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WISH LIST
★ my dark au kink:
+ being captured by the first order and subjected to reconditioning
+ trying to turn him back with the power of gay love and friendship (and possibly failing)
+ he was always a first order tie fighter pilot instead of winter soldiered
+ poe and finn first order murder squad (dynamics if they were both stormtroopers? running away together?)
+ ^ part b: the fam that gets captured and reconditioned together… stays…together…
+ Interesting Dynamics with kylo and hux from dark aus
★ finn stuff
+ what will they do after the war? romantic vacations? homesteading? sending finn's spit to space 23andme?
+ infinite escape reimagining/aus, stormpilot escape room reigning champions
★ rey stuff
+ relationship of convenience because they're both In Denial
+ sith princess rey aus where he tries to save her and/or she turns him
★ kylo stuff
+ infinite interrogating/torture room reimagining/aus
+ ^ part b: stockholm syndrome?
+ We Need to Talk about Leia
★ general
+ honestly anything regarding leia (esp processing grief post-tros)
+ talking about his sketchy spice runner past (possibly playing things taking place during that time in his life?)
+ ^ same for things taking place during academy/new republic tbh
+ i love aus. modern aus, vampire aus, a/b/o aus, let's au the entire world
+ i prefer m/m for poe but am good with most ships
kinks if ya nasty
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seeing it coming and knowing how it would feel did just as much the third time as it had the second time — nothing. in fact, it made it worse. ]
You won't. You won't kill them.
[ if he said the words, he could will them into reality. maybe they stood a chance; they had rey. he could pin all his hopes and dreams onto rey. it was better than the other option, which was accepting that they stood no chance at all.
the numbers were bad. after the transportation to the raddus, he knew there were about 400 resistance members left. whittling that number down after the people they lost since then, after people they kept losing ... it was a little more than 100. maybe. of them, the "people he's so desperate to protect" are going to be at the forefront of his mind, obviously. his droid, who counts as a person to him for some reason. the person who saved his life who he was harboring some kind of unrequited crush on (finn). the last jedi (rey). the remainder of his squadron (jess pava and snap wexley). people who were in the resistance, who were simply his friends (c'ai threnalli and kaydel connix).
and then, of course, there was leia. the hero worship that bordered on unhealthy. the way he basically saw her as a second mother. he was willing to do anything for her, to protect her vision of the resistance. even if there came a time when no one else believed, she would still have him. he tries hardest to shove that one down, desperate to protect her. desperate to protect her and feeling ashamed that he had failed her. again. and, unlike last time, he wasn't so sure he'd get a chance to come back and apologize. ]
ngl been eagerly waiting for this reply
Relentlessly tearing into Poe's mind to get at what she wants to know, she stays focused as she takes note of the roster his mind presents her with. She even manages not to react at the thought of Rey. But... who was he trying to hide? Kylo's brow furrows and she takes a step closer, increasing the strength of her power. It's a brief chase, her power surging forward to try and catch up to the pocket of thoughts he's pouring so much energy into keeping from her.
When she gets it in her grasp she feels a surge of victory -- only to immediately have it snuffed out by the content of his thoughts.
What... This didn't make any sense. The dead need no protection, why would he fight so hard to keep this from her? Unless... unless...
Kylo staggers back, her power and presence leaving Poe's mind abruptly. She's staring at him wide-eyed and pale but she's not really seeing him. It can't be possible. She felt it. Leia's presence had caused her to hesitate and then the loss of that presence when one of the other fighters took the shot she couldn't... Kylo would never forget that twist of anguish inside her. Or how the part of her she tried so hard to deny existing wished she had done something to stop it from happening. ]
Leia's alive?
[ It can't be true. And yet, it has to be true. His thoughts couldn't lie to her and she felt the strong, genuine emotions tied to those thoughts. Her mother is still alive. Kylo's so shocked she isn't sure what she should feel or which emotions to fight against. ]
yesssss
the abrupt pull from his mind leaves him panting for breath, eyes coming into focus to see kylo's shock and feeling ... well, not happy. not satisfied. those feelings were out of the reach of his current emotional spectrum. but it would be wrong to say that he didn't feel some kind of small, vicious pleasure in catching her off-guard. ]
She's alive. No thanks to any of you.
