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WISH LIST

★ my dark au kink:
+ being captured by the first order and subjected to reconditioning
+ trying to turn him back with the power of gay love and friendship (and possibly failing)
+ he was always a first order tie fighter pilot instead of winter soldiered
+ poe and finn first order murder squad (dynamics if they were both stormtroopers? running away together?)
+ ^ part b: the fam that gets captured and reconditioned together… stays…together…
+ Interesting Dynamics with kylo and hux from dark aus

★ finn stuff
+ what will they do after the war? romantic vacations? homesteading? sending finn's spit to space 23andme?
+ infinite escape reimagining/aus, stormpilot escape room reigning champions

★ rey stuff
+ relationship of convenience because they're both In Denial
+ sith princess rey aus where he tries to save her and/or she turns him

★ kylo stuff
+ infinite interrogating/torture room reimagining/aus
+ ^ part b: stockholm syndrome?
+ We Need to Talk about Leia

★ general
+ honestly anything regarding leia (esp processing grief post-tros)
+ talking about his sketchy spice runner past (possibly playing things taking place during that time in his life?)
+ ^ same for things taking place during academy/new republic tbh
+ i love aus. modern aus, vampire aus, a/b/o aus, let's au the entire world
+ i prefer m/m for poe but am good with most ships

kinks if ya nasty

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Precisely.

[ she smiles. that's the first time he's sounded like himself. it's just the surface, just the hint of it, but it's there and real. he'll come back to himself. he'll settle in, and it will be like before. ]

It's going to take all of us to hold this ship together. To keep it flying straight. Ah, here— [ she stops in front of a set of double doors. the aurebesh over them reads 'TRAINING CENTER.' it's like balamb garden ok. ] Finn should be here.

[The large room is mostly empty as they come in, besides the small group on the far side of the room.

Finn doesn't want to be here, but he also doesn't want to leave. Foolishly, he's still clinging to the idea that, if he sticks around long enough, he'll figure out how to snap Rey out of all of this. He still thinks the Resistance will show up to save the day.

He doesn't know the war is already over, hasn't accepted that it already is.

He remembers when Rey went down to try and finish things, though. She'd promised to let Poe live; it was the one thing that Finn couldn't live with, if he died and left him to this task all by himself. Try as he might, he couldn't best Kylo Ren in combat, and he couldn't bring himself to try and hurt Rey, as if she would even let him.

So as he waits, he's given himself the one task that doesn't weight heavy on his conscious; he's teaching the younger troopers-in-training some self-defense.

A small group of kids stand opposite him, them with a makeshift practice blade, and him with a plastic shield to block. He lets them come at him, over and over, pushing aside their attacks with ease, yelling orders and attack as they do their best to follow along.

It's not wrong to teach a bunch of kids how to defend themselves, right?]

Come on! Again!

[He doesn't even hear them coming in or crossing the distance toward him.]

[as soon as he sees finn, it's almost like he's himself again. his excitement is genuine — he never thought he'd see him again, after all. he wrenches free of rey's handholding in favor of running towards finn for a hug. just seeing him, knowing he was okay ... it made everything a little easier. the rough and jagged parts of him were smoothed out.]

Finn! Buddy! [welcome to your big gay hug.] I'm so — I didn't think I'd — I missed you.

[you know what he's gonna do about that? he's gonna stop laying on finn's chest, shift back up to meet his face, and ... kiss him. but also tease him. out of love.]

As opposed to what? Making everything Wookiee?

Edited 2018-01-25 02:04 (UTC)

[ some part of her feels guilt creeping on as she watches poe hurry to finn, offering him an embrace. the bigger part of her just wonders if finn will realize how she won poe over. it was the only hope she had of getting him to fully commit to this, bringing both of them on board; she would never have one without the other.

once, she had felt some chagrin, recognizing that she would never be to finn what poe was. but what they had, that was good too. different, but still good.

now it too had become a tool, a circumstance for her to weigh and consider. that was thrawn's influence. ]

We found him on Crait.

[ a mixture of emotions wells up in him. he doesn't have the words for all of them.

he thinks that can't just be true, it can't all be something poe can promise as easy as that. he thinks this is a war and he's not on the same side. or not. not the same way.

he thinks, weirdly, that poe can't just leave?

but it's hard not to be touched, deeply and sincerely. it's impossible. ]

Even I know the Resistance is bigger than one person, Poe.

[ it covers both fronts. the fact that poe can't just make that call about not keeping him when there are other people with more of a hand in the decision-making process.

and the fact that one stormtrooper, no matter who they are or who they were or what they've done, cannot logistically be worth abandoning a rebellion for. it doesn't add up. ]

[ banishes him to the couch for a week

but like. after he gets his kiss. priorities. ]

I'm sure you wish you were that articulate.

[i mean he probably deserves the couch. he wouldn't think so but he's a giant jerk whose opinion doesn't count so. he kisses finn again before continuing like maybe if he kisses him in-between teasing he won't get shoved away. it's a bold strategy, cotton, let's see if it pays off for him.]

