need to Talk about Leia
★ general
+ honestly anything regarding leia (esp processing grief post-tros)
+ talking about his sketchy spice runner past (possibly playing things taking place during that time in his life?)
+ ^ same for things taking place during academy/new republic tbh
+ i love aus. modern aus, vampire aus, a/b/o aus, let's au the entire world
+ i prefer m/m for poe but am good with most ships
kinks if ya nasty
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finn is working on his okayness assessment. he has to do up all the pros and cons. like pros, poe is letting him do this at all. poe is warm. better than the floor. between poe and door in case someone does try to start shit. liberal usage of general "is this okay" terms. poe is, he's starting to think, nowhere near subtle enough to be doing this to try to get laid.
cons: ?? Something Will Probably Be Bad Eventually and he doesn't know what. maybe one day his brain will cooperate with him again and let him detail exactly what it is he's always positive is gonna happen. but it's not today. ]
It's okay.
[ he doesn't feel safer, but safer's not the idea anyway. even if he doesn't sleep and thinks about his life, he can do it in comfort.
i say like he's not way overdue for a depression nap and on the one-track road to taking it. ]
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okay. it's all okay. everything is fine. he tries to let himself relax. really relax, not just blank out into sleep from lack of anything else worth doing. buries his face against finn's back. he smells like ... well, actually, probably not that great, realistically, but he's warm and solid and something. alive. that's all that matters.
i wonder who's gonna freak out and push the other out of bed first!!!! ]
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warm and alive are... good things. objectively. finn doesn't put any of his valuable stock towards trying to relax in this situation. he's like, if i fall asleep i'll relax when i'm done with the consciousness thing probably. and that's good enough. so his approach is more of a close his eyes, wait for the sleep void to take him. if it happens, it happens.
but he will get there. eventually. at least as far as dozing town. ]
SURPRISE i didn't forget this it just needed to marinate
some time passes. not like years, but it's been a couple weeks. their situation remains stable but not great. but they're still scraping along. digging through garbage to find compatible parts for the ship. there's no news from the first order or the resistance. no one sniffing around for either of them.
there's a sort of sadness that hits poe deep when he thinks about the resistance. he is 90 percent sure everyone thinks he's dead by now. went off on his stupid, too-crazy-to-work rescue mission and didn't come back. he's not arrogant enough to be like "ah how will the resistance ever go on without me," but thinking about his squadron ... leia ... it hurts. they had to have told his dad, too. all those people mourning him. that was a whole other thing.
he'd ran through the possibilities. bb-8 could send messages back to the resistance. he doesn't exist in a void. he definitely could have hitchhiked home by now. it seemed less dangerous with time. they ran away from the first order and survived??
but he hadn't. the send message command was at the tip of his tongue but never outside his mouth. he chose to be selfish for once in his entire life, and now he had this thing he was terrified of losing. asking the resistance to come meant risking drawing attention to them, and even if they got off coruscant ... what would the resistance do to finn? not trust him the way poe had, probably. too much of a liability. he didn't want him to be locked up somewhere. if something happened, meltdown and lashing out-wise, he was okay with being the only casualty. still ready to take a blaster to the chest and whisper "thank you" as he died.
this was the same thought spiral he'd run through the first couple days. the whole "i'll stay with you / no i won't but you can stay on yavin 4 if you want / wait no i'll stay with you after all." he hasn't made much ground with it at all. the fact that he was struggling instead of just yeeting back seemed like choice enough. he recognized that.
but. finn.
so, he has here. he has corcuscant and finn. and he should be happy with what he has. finn's free instead of locked up on a first order ship. they get to share a twin bed together. he gets to hear finn's breathing and know that he's alive and here. no one's taking finn back. if faced with the choice again, he'd pick this path over and over every time.
but he still wants to touch him. and talk to him. he wants to tell him the entirety of his feelings but it never seems like it'll be enough. not enough to mean anything. or maybe too much. maybe he'll die with them. that seems to be the path he's heading towards. when you kidnap your true love and are still working your way beyond handholding and friendly spooning. ]
It won't be long now.