[ it was hard, if not impossible, to forget the feeling of dread when they weren't sure if she'd make it. letting finn and rose sneak onto the supremacy alone, because he wanted to make sure someone would be there when she woke up. it wasn't even so much that if the resistance was stripped away, she would have him — without han, without luke, without brianna ... he wanted to be the person who would be there for her, if no one else was left.
but she made it. she was alive, for however much longer.
how does he read kylo's reaction to this news, though? had she ... maybe the first order thought the remains of the resistance were sitting ducks without her and her leadership. ]
Why? Does that scare you?
we interrupt your regularly scheduled torture session for a small feels trip
But now it seemed that was all irrelevant.
The confirmation that Leia was, in fact, alive repeats in Kylo's mind and emotion twists her insides to the point it almost feels difficult to breathe. Her mother is alive and she feels... relief. There's a surge of something bright and hot inside her and oh, that part of her that was supposed to die with Han wasn't dead at all. She buried it well, but with this news there's no way to keep it back. Not until she gets herself back under control.
Kylo blinks past the wetness in her eyes and she closes the distance between them in a breath. One hand grabs a hold of Poe's shirt, pulling him toward her. Force powers seem to be completely forgotten about in the moment. ]
How did she survive? I felt her die that day. [ There's a certain desperation and eagerness in her voice now that was very unbecoming for a Supreme Leader, but entirely appropriate for a daughter who'd thought she lost the last bit of family she had. Kylo feels... hope? No, that couldn't be it. And even if it was, what right did she have to feel such things now after all she had done. ]
😭
She — [ should he even give this information? it didn't matter, he guessed. it wasn't sensitive. kylo could pull it out of him if she really wanted to. and maybe it said something about leia. that there was something just as legendary about her as there had been about luke skywalker. ]
Maybe she did, for a second. But she made it back to the ship. It was like — like she flew through space.
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She... she flew? [ Her brow furrows for a moment, and then her expression shifts toward realization. ] The Force protected her. It must have. The only way anyone could survive space without protection is through the Force.
[ Kylo's gaze shifts away from Poe as she mulls it over, and a small, soft smile comes to her lips. Yes, that had to be it. With how strong the Force was in their family it only made sense that Leia might be some level of Force-sensitive, and that the Force would be there when she needed it the most. That Kylo hadn't felt her mother's revival could easily be chalked up to Snoke's interference, or the Force itself hiding Leia's presence from her. It didn't matter. None of the details mattered. Her mother was alive and she might get to see her again.
Except you just passed along her exact location and ordered an attack.
And like that a shadow passes over Kylo, the smile dying and any visible signs of relief turning to concern. She lets go of Poe and half turns to look to the closed door. Did she try to stop the attack? No, she couldn't. That would raise far too many questions. But she had to do something... didn't she? Should she?
Did she care now? Was that a thing she was letting herself do?
Rubbing a hand over her face, Kylo begins to pace, trying to sort out her options. The interrogation completely forgotten. There was no information that could possibly be half as important as what Poe had just told her. ]
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Why do you care?
[ he tries to put some anger behind it, but he's truly, sincerely curious.
his next instinct is to follow up his question with something else, to say that leia would live through whatever they tried to do to her next, because she had the force and was therefore invincible. but he couldn't even invite the possibility of something happening to her into the conversation, like saying the words might will it into reality. ]
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[ She snaps, turning back to look at him. As if the answer should be obvious.
And then there's a second wave of realization, sharply bitter.
Perhaps it's not obvious because Leia didn't tell anyone what happened to her daughter. That made sense, didn't it? Surely the truth would be embarrassing and shameful to the driving force behind the Resistance. Distantly, Kylo recalls Han saying they wanted her back. But it wasn't as if her father was known for being the most truthful. It didn't matter that she hadn't felt lies then as doubt was present in her mind now. ]
It doesn't matter.
[ Kylo has to force the lie out, her throat tight as all that relief starts shifting to hurt.
The door to the room opens as the other Knight returns and she feels a pang of dread. It was done, then. The fleet was in motion and it would be pointless to stop what she put in motion before she knew all the facts. Not that it made that big a difference, the rest of the Resistance could die for all she cared -- maybe not Rey? she was undecided on that count -- but her mother... perhaps she could put a capture-only order out? No, Hux would see through that. 'Accidentally' make sure something happened to Leia.