Maybe. What does that even mean?

[ this is unfair. how can one man function at these critical levels of sweet and salty. finn kisses him back because he does what he wants. he still sounds vaguely salty.

when isn't he vaguely salty tho. in fact, he's going out of his way to poke poe on the forehead. ]

It means that's the last time I tell you I like anything about you, Poe Dameron.

[ or that he's breaking up with you to date chewie. ]

[i can't believe he went for the forehead poke. they are a legit anime. poe has to go put some toast in his mouth and run because he's late for anime school. jk he's still laying here, trying not to laugh.]

No, c'mon! I'm serious! I don't know what you mean!

[Finn hears Poe's voice and he's already standing straight from his semi-crouch. The kid is asking him a question, but he isn't really listening anymore, turning and throwing the shield aside so he can open up his arms before the other man reaches him.

Big gay hug returned.

It's a relief, seeing him. But there's mixed emotions there, because he knows that if Poe is here, it's probably over. He wouldn't have come quietly.]

I missed you too.

[His grip is tight and he doesn't seem to even want to let go, but he looks at Rey over Poe's shoulder, meeting her gaze.]

Thank you.

[For not letting him die.]

Well, it's too late! Now I have to take it to my grave.

[ finn says, probably like 4 seconds before he gets so huffy that he explains anyway??? NO CHILL NO CHILL

when ur #petty but not enough to actually shove your bf off of you. it's that kind of anime life. ]

[ yeah it's okay poe doesn't seem to want to let go, either. maybe they'll just hug forever. that's fine.

finn's words — clearly not directed at him — make him glance back at rey. confused for a second, but then not. he gets it. ]

You kept me alive because Finn asked you to.

[ not an accusation, like it might have been before. just a question disguised as a statement.

(before, he might have taken it as a sign that there was still some good in her. but he knows she needed a general, so it was probably coincidentally in line with what she'd wanted all along. recruiting him and keeping finn in line.) ]

[he sighs dramatically and rolls off of finn, laying beside him instead of on top of him.]

Then I guess I'll just die first. [he puts his forearm over his eyes like he plans on dying right there. drama queen.]

[ finn's words may not seem like much — obvious, even. but to rey they mean everything. they make it worthwhile, doing this. they help her see that she has done it, reached what she has waited for all this time. it's going to be alright. they're going to help her.

so when poe speaks up, she's ready for it. ]

Not only.

[ and it's not a lie — she of course cared for him as well. that could not go ignored. ]

But … [ she smiles. ] It's good to see the two of you happy. [ it's all she wants — this, what they have together, but made possible the galaxy wide. ]

[he purses his lips like how dare you point out the giant gaping hole in the 12 percent of a plan he just came up with. but it's fine. it's fine. it's good that he called him out. now he has to think about what his next fuckery move would look like in this potential situation. time to lay some cards on the table. basically all the cards. they're all going on the table. except for like one.]

The only person who outranks me at this point is General Organa. And she ... she really liked you. I don't think she would want you to stay with us if you weren't happy. Maybe, I don't know. [he shakes his head. he doesn't know anything.]

I know I'm going to get in trouble for this. Taken down a few rankings, probably. Everyone'll be happy to see you, but the general will be less happy with me about how you got there. And, I know you don't know me that well now, so I'm gonna be clear. The Resistance is everything to me. I'd do anything for the Resistance. But I'd do anything for you, too. I already did this. This is going AWOL. If I already did it once, then ... I don't know. I just know that I can't let anything happen to you again.

[There's a sour feeling deep in his gut, the way she smiles clenches a fist around his chest, making it harder to breathe.

Because, for just a moment, it almost felt like it used to be.

And then he remembers where they are.

He finally pulls back from the hug, turning his head towards the kids to yell-]

You're dismissed. Head back to your rooms and wait for further instructions.

[They all start to head off without another word, and he turns back to Poe, giving him his full attention.]

I didn't think she'd get you to agree to come.

[ he shakes his head, unable or unwilling to think about the circumstances that led him to be here. why had he tried so hard? been so angry? wasted so much time and energy? it was easier to just not. don't look back.

he turns his attention back to finn, running his fingers down the length of his arm before taking his hand. like if they weren't touching, he might disappear. ]

Well, you know, I was tired of being on the losing side. How much do you have to lose before you realize there's no point to it? For me, everything, I guess. I never have known when to quit. But it's okay, you know? Because I have you. And the three of us are gonna fix everything.

[ his tone is so removed and casual. it's ... not good. this is not poe dameron. ]

[ this cavalier dismissal curdles her blood — it's not the guilt she had been feeling before. this is something else. dread? yes. this is recognition of the fact that finn, too, will spot it for what it is, and recognize that poe is too laissez-faire about this whole thing. ]

We're going to build a brighter galaxy. Together.

[ she believes that. her conviction, at least, is powerful. powerful enough that she would strip poe of much of his self to do it. what else would be gone? what else would be different because of what she had done?

there's nothing productive down that road, so rey abandons it as she has always done with fruitless yearning. they have a purpose. that's worth more. ]

My hope was that we could show Poe around and get him comfortable.

