![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
open post
☒ action ☒ text ☒ picture prompts ☒ overflow ☒ etc
WISH LIST
★ my dark au kink:
+ being captured by the first order and subjected to reconditioning
+ trying to turn him back with the power of gay love and friendship (and possibly failing)
+ he was always a first order tie fighter pilot instead of winter soldiered
+ poe and finn first order murder squad (dynamics if they were both stormtroopers? running away together?)
+ ^ part b: the fam that gets captured and reconditioned together… stays…together…
+ Interesting Dynamics with kylo and hux from dark aus
★ finn stuff
+ what will they do after the war? romantic vacations? homesteading? sending finn's spit to space 23andme?
+ infinite escape reimagining/aus, stormpilot escape room reigning champions
★ rey stuff
+ relationship of convenience because they're both In Denial
+ sith princess rey aus where he tries to save her and/or she turns him
★ kylo stuff
+ infinite interrogating/torture room reimagining/aus
+ ^ part b: stockholm syndrome?
+ We Need to Talk about Leia
★ general
+ honestly anything regarding leia (esp processing grief post-tros)
+ talking about his sketchy spice runner past (possibly playing things taking place during that time in his life?)
+ ^ same for things taking place during academy/new republic tbh
+ i love aus. modern aus, vampire aus, a/b/o aus, let's au the entire world
+ i prefer m/m for poe but am good with most ships
kinks if ya nasty
no subject
[ finn, even without all the Good Shit like memories, is still a petty bi. he was immediately prepared for rats. he's also kind of trying out the tread carefully vibe, even if he's not 100% sure what he's trying to step around or anything. he would probably die for poe and this has gone from "nice person giving me a ride i don't deserve, get to resistance, immediately bounce" to "okay i don't want to make him upset and it's up to me to not say Even More super negative shit that keeps making him upset, i guess, since we're both adults."
and then maybe get to the resistance and immediately bounce, he's not sure. he's just trying his best on this bitch of a planet. ]
Doesn't really matter. [ he can do this. he's......... a casual man. ] I think most rooms are just rooms. So that's. Fine.
no subject
If you don't want — [ he doesn't know how to say "i don't even want to let you out of my eyesight at this point in time because i am dealing with a lot of Issues." ] You could stay with me in my room for a little while. Unless you want to be alone. There's not a lot to do around here. Besides work on the ship. If you wanna do that.
[ hopefully he doesn't because then poe would have to admit to himself that he did 0 percent of work on his vacation down into the abyss. ]
no subject
finn appreciates that poe is a disaster of different calibre but equal magnitude. even if he hasn't technically consciously 100% figured out that that's a thing that's going on. poe says stuff like "i'm scared" or "idk what i'm doing" but like. it's a whole thing.
finn open book lastname strikes again, ftr, because his whole face is pretty much like oh hey literally the last thing i want in the world right now is to be alone and he's just throwing Not Alone onto the table, how is he even still... this nice... ]
You wouldn't mind?
[ welcome to sad gay hell vol. 1 of 2. ]
no subject
No! [ too enthusiastic. tone it down. ] No. [ he's never been much for lying — or very good at being anything other than direct. so he just lays his cards down on the table. says it how it is. ] I don't want to be alone. It's been lonely around here.
[ bb-8 beeps indignantly because poe wasn't alone and he cannot believe. poe glances over at him like i also cannot believe my son is trying to ruin my moment. ] Come on, BB, you know what I mean. I don't do well with quiet. Or alone.
[ on that note, he's just gonna ... wander towards his room. by taking a few steps i guess. it's not exactly a mansion over here. new and exciting things to note are that while one panel of the door is still stuck in closed position, bb-8 cut out the lower half of it and basically made himself a doggy door. he really brought his a-game to this episode of extreme home makeover. ]
no subject
Neither do I.
[ see, he can also say an honest thing that's not an argument. ]
I'm too used to barracks.
[ how do u sleep alone and without the sound of at least one other person snoring or rolling over or whatever. can't relate, it makes everything awful. ]
no subject
Me too, I guess.
[ not in the same way ... he actually did have his own room at some point in his life. for many many years. but the new republic had barracks and resistance bases aren't exactly five-star hotel accommodations. he's used to the ambient noise.
back in right now, he takes a seat on the edge of his bed. the shitty blanket is sort of crumpled up in a corner of the bed, there are some wrappers on the floor. he wasn't expecting company to his depressive episode, don't @ him.
the seating options are a: also on the bed or b: a desk chair at the desk that is currently being used as a table for depression snacks. he doesn't want to be like "hey sit on the bed with me", so he just sort of sits there like an awkward middle schooler. ]
Um ... you know, wherever.
no subject
sometimes it kind of feels like that. ]
Probably a good thing the rats are gone. You know. All things considered.