She would have to leave it to fate. ]
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his dark interpretation of "it doesn't matter" is that it doesn't matter because the first order is going to track down the resistance and massacre them all. he bites at the inside of his cheek to try to keep all his emotions in, even though he'd already broken and spilled most of his emotions on the floor at this point. ]
You care. You care about General Organa for some reason.
[ there was a moment of hesitation, but now he's going full-tilt. if he's not coming out of this alive (always jumping to the worst case scenario), at least he can go down having made an effort to save his cause. ]
You could stop it if you wanted. You're Kylo Ren, you could do anything you want. And you're just letting this happen.
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He's not wrong. She could do anything, but everything had repercussions. Blindly acting on emotion here would likely cause more friction with internal politics (which wasn't remotely her strong suit to begin with). If Hux had any suspicions about her not being entirely devoted to the First Order, her demanding the attack be stopped would only give him further proof. It would be better for Kylo to do nothing.
But Brianna wouldn't just stand by and let it happen again.
It's only a few moments before she releases the choke hold and her arm drops as she looks back at Poe. The irritating pilot who had done so much damage to the fleet, who deserved a painful death for being one of the loudest rebels. And who, apparently, cared for Leia like the dutiful child she should have had.
Kylo's hands curl at her sides at the momentary spike of jealousy she feels but she doesn't try to cling to it. Now wasn't the time.
She turns and walks over to her Knights, addressing one and then the other. ] Take him to a holding cell. I want him constantly monitored. [ Her voice lowers as she turns to the other Knight. ] Retrieve the logs for this and deliver them to my quarters. Erase any copies.
[ And with that she strides out of the interrogation room, working on restoring her composure on her way to the bridge for a status update. If it wasn't too late perhaps she could at least delay the attack. ]
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the fact that she's not even looking at him while she does it is salt in the wound. he means that little.
but then it's over. he can breathe again, and does so in huge gasps of air. well, he took a chance and lost on that one. and sure, maybe he almost died, but he couldn't say that he regretted it.
maybe it's because he's not looking forward to reliving this particular traumatic memory and would rather get dying over with now, maybe it's his love of having the last word, maybe it's his blatant stupidity. maybe it's maybelline. in any case, he calls out as she leaves, voice hoarse — ]
You know I'm right!
[ and he can hold onto that while being shuffled away to a cell and left to die, he guesses. he made an attempt to get kylo ren to do the right thing and failed, but at least he tried at all. ]
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The funny thing is, that's never been her intention with this particular mission of hers.
She shuts out the noise and continues on her way, regaining control over her emotions -- or at least appearing to -- by the time she reaches the bridge. It's all too easy to cast doubt on Hux's plan, pointing out his intention to have most of the fleet make the jump while leaving the wounded flagship with the barest of defenses. Surely the General wasn't assuming that the Resistance didn't have some unorthodox plan up their sleeve when it was something they'd proven to excel at? She couldn't resist the urge to imply it was overkill as well, recalling all the times he's criticized her for the events on Crait, both publicly and privately.
Her efforts, painted as having the best intentions of the First Order in mind and carefully showing restraint, manage to delay the attack for hours. She still allows Hux to lead the assault and quietly hovers in the background, covering any concern she feels with a critical gaze.
After all is said and done, Kylo makes her way to the holding cells. She dismisses the Knight presently stationed near Poe's cell, desiring to speak in relative privacy. Not that it particularly mattered when it came to the Knights but after what transpired earlier in the interrogation room it made her feel better.
Kylo paints a stoic picture as she stands before the cell, hands loosely clasped behind her back, and she simply observes Poe for a few moments before speaking. ]
I expect you'll be relieved to hear that it seems the Resistance had enough time to make a hasty escape. Those who were with you back at the trading post must have survived and managed to warn the rest. We found only a couple stragglers at the base.