[ he's pretty upbeat. conversational. he's come back from some upper levels with food. he sets a bag down on the table (?? i guess they have a table) and pulls out a pear to bite into. ]
It'll be good. We'll get to Yavin 4, and I can show you everything. There's all this jungle. And an old Resistance base. And, uh, my house. Obviously.
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finn's been collecting a small stockpile of trust cheetos between doing whatever he needs to to help with repair stuff. he has at least five of these metaphorical bad boys now. and maybe it can't be said he's relaxing into feeling safe, or feeling like things are gonna really turn out okay somehow. maybe it's not always the smoothest living, and sometimes they trade off being frayed at the edges. there are a lot of maybes. life is a whole complicated deal.
but he's slowly sort of... keeping his fingers on the pulse of poe 1) being good and 2) caring about what happens to him. all the trust cheetos are very firmly poe-centric. if anything happened to poe he'd kill everyone in the dump and then himself, etc. and he definitely hasn't tried to yeet out again.
i like to imagine their fancy new table is a door from some other junk ship balanced on top of cinder blocks. it's like a deserted island fanfic come to life. there are probably real tables out there though, waiting to get picked up and badly repaired. it's star wars, anything can happen. ]
I feel like it would be weird if you didn't include your house. [ would he dare to question it if poe was like "and that's all of yavin 4 let's get back to our junk ship twin bed thanks pal"? well yeah but he probably wouldn't push too hard. like, maybe poe doesn't want him to meet this mysterious father or something. finn can't judge for that.
but luckily poe put it on the pretty-upbeat list so he could just state his Opinion on that right out of the gate. turn a space banana over in his hands or whatever. ]
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if he eats his pear real hard, he doesn't have to immediately reply to that deserved roast. part of their pinterest decor is a chalkboard counting off how many days poe dameron has went without sticking his foot in his mouth. (zero. it's zero days as of right now and probably also this morning.) ]
Yeah, well ... [ he doesn't have a good comeback. so he eats more pear. ] I meant to include it. It'll be good. [ you literally just said that fam. ] ... Do you want your own room? When we're there. 'Cause you could have one. If you wanted. I know there's not a lot of space on here. You could have my room.
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finn also goes to town on some fruit to avoid saying words for a little bit. who has two thumbs and never really thought ahead to the rooms thing? this guy. houses who? he doesn't know them. not that he's been trying to do a ton of thinking ahead at all.
thinking too far ahead in specific terms turned into a real one way road to panic town. he's been sort of like, i'd rather skip that whole thing and avoid the awkwardness of having to sit in the breakdown room for an hour.
this conversational route is at least supported by the foundations of basic trust they've been workshopping. it's been known. it's been a whole certain thing. gonna go to poe's home planet. moon. whatever. this is just furthering the known. knowing even more of what they're in for, if they make it there.
so yeah he's using his chewing to realize he hasn't. totally figured out if poe prefers space and alone time when it's not right in the middle of depression nation. he's done worked out that this isn't a super weird sexual favors thing by now. and poe is a touchy sort of person, most of the time. but it's hard to know what someone does for necessity until it stops being necessary. has he secretly been imposing this whole time.
finn years from now at their literal wedding: did he cry during the ceremony out of obligation. no probably not.
instead of answering, he offers a question in return. ]
Do you want your own room?
[ excellent. very sly.
he hates empty rooms and being alone, and the prospect of sleeping alone in an empty room in a house he doesn't know on a moon he doesn't know sounds awful. he hates that already. but if poe was like, "honestly yeah no offense but i'm looking forward to having bed space," he'd suck it up. he would probably try to make himself learn to tolerate sleeping on hot coals if poe went in for that.
gotta be willing to compromise for the bae. the only actual person he knows. ]
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however, he had not gotten to the chapter where he goes in for the smooch like "i know you don't remember the wild adventures we had but now i've had more wild adventures with you than i did with finn 1.0 and literally none of my feelings have changed."
but that's. a lot. he's still not so sure finn wouldn't shove him away and bolt back up a few coruscant levels, despite there being no evidence of him ever wanting to do that again since the day one incident.
feelings never stop being scary: the big mood.