[ he nods towards bb-8's droid door. it seems like the thing to say. while his brain is working overtime on its usual "now what do i do as a human person" bullshit. ]
no subject
Yeah. It was BB-8. He's ... he's more than just an astromech droid. He does a lot.
[bb-8 takes that cue to roll up to finn and open one of his lil storage compartments to reveal the ring and chain that finn tried to shove back at poe and that poe let fall on the floor while he was busy having his heart being broken. bb-8 took care of it.
poe was right, he's more than just an astromech droid. bb-8 is the glue that holds the galaxy together and if you disagree, you're wrong.]
no subject
things that finn forgot about while he spent that couple of days dissociating and trying to pretend he didn't exist in real life: the ring thing. oh boy, that really happened. holy shit. that feels like it was a year ago. thankfully the droid at the center of everything good in the galaxy, who is also a rat-catcher, saved it.
well saved it from sitting on the floor for a long-ass time, but like, that's still saving it. bb-8 does more than either of them. he's the hero of this story.
i can't wait for episode ix where he reveals that he had the jacket all along.
finn cautiously adds it to his "one item in one hand" inventory. if only bc bb-8 seems pretty expectant about this particular power move he's dropping. and then he hesitates. and then he kinda holds it out in poe's direction because he did at some dramatic point give it back and he doesn't know the promise ring protocol during times like these. ]
I don't know if-- [ ??????
Do You Want This Back he guesses, he's trying to be on his best not overdramatic behavior. ]
no subject
poe stares down at bb-8 like wtf?? he forgot it too somehow? he thought it was still on the floor just like all his hopes and dreams. at the very least, he was not in on this plan. so he responds by frowning slightly, and gently pushing finn's outstretched hand away with his own. ]
No, I gave it to you. [and then he felt kind of weird and naked without the last remaining piece of his mom, but then he had multiple days to think about other things instead, shoving it down to the least of his worries. that said, he can't even imagine taking it back now. it was a good idea, it felt right, and shara bey would be proud of him probably. she is still in force ghost heaven giving him a thumbs up.] I can't take it back. I want you to have it.
no subject
i mean that's very nice and a kind thing to do. finn could probably wrangle it back around his neck one-handed, but it would be a whole awkward production managing it. and he's not gonna let go of poe's hand with his other hand for that so. he will just very, very carefully put it in his pocket for now. ]
Then thanks. Again.
[ it's... kind of a relief to have it back. in a weird way he can't define yet. poe is as much of a solid anchor as anything now, but the ring meant something. still means something. the fact that he offered it at all meant something.
finn scuffs the heel of his boot against the floor like all chill people do. one day poe will have his light-up skechers for this occasion. ]
no subject
[ sometimes we have to make sacrifices in the name of being otters, and if that means not going full gay, it's fine.
he had one (1) thing of value and he gave it to finn. besides like, bb-8. who is clearly not a thing. rey wouldn't trade him in .05 seconds after meeting him, poe would protect him with his life. and anyway finn is clearly also bb-8's dad. he's attached. after that he's got like ... his blaster. clothes? maybe one day he'll trade his leather jacket of the week for light-up skechers. they probably need them since the lower levels of coruscant are basically like twilight/nighttime forever. if you thought there was daylight at any point in this thread basically, you're wrong. good thing bb-8 got the electricity working with some rat corpses and a chewed up wad of gum.
anyway, leaving whatever the fuck that tangent was: poe is also scuffing his boot that isn't a light-up skecher against the floor. when you've got nowhere to go and nothing to do besides sit around and talk. two guys wallowing in existential dread, zero feet apart 'cause they are gay.]
Where did you go? What happened? ... If you wanna talk about it. You don't have to.
no subject
poe poses a valid question. the record should show that it's fair and valid. ]
It's fine. [ like, he doesn't mind. storytime, he digs it. finn kinda has to stop and mull that whole answering thing over, though. not so much because he doesn't want to answer. mostly because he is now realizing how much stuff fell into the void during the "what happened" time period.
he clears his throat. casually. ] How long was it?