[ She manages to sound almost bored. Certainly not upset by the failure, not like she had sounded when Hux was scrambling to explain how the Resistance was able to get away again. But it had been necessary to be upset at that moment. Her true feelings on the matter were... complicated. ]
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and he needed something, some kind of hope after spending hours sinking into cold hopelessness. it was just like before. the first time. he betrayed everyone, let them down, gave their location away, and now the first order was going to wipe them out. because of him.
then again, maybe the idea that kylo ren played some part in helping them, by stalling or whatever possible means ... that sounded just as unrealistic as the scene he'd watched play out on the torture/interrogation rack. there was too much damage there, too much scar tissue from the things she'd done to him to believe that kylo ren was capable of things like that — plans that required an ounce of empathy.
he doesn't move from his spot in the holding cell, laying on his side against the wall (or maybe ... some kind of bench/bed thing ... they just left him on the rack in tfa so /shrug) ]
Good. [ and, against the better judgment he doesn't have: ] I can tell you're real broken up about it.
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By all means, provoke me. Give me a reason to regret my decision.
[ If someone were to overhear her they would easily assume she meant the decision not to have killed Poe already. Perhaps that was the assumption he would stick with as well. But her real meaning, well... truth was stranger than fiction, was it not?
Part of her did question the decision, however, that wasn't exactly out of the ordinary. The fact it undermined the First Order to a small extent only changed which part of her disagreed. ]
Tell me something. Does she trust you the way you trust her?
[ The 'her' in question Kylo felt went without saying. ]
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does he know the answer to that question for sure? not entirely. he doesn't have the capabilities to look inside leia's head and know what she thinks of him for sure. but he knows his intuition. he knows his feelings, the feelings he gets around her, the things she's told him in confidence, and — ]
Yes.
[ there's nothing else to say. no further elaboration. the simple and complete truth. ]
you should have a reply to our other thing today as well if the muses cooperate <3
If Leia hadn't told Poe, then what were the odds she told anyone?
Kylo's hands clench behind her back as a feeling of discontent rises but she does her best to brush it aside. ]
What, then, did she tell you of her child? If the two of you are so close, surely she opened up to you about her family.
yay!! no worries 💜
not that poe knows any of that. ]
I know that she had a daughter and lost her. That she was Force-sensitive.
[ he assumed that was the loss he could actually see sometimes, descending over her like a shadow. the same one he could see over his father after his mother passed. and he saw it before anything had ever happened to han or luke, ergo ... ]
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Also not entirely untrue. Brianna was supposed to be dead. Buried. Gone, along with any traces of the light. But many things were 'supposed to' have happened, or hadn't happened as planned or intended. ]
Is. [ Her voice is quiet. Even, in an attempt at hiding emotion. ] Her daughter is Force-sensitive.
[ For a fleeting moment she feels compelled to share a memory, to make him understand. A glimpse of truth within the sea of lies. The light encourages and the dark considers it a wasted effort, and the moment passes as Kylo shifts her eyes back to Poe. ]
Her shame must be great if she didn't confide in you the truth. I can't say I'm surprised. She's always preferred to keep the dark truths about the family to herself. [ Sometimes Kylo wonders if the truth about her grandfather hadn't been kept from her if it would have changed things. It certainly had come at near the worst time, when Snoke was sowing the seeds of distrust. How was she supposed to fight the dark when there was such a strong disposition to it in her very blood? ]
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but now he's feeling like maybe that isn't the case.
he shifts to sit up in his cell, studying kylo intently. trying to make sense of her words. sure, he's not the most logical thinker, but there's enough here for him to connect the dots. and the picture connecting those dots leaves him with ... well, he doesn't like it. it cuts him deep. why didn't she tell him? why didn't she tell him?
the second wave is what really gets him, though. the wave of realization that not only was brianna kylo ren, but that that meant all the things she'd done, all the pain she caused leia ... that was her own daughter. additionally: she killed her own father??? she killed her own father while he was sitting here wishing he could give anything to see his real, actual deceased mother for five more seconds. the audacity of it all. ]
You — she deserves better than you.
[ he wants to say more, but those are the only words that come out while he's processing all of his anger. ]
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But the darkness would have its turn at him in time. ]
Yes, she does. [ The quiet near-calm lingers, even in the face of Poe's passionate emotions. A small sign of how Kylo has changed in the absence of Snoke's presence. ] But a child also deserves a proper chance.