ANYWAY — now he has to actually dig up a coherent answer to that question out of the trash of his galaxy brain. come on, self. you can do this. don't stick your foot in your mouth again, as you are so wont to do. ]
I want my room with you in it. [ ??? oh no he started digging some kind of innuendo hole again right out the gate ] I just mean — I'm used to you now. Being around you. My bed at home is bigger, though, you know. So … if you wanted to do that. But you don't have to.
[ nailed it ]
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every time poe tells him he doesn't have to do something that he already, in theory, knows he probably doesn't have to do, finn's heart grows three sizes. that's real. just the sort of... level of thoughtfulness in it. even if he never seems to think much before he talks.
finn would really like to keep him. ]
I don't mind. Sharing. It's not-- [ the next big ticket item on the to-buy list is a thesaurus for communicating better, maybe. finn leaves it dangling for a second, kinda lets himself meander back around to it the longer way. healthy people being healthy in the garbage house. he cautiously ventures back with: ] I don't like it too quiet.
[ poe is a lot of things. quiet is not one of those things. it's a little more grounding to have him there. ]
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he spends that whole second finn spends trying to settle on words ceasing to breath. "it's not" WHAT, finn elizabeth? what if that's a lead to a but statement with a bad end to it? the catastrophic thinking is alive and well in the chili's tonight.
but it's fine. whew. that sure was close. (was it??) ]
Me either. [ the agreement comes out a little bit like a sigh of relief. which is an embarrassment, but, you know. they've lived together for like two weeks so what is embarrassment really? ]
I don't like it quiet, either. [ he smirks a little. here he goes. here he goes being stupid. ] It's a good thing you snore.
[ he could be 100% bullshitting that to get a rise out of finn. in fact, that's probably exactly what he's doing. ]
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what a fucking..... guy. i could try to say that poe totally doesn't get exactly what he wants out of that Absolute Slander, but it would be lying. finn takes the full face journey from confused to offended right in front of him. how?? dare????? ]
I don't snore.
[ he tries to say it in a very cool self-assured way. like "you can't get me on that bc i know i don't snore lmao". it fails because he's busy sounding offended. he's just sitting there with his space fruit like 20 minutes from now he might open the door and just go sNOOOOORE?!?! ray holt style. ]
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How would you know? You're not awake to hear it.
[ he's so hype for this playful flirt banter. it's like he's been waiting for it since he was born. ]
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[ how do you argue against flagrant untruths!! he's not sure. poe looks really pleased with himself and it's gross. ]
If I'm waking you up with noise, maybe it's because you keep touching me with your cold feet.
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no, flirty banter is fun but maybe not exactly what he wants right now. unfulfilling. like doritos for dinner. his attempt to veer away from sincerity with levity was not as successful as he decided it was going to be.
maybe it's Time. it wasn't Time when he woke up this morning and went to a different level to trade scrap metal for one whole pear, but he knows that it's Time when he looks at finn's big dumb face and feels a lot of big dumb something. even when his face is bickering with him.
especially when his face is bickering with him.
he should go for it. no doubt he's practiced speeches to bb-8 while digging through garbage for their chic things-that-can-pass-for-furniture. does he remember any of them now? no. but that's not important. ]
I don't mind the snoring though. So it's not a dealbreaker. We can still ... stay sharing. Yeah.
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poe's face definitely just did some kind of Thing. he got to watch it in full motion. the softening 2.0. finn's not always sure that's good, but there's something weirdly comforting about being able to watch poe's face do things. no helmets, all emotional broadcasting. his brain almost definitely couldn't make up a face like that, a thing he decided at 4am one time when he was having another round of being legitimately concerned about that very possibility. ]
Okay.
