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WISH LIST

★ my dark au kink:
+ being captured by the first order and subjected to reconditioning
+ trying to turn him back with the power of gay love and friendship (and possibly failing)
+ he was always a first order tie fighter pilot instead of winter soldiered
+ poe and finn first order murder squad (dynamics if they were both stormtroopers? running away together?)
+ ^ part b: the fam that gets captured and reconditioned together… stays…together…
+ Interesting Dynamics with kylo and hux from dark aus

★ finn stuff
+ what will they do after the war? romantic vacations? homesteading? sending finn's spit to space 23andme?
+ infinite escape reimagining/aus, stormpilot escape room reigning champions

★ rey stuff
+ relationship of convenience because they're both In Denial
+ sith princess rey aus where he tries to save her and/or she turns him

★ kylo stuff
+ infinite interrogating/torture room reimagining/aus
+ ^ part b: stockholm syndrome?
+ We Need to Talk about Leia

★ general
+ honestly anything regarding leia (esp processing grief post-tros)
+ talking about his sketchy spice runner past (possibly playing things taking place during that time in his life?)
+ ^ same for things taking place during academy/new republic tbh
+ i love aus. modern aus, vampire aus, a/b/o aus, let's au the entire world
+ i prefer m/m for poe but am good with most ships

kinks if ya nasty

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ this is a really short tag but there's only so many ways i can say finn sounds skeptical as hell tbh. he sounds 100% disbelieving. ]

A Force tree. [ if this is how poe turns out to be fake he's not even mad, it's a heck of a hill to make his last stand on. ]

A Force tree.

[ there's sort of like, an exhaustion in his voice, like he is just so over this damn tree. he would go home and set it on fire (again) if he didn't think his dad would murder him. ]

I don't know why it's a Force tree, or what makes it different from any other stupid-ass tree, but I had to spend a year nursing it back to health. Maybe my dad just said it was a Force tree to teach me a lesson, I dunno.

[ this is the most fascinating bullshit in the world. poe is mortal enemies with a tree. and it has to be a normal tree, bc there can't just be... a tree that's a force tree, for some unknown reason. there can't.

parents are wild. ]

A tree is a tree. I don't see how the Force can change whatever lesson you were supposed to learn that much.

Maybe it was supposed to be a reason why he cared so much about the tree? I think it came from the Jedi temple here. Maybe Luke Skywalker giving it to him made it a Force tree.

[and now he's a little sad because he misses his dad. :'( NOT BECAUSE HE'S DEAD. kes dameron is just chillin on his ranch like new phone who dis. meanwhile, his son is a dumpster fire. maybe he could just ... go home. that sounds nice. a natural choice for most thirty-somethings who have driven their lives into the ground, even in the star wars universe. his dad wouldn't care that he went awol and kind of kidnapped a stormtrooper.

... nah. he probably would. at least a little. ]

Anyway, I probably should've learned my lesson back then, but judging by today, I didn't. This time I'll be more careful, though.

[ finn mentally votes not to be the guy to remind poe's dad that the jedi are extinct and the force is a bulldonk tool people use for torture and murder, if he ever even meets him. if he's even alive? finn's not sure. he doesn't wanna ask, just in case.

i like that shara bey is giving the thumbs up for the hot stormtrooper and kes is more likely to be a reasonable non-pilot human.

he doesn't see how this equates too well. the lesson was probably supposed to be about poe not getting back on his bullshit. in that case, it really didn't take. dryly: ]

Carefully repaired garbage. Sounds great. [ love u sweetie. ] Just let me know how to help when we get started.

[ just ask rey he's so great.... at tools....... and handing the right ones to people when they direly need them. totally ]

[WOW POE LOVES THE FORCE OK he trusts in the force and that's why things always work out for him. he just has a vendetta against the stupid tree.

and shara is the one poe takes after obviously. pilots are wild-ass messes: fact. basically shara is over here like this and kes is over here like this. he just wanted poe to be a sane logical person like him and he got this instead.

lesson-wise, he was going for something about being more careful while repairing and modifying things that fly, but. you know. not getting back on his bullshit is close enough. they're related.]

You're gonna help? [he raises his eyebrows. and then,] Well, I could use the moral support.

[they make it to a subway station. i was going to say it's not much to look at, but nothing is "not much to look at" by finn's standards, so. idk. weird laser turnstiles and shit. sketchy people getting the heck out of this hell level. graffiti such as "the first order sux" crossed out and then written again slightly to the left. a shitty graffiti drawing of a dick or something. ambience. ]

[ what the fuck is moral support and how is he supposed to provide it. i'm kidding he knows what it is in theory, but finn totally gives poe a Look. like "wait did you sideline me within two sentences".