[ when dissociative fugue asks depressive fugue for help with timekeeping bc you hope it will maybe help you categorize what you do remember doing. finn, pal... you can't. ]
no subject
the follow-up question takes him out of his mental pillow-stacking, though. mostly because he has to sit there himself thinking about how many days it was. he wasn't making marks on the wall like rey, okay. also: it's hard to keep track of time when a normal cycle is "dark times and a lil less dark times". ]
A few days. I think it's four. It's been four. [ he almost adds "i was trying to wait for you" but that sounds like too many emotions in one sentence. maybe he'll just say something dumb instead. ] It's hard to keep track of time.
[ he meant here, on the lower levels, because of the pre-established lack of daylight, but he decides to leave it there as a general statement instead. time is an elusive concept so don't feel bad buddy. ]
no subject
Right. Didn't really do much. I don't think I did. I wasn't really-- I don't remember everything. [ fuckin disaster. ] Walked around. I think I made it up a few levels? But everything kind of looks the same. Lost the blaster. Not sure how. Saw a few stormtroopers. I thought... I don't know. I didn't think what I thought I would. Couldn't make myself get there.
[ he frowns. ]
I just wanted to find you again.
[ it's his badly-paced story, he can be a little gay if he wants to. ]
no subject
Sounds like more than I did.
[ at least he can be relieved that it wasn't the worst thing that could have happened. what is the worst thing? he doesn't really know. maybe the scenario where he saw the stormtroopers and did make himself get there. maybe the scenario where he shows up covered in mysterious blood and gore? that would be bad. stop thinking of weird shit. ]
I was waiting for you. [ if finn can come out with "i wanted to find you", he can lay his gay shit down on the table, too. it's safe now. ] I was gonna work on the ship, but I didn't really get around to it. I went up to get supplies once. Mostly I was just kind of ... trying to catch up on sleep. Thinking. Ended up doing a lot of one and not much of the other.
But I didn't leave. I was gonna wait. As long as it takes.
no subject
that is... some highkey gay shit.
he really doesn't know what to do with that. he remembers poe's whole "you don't do anything with it, you just accept it" thing, but does that apply when it's like. so much of a thing?
no one's ever done any of this for him before.
there could have been people once, he guesses, with the whole... reconditioning Thing.
they're not the ones who walked into a holding cell in stormtrooper armor, though.
finn thinks he might just do anything for this man.
and hey, maybe he doesn't have to necessarily deserve poe or all the nice stuff poe says and does if he's trying really hard to get the point where he can deserve it. maybe that's how self-care works. they need a book on self-care and emotional health, someone help them, they're dying.
finn got his crying done for the day already. there's still a big complicated knot of emotion in his chest for this that he doesn't know how to assess. he squeezes poe's hand. what are words for complex emotions and overwhelming gratitude. they can't possibly exist. ]
Got the feeling you're not usually good with waiting. [ there was a lot of very bold, naked hoping mixed in with all the rest when he made it back to the garbage levels. ]
no subject
additionally: maybe there are ancient jedi self-care texts that literally anyone will find and read someday.
poe decides to react to the squeezing by putting his other free hand over their current clasped hands. he's feeling a lot of feelings, too, but he's constantly toeing the line of how much it feels right to spill out. anticipating overstepping a boundary, a point where it would be wrong to say too much because as much as he wants this to be finn, it's not the same version of finn. the framework, the context isn't there. it's ripped out. ]
I'm not. [ simple, honest. ] I was trying it out. [ oh no here it goes ] And it's not like I have any way to leave.
[ POE ELIZABETH DAMERON. i wanted to find a gif from firefly where simon tells kaylee she's the only available girl on the ship and she gets mad and everyone roasts him for being an idiot but i'm at work so. that's the entire mood here. ]
no subject
Guess it does sound better when you act like you had a choice. [ part of him might be offended by the implication. he's not sure.
the thinking part of him is like, that's valid though. you threw his nice gift in his face and went to cry in the dump before turning yourself in to get murdered basically. literally who else would ever stick around just to wait for you to walk back into their part of the junkyard? ]
no subject
I mean, it's not — it's not like that. I guess, I mean, I could've figured something out. But I wanted to stay. So I didn't.