[ now he has to be naked and mildly offended AND cold??? this is the nightmare scenatio. poe has personally wounded him. finn starts considering his flop over onto poe instead options.

anyway poe will die first over his dead body. they would both spend a lot of time shoving each other to try and catch a grenade and sacrifice themselves first, probably.

some couples are just like hey race you to the elevator. ]

Not sure exactly how it fixes your problem. [ s i g h. ] Can I try again?

[it's true. forget the elevator, they're placing race you to the grenade because neither can resist the urge to be a big damn hero. he slooowly lifts his arm from over his eyes. maybe he'll choose life today. maybe.]

I'll allow it.

[he is trying s-so hard to be serious but you can tell he's trying not to laugh. what a dummy.]

[ this is an unfathomable level of commitment. well maybe not completely hard to picture, in ways that run parallel with everything in his head that he's been rewired not to brush up against.

he's not worth this. there isn't even enough of him to know what to do about it, and every time he stops thinking for a little while it just comes back again full-force, a tense, terrible itch beneath his skin. there's something wrong with him, there's always been something-- even as a cadet, even when he was supposed to be part of a greater unified purpose, he never fit right, something inside him wasn't made right.

all the high scores in the galaxy couldn't fix it. the fact that he's here means reconditioning couldn't even fix it. he's not worth this. ]

Did I understand you at all before, or have you always made no sense as a person?

[ he'd stood in front of captain phasma once and said we're only as strong as our weakest link. tried to use it to justify going back for slip in a simulation, for helping him keep up and stay focused when he would inevitably fall behind. we're only as strong as our weakest link, he'd thought, and it makes us stronger to bolster it.

what finn knows now, what reconditioning could fix, is that his old idea of strengthening his team was foolish and misguided. a weak link is a weak link. if it breaks off-- if it gets itself captured and reprocessed, if it's so much of a liability to even attempt to retrieve it that someone has to go AWOL in their own half-cocked attempt-- then any unit is objectively improved by letting it stay behind. slip was a liability to his fire team. finn, apparently, is a liability to the entire resistance, and to poe on a personal level.

he feels nauseous when he thinks it. he doesn't know why. ]

[ finn punches him on the shoulder and gets up to find his pants, the end. not really. there's probably a reality where he did though.

with his dignity on the line, clearly, and miffed that poe thinks this is funny, wow! rude! poe!!!!!! finn has no choice but to take this re-do very, very seriously. and that much is legit, this is beyond in-the-moment sappiness and getting blindsided by mister meteor showers. he's not practiced in being romantic, but he can sure as hell be genuine and honest and take everything way too seriously out of spite.

finn purses his lips in thought and keeps his eyes on the ceiling. ]

I like that you gave me a name and still asked me if I was okay with it. I like that I spent five minutes stealing a ship with you and I felt more like a person than I ever thought I could. I like that you're good. I like that you try to see good things.

[ finn turns to look at him again with his eyebrows up like "okay how's that, jerkwad." SHOULD HE LOOK KIND OF CONFRONTATIONAL WHILE HE'S TRYING TO DO A ROMANCE? god probably not but he fucking does. he'd hate to have to pvp poe over this right now. ]

I like that I make you think of meteor showers.

[ so THERE??? ]

[first, he sits up. and then he stops looking like he's going to laugh one sentence in. and then he looks kind of awestruck and like he's melting from the inside. he does good things purely on principle, because it's the Right Thing to Do. he gave finn a name because he deserved to have a name. but knowing that the things he just does mean so much to finn, is a lot. it's overwhelming and he's going to die. he can't laugh or make witty retorts or do anything besides just sit there.

so uh, you won, finn. congrats. he can't even laugh at the meteor shower comment at the end. he's overloaded with feelings.]

Finn, that's ... that's — wow. I — thank you.

[also, why wasn't his love confession that good? now he wants to re-do his. because of course he does. he's not going to but he will throw this in.]

I like that you're good, too. You're always so good. I meant it when I said I think you're the best person I know.

[ despite himself, that makes him laugh. because it's such a quintessentially finn reaction and yeah, he knows he deserves to be laughed at because he's kind of ridiculous. their lives are pretty ridiculous right now. ]

I think I used to make more sense at some point, maybe. But maybe not.

[ not the best question for someone whose life is spiraling out of control, okay. ]

I don't know what I'm doing. I know that much. I thought this would turn out one way, and it's something else. I'm just trying to keep up. But … it'll work out. Everything's gonna work out.

[ he feels bad explaining things to finn? he didn't want him to know how lost and confused he was feeling, because if he could be the one who had everything together, finn could just depend on him and then he would have everything together. because that's how leadership works. to him personally. in theory. but talking about it ... actually made him feel a little better? less alone. funny how that works.

on that note, they have food now. the waitress has to take a break from live tweeting their relationship to serve them. it's cool. everything is cool. poe is going to prove how cool everything is by eating like ah yes eating food my favorite activity. also, like, maybe he was hungry. ]

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