....... but damn if the subway station doesn't distract him from his saltiness at full capacity.

it literally flees his mind. he was basically born and gonna die in a boring holding cell as far as he remembers, this is the good stuff. it's dirty and gross and sketchy and there's dick graffiti for like 4 different species. something smells gross. there's so much going on. so much scenery flavor to absorb.

it's beautiful, in a gross way. it's beautiful because of how messy and gross and colorful it is. god finn has such low fuckin standards right now.

anyway finn has never once in his lifetime learned not to get back on his bullshit so he definitely reaches over and grabs poe's hand at some opportune point?? he doesn't even think about it At All, he just instinctively guns it for a hand. no drifting allowed, we get through the subway like otters. ]

[if jakku is a walmart parking lot at 3 a.m., this is waffle house parking lot at 4 a.m. but you know what? finn seems enthralled with it and it melts poe's heart. he even kind of forgets how sad it is because lost memories blah blah blah because finn seems genuinely excited about dick graffiti. he's so pure. such an angel. someday ... poe really will take him to a nice place. seriously. it's going to happen.

hand holding like otters is the way to be. he is not losing finn because what if someone walks between them and they're separated or one of them gets on the car and then the doors close before the other can get in? how would they contact each other? coruscant is a million levels and they would literally never see each other again. yikes. gonna hold on to finn's hand extra hard. gonna hold hands through the turnstiles all the way to the other side. (and what do you mean he has to pay fare for bb-8 too??? shouldn't small droids get to ride free??? what the hell is this economy.)

what were they talking about? ]

You can help, if you want. With the ship. Sometimes I say stuff without thinking.

[everything. has never thought about a word before it comes out of his mouth in his life.]

But, you know, I could teach you, and you could help. We could do it together. That'd be good, right?

Edited (i don't know why that was a separate paragraph) 2018-02-01 05:09 (UTC)

[ oh good thank god. he didn't want to lose poe in a subway. slipping away into the crowd weirdly doesn't even cross his mind. i mean maybe for a second but he doesn't really give it thought. if he fucked off right now he'd basically be a jewelry thief and poe might actually die. ]

Saying stuff without thinking usually means you're being honest. [ it's the anti filter. ] If you think I'd slow you down too much, it's fine. You can just tell me that up front. I can work with that.

[ one time he got criticized for his mopping it was wild probably. ]

No, no, I was just thinking, maybe it'd be good for you to get your hands on something. [like THIS DICK no i'm sorry forgive me.] Since the ring is helping a little bit, right? So even more physical contact would help. ... With things. Physical contact with things.

[i think at this point poe himself is aware that every thing he says sounds like innuendo but every time he tries to make it sound less like innuendo he just digs that hole even deeper.]

[ WHAT IS THE TRUTH.

Speaking without thinking.

Finn already had the picture, but now he's really starting to get it. ]

I'm almost sure I know what you're saying.

Yeah? Good.

[poe dameron is a mess who needs to be saved from himself. rip.

but hey you know what it's fine because THE NEXT TRAIN IS HERE. to save him. from himself. he's so grateful that it's here and he doesn't have to explain what that even was anymore because he is just going to pull finn by the hand onto the train like this is some saving private ryan shit. he wishes bb-8 had a leash so he could pull him along too but he doesn't. at least bb-8 is a fast rolly boi. and less of a flight risk in general.

it's a big metal train idk what you were expecting. but they have to go out into the more open area to get on so enjoy some more of that total lack of sky ig. there are seats and stuff and everything is kind of run down and grimy. i can't believe i watched half an episode of clone wars just to capture the proper aesthetic for finn. and if the coruscant transit authority is anything like irl i'm sure absolutely nothing has changed in 50+ years.]

Edited (i want to be historically accurate in my sick burns) 2018-02-02 00:15 (UTC)

[ god bless your sheer work ethic tbh that's more than i could ever do. This Train Is Hella. obviously. 9/10, needs just a little more space gum.

anyway it's horrible. like objectively. the same way the station is horrible and this part of the planet is horrible and the space dennys was shady and horrible. he grew up in clean and sterile city. he guesses maybe he should think this is horrible in a more visceral active fashion? filth and chaos of the new republic, it needs something to bring order and equality, blah blah blah. he was raised on that shit. this should be awful, because they told him it would be and now he's here.

the thing is, it's different in the real world.

the planets are different than they made it sound. the people are different than they made it sound. (mostly poe. poe sort of tears open the entire universe around him as he goes, and it's equal parts terrifying and humbling.)