[ okay, maybe there's still a little "does that mean we're done flirt-guing now" confusion hanging around in there. a little cautious hedging. he's not super worried that he Ruined Everything by arguing about poe's cold feet because poe followed up with the "we can share" affirmation, though. so his shoulders manage to relax some. ]
Good. Sharing's better. [ he trusts literally one person in this entire galaxy and it's just better to keep that whole one person within ten feet of him at all times when possible. he doesn't see an issue here. ] You okay?
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it's probably not taking advantage anymore. he'd like to hope. there was a whole time lapse. ]
Yeah. [ right. they were having a whole conversation outside of his head. he jd-ed out again. ]
I wanna — just …
[ he doesn't know how to do big actual romantic declarations, so he skips it and goes in for a kiss. he did it's he's doing it. can't go back now. ]
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all of finn's impulses and brain cells and body cells are slamming the gas pedal on "this is something that should be happening that you want to be happening." finn doesn't strictly hop right aboard the kissing-back train, though. it's not a disinterest thing, it's a surprise thing. like, a waiting for poe to change his mind about it for some reason thing. thinking about how nice it is thing.
which strands him in his own jd-ed processing zone until probably whatever point poe thinks "maybe that was not a good plan???" and starts pulling back.
in the spirit of the wise head-touching meme man: poe can't walk out of the ship very fast if finn death-grips the front of his shirt. he would like poe here in the mouth vicinity if poe would actually like to be in said vicinity. not just so he can look at poe's mouth, which he obviously does. but also so he can stare at poe's face in general like he is unlocking a lot of very vital mysteries. ]
I didn't think you were interested.
[ poe: uproots and derails his entire life to rescue him, does everything he can to help him out and keep him tethered to actual reality when things get Rough. is very good and handsome and nice and tries to be super patient, basically promises to retire to a nice ranch and live together for the foreseeable future, where they can both keep being around each other and try to be careful with each other. makes it very clear by being himself that he is not a dubconing creeper. the best loving and supportive bf material that anyone could be in these trying au times. literally kisses him.
finn, who was infatuated within a week of coming back from his half of the dramatic sad montage to poe still wanting him here: he probably means it As Friends bc he thinks i'm a baby with a swiss cheese brain where his friend once used to be, and i should respect that... :( even though he's literally the most important person in the galaxy and i would dramatically dive off of a garbage cliff if something happened to him. 1300 word youtube montage emo fanfic about it.
it's maybe not the most romantic first sentence. ]
You're, uh. You sure you're interested?
[ finn fails his bluff roll on trying not to sound hopeful. he doesn't have a fursona, he now canonically has a neon sign-sona. the sign says "dear poe dameron please really be interested in kissing me love finn 2.0."
don't @ him!!! he doesn't do take-backs. he wants to be fully on the same page before he yeets past the take-back-able point. ]
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it's a relief. a giant rush. like a poorly built dam made of popsicle sticks breaking to let all his feelings out.
it's okay. finn likes him and it's okay to like him back and life can stop feeling victorian novel-level repressed even though, again, they spoon on a twin bed every night. MAYBE NOW THEY CAN DO THINGS BESIDES SPOON. no, dameron, get ahold of yourself. take things one step at a time. right now he gets to kiss him and that's a whole canteen in this affection desert. ]
I didn't want you to feel trapped into being with me.
[ or for him to run away again. because the first time it happened, it almost broke him. all he's wanted… the whole time … is finn's happiness. gay. ]
I've been interested the whole time. … I mean, I came to save you because I loved you. Even when I wasn't supposed to. But then … everything was different, and I didn't want…
I didn't know if it was a good idea to say that.
[ he tried so hard. do you know how hard it is for poe to restrain literally any thought in his brain. and he's been out here for weeks just trying his best. ]
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this is extremely gay. they get to be Soft. his favorite mood is Soft. poe really is an angel without wings and the source of all the good things in the galaxy. take that to the bank. ]
It's better that you waited. There was a lot going on. [ well look he's not gonna lie about it. poe did a good by living his restrained life for so long. because finn is pretty sure if they went straight into "i loved you" territory with no stops on the way, it would have gone way off the rails.
this timeline got 4% better.
anyway more waiting is for idiots, he's going back in for another one. kissing hours are open. ]