[ he clears his throat before moving on to his next conversation topic. he's put more thought into this than whatever the fuck just happened, at least. ]
I've been thinking. About where we could go. Eventually. I think ... maybe I'm just gonna go home for awhile. We can go home. If you decide you don't wanna fight for the Resistance, it'll be okay. You'll have a place and my dad's gonna be there and ... it'll be fine. It'll all work out.
no subject
I won't say it will, but I won't say it won't, either. [ he's pretty sure it probably won't. but he's way too burnt out for cynical arguments. all it does is drag poe down with him. then they both sit on the ground for like four days at a time. bad for productivity tbh.
compromise in the star wars universe. ]
You'd really just take me home with you.
[ how does any human possibly carry this level of soft emotions. finn is bad at expressing that shit across the full memory board.
deep down on the inside, part of finn is in a constant state of non-meltdown crisis about it. he could die for poe and/or bb-8 probably? there's nothing to die from, so that's super out the window most of the time. wtf. how do you repay huge emotional life debts. he's good at dying for stuff, crying, and theoretically could do murders. those are his big three.
the thought train hasn't stopped at "yeah hey am i supposed to be giving you the succ for this or killing someone specific for you or something, bc you can't make it the catch without saying so first" station. i probably can't promise that the train will never arrive there in this psl's full timeline but im glad it hasn't because poe is a good and i love him. ]
no subject
time to look down at the hand pile contemplatively. he didn't bounce these thoughts off anyone (i.e., bb-8, who else would he even??), so he has no idea how any of this sounds to anyone who isn't him.
gentle disbelief is good, right? as far as the finn reaction spectrum goes. that seems to be a pretty steady baseline. ]
Yeah. Maybe it's not the best plan, but it's the one I've got. I know it's gonna be safe there. That way, you know, like I said. I don't want you to feel like you've gotta fight if you don't want to. Or worry about being a liability. That way, if I wanna go back, I can go back.
[ those words, his own words, sound weird to him. he had a lot of time to think about how not great being lost and directionless feels. of course he should go back. why is this even up for debate? his (real) mom would slap him for even thinking of standing by and doing nothing when the galaxy needs him.
but he already made the choice. finn already asked him what would happen if finn didn't want to go back, and he said he'd stay with him. was it wrong to go back on that, even if he figured out a workaround? what kind of person was he if he already made a choice like that and then tried to take it back?
it wasn't like he'd forgotten what the consequences would be, either. with no contact since he left, maybe everyone figured he was dead by now. went off and got himself killed with his typical brand of brave stupidity. if he did go back, he was hoping that would soften things. in the sense that everyone would be so happy he's still alive, he wouldn't get demoted quite so many ranks. ]
And then if I do go back and you don't, you won't be alone. I know my dad won't let anything happen to you.
[ has he thought about what a fun conversation literally any of this with kes dameron is going to be? no. well, he got as far as "he will not be happy that i decided to abandon my principles and go awol," but not to the part where he'd have to be like "but i did it for this stormtrooper i kidnapped who is now wearing mom's ring and is clearly working through some trauma right now, if i go back to my principles you will have to carry on my h/c fanfic without me."
however, he comes from two selfless yeets, so he's betting for the best outcome on this one. ]
no subject
there's something legitimately touching about this idea even though he can't put his finger on exactly what about it is so touching. poe just like, has a home he could go to and he'd bring his weird kidnapped stormtrooper with him and give him a place to stay. like it matters so much to him to make sure he keeps the option to choose whatever on the table.
not having to fight has never been an option before. ]
Who makes sure nothing happens to you?
[ if they make it there and poe does decide to go back, would he want to stay behind? is it kosher to jump into a fight that terrifies you if it's just to follow one person through it? finn doesn't want to think about it while it's not a real thing happening. ]
no subject
he's still trying to figure out what to do with that when his mouth opens, then just sort of hangs open for a second while he tries to formulate some kind of response. being hit with feelings goes both ways??? ]
I make sure nothing happens to me. [ AND BEFORE HIS SON CAN TRY TO TAKE OFF HIS LEG AGAIN ] And BB-8. But, you know, I've got me, I've got my squadron. [ what's left of them ... ] Don't worry about me. I can make it through anything. I made it this far, right?
[ shaky take-off but smooth landing. the opposite of how so many of his recent actual flights have went. ]
no subject
I care more about what you're gonna do than what you already did. But I guess it says something that you're not dead. [ poe has a point and it's a good one. the worrying will not cease. ofc poe's worrying also won't cease, he's pretty sure. so like. at least they're gonna break even on it. ]
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
SURPRISE i didn't forget this it just needed to marinate
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)