and he's seeing some seedy, dank shit, and it seems like this levels thing is a hot mess overall, but it still looks a lot like people just. living their lives and minding their own business to him. being people. when even the gross run down grimy aesthetic part of the experience is too good to be true on several levels 2k18.

he feels like something about realizing that isn't fair. he feels like something's shifted even though he's not even a full day out of his cell. he can't figure out what it is. but it's fine. he's got a ring in one hand and a hand in the other, and a blaster, he guesses, which makes him feel better even though he hasn't strictly needed it, and it's fine because he's going to not try to think about any of his dumb feelings. he can focus on getting his peep on and just kinda Staying Present. ]

[poe is still holding his hand like they're otters who got lost and ended up drifting down some whitewater rapids — more for his own sake than finn's. it's not even actually that crowded. finn's hand is just his own ring of keeping in touch with reality right now.

anyway, he leads them towards the back of the car, so he can get a look at the map. make sure they're on the right track, figure out where they need to get off. he remembers the level number and that's about as far as he got in that part of the plan.]

Uh, so ... 1782. That's where we're going. Wanna sit? It's gonna be awhile. [there's a small monitor on the wall that displays the next level the train stopping at. guess where they are. guess where they're going now. it's like, level 12.]

[ handholding is a vital part of keeping people in the new trilogy from falling into pits of dissociation and despair.

there are so many levels and they are so far down, what the fuck. finn's eyebrows shoot up for a second. ]

Yeah. Sure. Since we've got time to kill.

[ even he isn't stubborn enough to insist on standing for like 1700 more stops. even in this stage of his life, where he's a shambles of disasters barely holding together and sometimes wanting to implode, he is not that wantonly self-destructive. he has his limits. sitting down is the dream rn. ]

You come here much?

[just gonna sit the heck down on one of these grimy seats then. bb-8 rolls around in the aisle beside them, but there's lots of space so he can move if anyone actually needs to get by. his grip on finn's hand ... becomes slightly less of a deathgrip, but he's still not letting go. handholding is all these new trilogy kids have, ok. they need it.

he snorts. so close to a laugh, and yet not.]

No. Not this far down. [at this point i would like to note that clone wars did this same fuckin plot of hiding in the coruscant underworld and ahsoka only went to like level 1300something and it was sketchtown extreme. poe dameron is the most extra person in the world incapable of doing anything besides the most.] There are some New Republic bases on the upper levels. And it's a good place to ... [how can he talk about his impure life to a beautiful angel like finn lastname.] uh. Have drinks. Get wild.

[ he could probably hold finn's hand for twenty years and finn would only be against it during peak meltdown season. right now it's nice. it's like having someone.

... he thinks, even though poe will basically be there for him until the heat death of the universe? he actively has someone that cares? whatevs. i just can't believe poe planned to come here exclusively to brag about doing the Most Level. ]

What, do you get more wild? [ BULLSHIT HOW MUCH MORE WILD THAN THIS DAY COULD ANYONE GET ]

[DON'T MAKE HIM SAY IT. don't make him say he came here to party and have the sex. maybe he can just ... not. and say something snappy instead. he has .005 seconds to choose a direction to take before his brain just does whatever it wants.]

You don't even wanna know.

[HA actually nailed that one. the literal smoothest.

nah everything that happened today is like the wildest shit he's ever done honestly. partying aside, insubordination that wiped out the resistance's entire bomber fleet aside, mutiny aside. ... he's done a lot of wild shit.]

[ poe, attempting to build an emotional pillow fort around finn: don't worry about it. ]

You're my pilot, so no. I probably don't.

[ he's leaving this train right now poe is a smutty fiend 2k18. nah he doesn't care that much about it. if poe's wild partying doesn't get them murdered. ]

[he just wants finn to be safe in his emotional pillow fort, okay. finn is a jenga tower and who knows what will happen if literally any block gets pulled out? better just surround it with pillows.

that said, his heart skips multiple beats when finn says "my pilot." his pilot. did finn even mean that in anything other than the most literal sense, being, once again, a pilot while finn is a virgin who can't drive? probably not, but it's too late because now he's had the thought and it's not going anywhere.

it was worth it. every questionable choice he made today was worth it just to be holding hands with finn and hear him say "my pilot."

it'd be a "wow, i'm in way too deep" moment if he hadn't already known that he's in way too deep from the way he went after finn without literally any thought for a single consequence until they started showing up closer than they appear.

he responds by giving finn's hand a squeeze and resting his head against his shoulder. maybe he wouldn't shove him off. maybe it was fine. just gonna grab at that jenga block with surgical precision.]