[ Thanks to how much she's been in his head recently, she catches the thought about his mother without seeking it. The small pang of sympathy within her is all Brianna, and it keeps Kylo from poking at it in an effort to see him unhinged. ]
It upsets you, that she didn't tell you the full truth. I don't blame you. Imagine how I felt when I learned at the same time as the rest of the galaxy that her father was Lord Vader. That's something a mother should share, don't you think?
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almost.
was leia holding that information back from her daughter right? maybe not. did that excuse everything she did since then, all the damage and destruction she caused? absolutely not. not even a little. but he could understand the feeling of betrayal. just the tiniest bit.
but still — ]
Whatever she was doing — it was probably to protect you. [ he knew that. it had to be for that reason. just like he knew — even if he was having trouble coming to terms with it — that leia most likely kept kylo ren's identity hidden to protect him. to keep him from doing something stupid in her name. ] Parents aren't perfect. People aren't perfect. They make mistakes. That doesn't give you a free pass to destroy the galaxy.
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[ Her calm wavers, not with anger but hurt, as she steps closer to the bars of the cell. It's been a very, very long time since she's even thought of such things. The past was the first thing Snoke sought to kill. And speaking of such things? She couldn't remember... had she ever? Perhaps to Luke, maybe. Not that the hero Luke Skywalker had time for a young girl's feelings of abandonment and loss at trying to find her place in the galaxy as the two sides of the Force tore at her soul. ]
No, that's not protection. She was protecting herself if anyone. She didn't care what I felt or what I wanted. No one ever has. They only see the strength of the Force, not the person that's been forced to carry it all their life. I never asked for this burden but it's mine just the same.
[ She stops as her eyes start to sting and she hastily wipes at them, frustrated with herself for still being upset about the past. Some poor stormtrooper or officer was probably going to suffer for this show of emotion later.
Not wanting to dwell on it any longer, she's all too happy to latch on to something else Poe said. Something that makes her huff out a breath and shake her head. ]
I'm not interested in destroying the galaxy. Don't confuse the First Order's desires with my own.
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no. one story from kylo ren's skewed perspective couldn't erase years of hero worship. ]
It all looks the same from where I'm standing. Sitting. Whatever.
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Well you'll just have to learn to see it differently. [ It comes out more as a statement than a threat.
After a moment she sighs and spares a glance down the corridor. The Knight she had earlier dismissed was sending her a signal, a reminder that a patrol would be coming through the area shortly. If there was anything else she didn't wish being overheard, she needed to say it. ]
Not that you're inclined to listen, but I'd recommend resting up while you can. Hold onto that anger to keep you warm. You're not going to like what General Hux has planned for tomorrow.
[ Kylo didn't not like it, but she would also be there to supervise. She certainly didn't trust the general alone with Poe. Especially not when working on something designed to damage the Resistance; a little bit of propaganda to enhance the war effort. Once she was done here with him she would be off to the armory to see if her new helmet had been completed. She wanted to be sure to paint a suitably intimidating picture. ]
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[ "i won't" is a sentiment that covers everything she's throwing on the table for him, essentially. he won't learn to see things differently, he won't rest up, he won't like what hux is planning for him. just one big "i won't."
he tries to sit straight, tries to be all anger and defiance. if he tried hard enough, maybe he could hold on to his anger to keep him warm. it would keep the cold from seeping in. not the physical cold so much as a cold dread regarding what was going to happen next. just because it wasn't as bad as having his thoughts rifled through, didn't mean he was looking forward to it. ]
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i don't know why i didn't think to upload masked icons earlier for this part -.-
nooooo
yesssss
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wherein kylo monologues bc apparently that's what i write at work -.-
it's all good i love it
i'm almost afraid for him. she won't kill him but that's almost more reason to worry lol
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*cues up tense music*
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didn't think i'd have a reply for this till tomorrow but inspiration struck
and then i took forever to reply like a jerk 💀
shush with that :*
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I'M SORRY I TOOK SO LONG 😭 w/ this one and the kaida thread
IT'S OK I FORGIVE YOU ❤
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sneaks in a reply before bed
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i like how i tried to keep this short and ended up rambling about a different subject lol
👌
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this is a wonderful surprise ❤
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sends you the customary novella to transition to a new scene
apparently i completely lost this tag?!
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