This is a lot, though, even for me. But we're gonna make it out okay. I believe that.

[ finn weighs his options for a few seconds.

he thinks poe banks too much on hope. he thinks poe probably really misses a friend that he'll never get back, and he's not sure if poe is in denial about it or something, because he's not looking forward to the fallout if that's the case.

he's starting to think that every time he starts to feel like he has a handle on anything, his brain is hard-wired to somehow remind him that he absolutely doesn't.

that said, he's a disaster. but he's a touch-starved disaster, so he allows this. tentatively, and certainly not relaxing into it, but he allows it. he has the full capacity to shove poe away if he decides he's done with the touching, and poe would probably definitely stop if he did it, and that makes a difference. that's more than he's been able to trust anyone in his vicinity to do since he went in for reconditioning, as far as he can figure. that makes a difference, too.

(why would any human person plan to just ask someone to move if they get too squirrelly about it... smh.) the jenga tower hobbles onward. ]

You believe in an awful lot of things.

[ first of all:

1) he does bank too much on hope
2) he does miss his friend but
3) he is determined to get him back and refuses to stop until he is dead from the effort of it because that's just what a poe dameron does.

he is so tired. not just physically but also emotionally. he thought taking a break to go to space denny's would give him some energy to keep going via having food inside him at the very least, but keeping finn in an okay place has been a lot of emotional labor and the weight of it is crushing him.

self-doubt starts to sink in. can he do this? it's so much. how much more good luck can he have before he completely biffs it and they both die or he dies or finn's worst nightmare comes true and he gets taken away again??

yikes. this is why he doesn't like thinking ahead more than 10 seconds at a time. when you get past that 10-second range, you start staring into the void. he needs to stop not being in motion long enough to glimpse into the void. it keeps happening and now they have a million levels to go through where he's just gotta sit and think and stare. why didn't he just go to level 1300something??? why is he like this? ]

Yeah, I do. Lucky for you, all you gotta do is believe in me.

Edited (i always leave out one word that makes the rest of the sentence weird smh) 2018-02-04 02:07 (UTC)

[ some people are born to think more than 10 seconds ahead no matter how terrible it is for their mental state. finn is one of them. i mean, unless he's actively doing something or fighting or talking or anything specific at all, because then most of the time he just guns it.

but in terms of broad worst case scenarios, finn is constantly putting his sights on those bad boys. some things are a given. maybe they won't happen today or tomorrow or even next week. they'll still happen. literally just constantly understand that nothing good stays, look, it's been treating him great this whole day. it's very healthy. ]

Working on it.

[ he wishes he could just say that he does. there are probably a hundred things he wishes he could say or do, in regards to poe and this whole wild-ass rescue mission. maybe someday. ]

[that's progress, isn't it? poe thinks it's progress. "working on it" is something. maybe finn doesn't trust or believe in him, but he's trying to.

on that note, poe knows that it's ... well, it's not exactly mentally sound behavior to grasp at straws by assigning hope and meaning to every little thing finn does. like, objectively, he should stop. but he can't stop. this is how he's keeping himself afloat. clinging onto this absurdity.

he doesn't know what else to say besides KEEP BELIEVING IN ME FINN. DO YOU BELIEVE YET? HOW ABOUT NOW???? and silence leads to existential crisis hour, so. time for him to keep talking. about literally anything. come on brain, think of things. ]

There's nothing else like being in space. I wanna show you. When we're riding in something that actually wants to stay in the air. It's just ... you feel so free. Like you could do anything. That's why I became a pilot.

[ i looped that vine for 10 minutes its a mood.

he wonders what it's like to grow up getting to choose stuff. like what you eat or what you wear or what you want to be or what farm equipment you attach advanced machinery to. almost exactly that pretty much slips right out of his mouth before he can catch it-- what was it like to have a reason to become something-- but he doesn't know if he wants to know an answer.

that's probably one of those things that people couldn't really answer, anyway. it's not something that they know what it's like, it's just something about them that is. it would be like someone asking him what it's like to be a stormtrooper. what's the frame of reference? he just is one. ]

There's too much space in space. [ it yawns open around things. it never stops. there's nothing in it. it's coarse and it's irritating and it gets everywhere smdh. ] I'm better with my feet on the ground. Normally. I think.

[ maybe a flight while he's not crushed by the weight of his own issues in a tiny shitty tie fighter or actively trying to avoid getting blown up would be... good...? he's not against trying to see the appeal, god knows there are probably gonna be a ton of ships in his future. ]

Probably why I'm not a pilot.

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